Monday, March 23, 2009

Time: Our Friend and Foe...

Time. An element that sometimes appears to be longer than life. It also seems to be shorter than we want it to be. It depends on the circumstances and how much time we need. Seems to be short when we need it to last and of course longer than you could ever imagine when you want it to pass quickly. It can be applied to pretty much any part of our lives. I think back to Sheila and how I wanted time to Stand still so I could have one more hour, one more day with her. When she went to heaven, time DID stop for me. I wanted the clock to keep moving, hoping that time itself would heal my heart... take away my sorrow. The shortest time in my life was her last hour. The longest time in my life was also her last hour.
Time: the longest time is waiting to see your therapist. The shortest time is AFTER your time starts. Time:Short is a visit from your daughter who lives 14 hours away. Long is waiting for next year so you can see her again. As I said, time and the speed in which it moves can be applied nearly every-where in our lives.
But for me right now, and the reason I guess I am writing here tonight, is the time between a high and a low. The length of time one lasts versus the other. Being bipolar, time is sometimes measured in seconds. I don't know if it can be broken down any further than that here. My mind thinks of the stop-watch that is shown when down-hill skiers are racing or swimmers are trying to slice a milli-second off of their time. My mind often runs at speeds that seem that fast. Each click of the numbers, a new thought crowding it's way in or an old thought trying desperately to escape from the crowd in my head. There is the fantastic High that is so euphoric and makes me feel like I can finally save the world, save every soul that ever needed a friend or a kind word. The High that I assure you will only last a short time. Filling in it's spot will be the Low that lasts for days or weeks or... seconds.
Time: seconds/~~~ Smiling and laughing as I go to the kitchen for a drink. Returning less than a minute later and feeling as though everything, everyone in my life was going to crumble before me. Barely having time to shake my head, the feeling of dread is gone and being replaced by a feeling everything will be alright. But be certain, the Low WILL come back and perhaps this time, it will settle in for a "while". Time is a friend and foe. We need both ends of it, the long and the short and if they fall right and balance each other then we can be o.k., if only for a little while.
One more time that is so a part of our lives and Yes, Our attitude. The Day and night. Long time: the space between starting work and getting off. Short time: The space between setting the alarm and having to get up and shut it off.
Short time: The Sunshine in the summer. Don't you wish it was light until Midnight? Long time: The Winter time between 4 p.m. and 7 a.m. when the Sun is sleeping.
Yea, time is our friend and foe. Use it wisely. It ends so quickly... Trust me on this one. Darrel

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