Saturday, August 9, 2008

Tears of a man???

Tears... from a man? Is this o.k? According to my fathers father and his fathers father, going back and back and back, it is not. Men were not the criers between men and women. It was o.k, acceptable,expected and fully allowable for women to cry. It was what they did. Sad movies, weddings, funerals and just because were and are acceptable reasons for a women to cry. Men were allowed only at some funerals and... Hmmm? For a man to cry showed a weakness in his make-up. It meant that he was less strong and it was even uncertain if a man that cried could be depended upon to follow through in a crisis.
There are so many benefits that the ladies gained from their tears. They were healthy, healing, liberating and just plain felt good sometimes. So men were excluded from these benefits why? Society said it wasn't o.k. I guess the proper way to say that is that it simply wasn't "politically correct." An overly emotional man was looked upon as weak and fearful. He was seen as a little too "female." Some places and some people still feel this way. You are less of a man if you cry or show emotions to vividly. Hmmmm???
I am not sure what that makes me and a whole lot of other men that cry. Does it make me less of a man if I too see a movie that touched my heart and soul and it causes me to cry? Am I weaker because when someone I love is hurting inside, I sit and cry with them? When asked if it was o.k for a man to cry, the answers surprised me. Even today, in our much more liberal society, it was alright for a man to cry BUT... only under certain circumstances. So though accepted in part, crying is limited to ummm funerals, still. I hope I don't have to sit around and wait for someone to die before I can cry. The pent up emotions might be why some men kill. Maybe they just needed a good cry and couldn't wait around for the next funeral. A bit fasticious and sarcastic perhaps on my part here, but I think you get my drift here. Here is just one answer I found while asking the taboo question. {{{man should make his woman feel safe and when women see her man worrying about something she may feel not psychologically safe but i personally think that in some situations it's not bad to cry even for men, they just shouldn't cry for small things.}}}
So I am limited to the reasons I can cry because my lady won't feel safe with me if I cry for the wrong reasons? Wow... talk about pressure. Luckily, I was not raised by a man that felt crying was Taboo. My father showed his love for us and when an animal of ours died or something sad happened, he was not ashamed nor afraid to show us he cared. Did it make him less of a man or a father to me? On the contrary. It made him human and approachable. More respect than I have for my father a man could not have. His willingness to reach out and give to us all the elements needed to grow up in a world less than kind sometimes I believe made me a better person.
I cry when you cry and I feel what you feel, no matter who you are. I am not ashamed to say I cry at sad or happy movies. My tears are as needed and important as anyone elses are. To pen them up for societies sake is stupid and unhealthy. I am an empath and therefore, I feel things deeply and vividly inside. My heart could not survive keeping my emotions at bay. So to the man that looked at me and rolled his eyes as I cried because I saw a little baby girl reach out to help an elderly man open his car door, I say... I am sorry for you. You are not a bigger man or better or stronger man than I am. You are just a little less human.
Life is hard today and people need the love and caring of each other if our world is to survive. A little crying might do our whole world a lot of good. Maybe we should give it a try more often.

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