Sunday, December 28, 2008

nothing to write about....

Have you ever sat down, wanted sooo badly to write, even felt it inside of you but simply could not settle on anything solid enough to write? Welcome to my world this morning. We are not talking about minutes of think time. Not even just an Hour. I drug my butt out of bed at 5 a.m. and it is now nearly 9:30. And guess what... I have not written a single thing.
There is so much that could be written about. I thought about family and where they truly fit into my life. My mother and father, both 76 and still with us. That in itself would be worth writing about. the blessings I have received because they have been so many years in my life. The love that was shown me by them I am sure has saved me from so places I could have gone as I grew up. Even today, things they taught me about being kind and thinking before speaking help me in my every day life.
I thought about the religious background that I was so blessed to have been given. Knowing God and having him an active part of my life has without a doubt Saved my life many times. Times when the world seemed to have won and there was little reason for me to travel any further in this life. Times when he placed before me "walks" that I could choose to try or not try. Thinking about that for just a moment causes me to realize that it was many of those very "Walks" and the choices I made that formed the man that writes here for you today. The people that I chose to reach out to when no one else would. The trust that God had in me, to bring into my life people that would not always be able to stand for themselves and so I was blessed to be able to stand For them. Few blessings are more rewarding to the heart than those.
I thought about the eyes I was blessed to be for my brother. Maybe I could write and tell you how wonderful it felt inside to be able to teach a blind brother to climb a tree or run like he had sight. The wonder of his hand on my shoulder and how it could have been a burden or a blessing. I am glad that I chose the latter. Knowing he played baseball and cops and robbers like anyone else would still touches my heart and soul. And i could write how my heart hurts to know that so many years have passed by us and we have spoken perhaps 3 words to one another in the last 15 years. Only the memories for me are left and a sadness that we drifted so far away from one another. But no, I might save that for another day.
Maybe I would talk a bit more about My Sheila and the things I learned from her. Somethings you have heard and others... well somethings are just for me and my memories. They way she would wake me each day by setting a cup of coffee by the bed and lighting a cig and setting it in the ashtray for when I got up. The fact, the very knowing that she chose to do these things simply because she loved me so. I could tell you how her illness changed our lives together forever. Maybe how our love found ways to show our love an intimacy when her body was too ill to do more than that.
I might even write about the weather and how bitter cold and the ice storm has limited my abilities to do very much outside. how the smells of fireplaces intoxicated my mind this morning as I drove my daughter to work this a.m. The tree's had that heavy frost on them that is so very beautiful. Talk about the tree branches hanging low to the ground, the weight of the snow pulling them down. A little breeze that bites your face when you go outside. The way the snow lays in piles, looking like the little accessories to a model train set. But no, I won't write about that either. I am brain-locked for a subject to write about that is going to open up and explode and cause You to keep coming back to this site. After all, that is why a write, isn't it? To reach out and touch the world with my words? Too find ways to help you and to give myself some therapy. That is what my writing does for me. Perhaps I could have written a little about that. Told you how writing gives my soul a release and helps to keep my mind in check. But once again, no.
So I guess I will just not write about anything right now. Maybe something will come to me and then... I will write. Smilesssssssssss

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