Thursday, May 7, 2009


Perception... A word that means a learning. Your idea or thoughts of something you have seen or experienced gives you perception. Life often teaches us new things along the way. And, sometimes it teaches us old things in a new way. It takes a few times for us to learn sometimes...and well, often, we don't ever learn.
Recently, I encountered an issue I had not dealt with in some time. Years actually. I had an abscess that needed to be taken care of. I have been on Coumadin for over 10 years. Reason? I have had 3 Pulmonary Embolisms, one of which was so bad it nearly took me out of this world. To survive 3 of them is a Miracle in truth. To survive a "saddle" clot is very, very rare. The clot settles in the center of your chest and blocks air to Both lungs. Survival of this embolism for me was totally God. The Doctors could do nothing but hope the medicine did it's job and quickly.
Why am I telling you this? One week ago, I had to come off of my coumadin. I needed my blood to thicken so I would not bleed to death after the tooth extraction. It is terribly frightening to be off the only thing that protects me from another pulmonary embolism.5 days was never, ever so long. I went back on the coumadin immediately after the extraction. 3 days later I felt terrible pain in my right leg. An ALL to Familiar pain that told me there was a clot in my leg. I went to my Doctor and they verified by doing a Doppler that there was indeed a clot in my right leg. I was immediately given Lovanox shots and the doctor doubled my dose of coumadine.I needed my blood thinned quickly in an effort to rid my leg of the clot. Also, in the event that the clot should move, hopefully it would be small enough to pass through my lung with out to much damage. Now, it is merely a waiting game. The meds and God are working round the lock to shrink the clot.
Knowing these are killers, I began to watch myself and how I reacted to events going on around me. I took note of how I spoke to people. The clot could move and it could take my life. There before me though was the very means to see heaven. That bipolar moment when I want to go but want to stay. It is a terrible thing to have such contrasting thoughts and to have to deal with them each and every day. To want to go to heaven to be with your loved ones but not want to leave those that are still here. The fears of going battling the desire to stay can be more torment to the mind that you could imagine.
And all of this has to do with perception, why???? I learned some things over the past few days. Something I have always known but needed a little kick in the Butt to see straight again. What I now perceive to be truth is this. I have little to no say in the grand scheme of things. God, in my life, watching over me makes the decision, not me. he decides when I leave this world. He decides what is best for me. I would not die unless he allowed it to happen. I thought about how I had been the past few days. Worry will give you an attitude that is topped by very litte, if anything at all. I was snappy and scared. And I realized that perhaps I had not been contributing enough to the friendly side of me. I was yelling at kids when it hit me. A voice said{LOL Not those voices} to me "What if this is your last few minutes on earth? If you died today, where would your heart be? What would you say to God when you got to the Gates of Heaven? IT truly made me sit down and think things over. What could I do, CAN I do to change things in my life so that I don't place myself in a bad situation Again? I felt the stress as I was yelling. I felt something inside of me saying "Calm down and relax." "Let It go and settle your own self." I walked away and Cried. I cried for fear of leaving this world. I cried for staying. I cried for the recipient of my wrath. My perception of this was that should it be my last moments on Earth, what is the last thing or last words I want someone to see or hear? There would be no chance to take it back. There would be no time to say "I am so sorry for my words." Your last moments with the ones you love so very much would be a yelling voice. Not a good way to go out.
I decided that I will live every day, as the song says, like it was my last day on earth. I will hug the girls a few extra times each day. I will walk in the forest and take in God's beauty. I will tell someone that they matter so much to me every day.I will praise God for allowing me to stay another time. I will tell all of you reading this that we are sisters and brothers and that I care about you and want Only good things for you.My life has been spared once again and I am giving thanks and praise to God for his life-saving touch. And I will smile at people when they walk past me. It could be someone that could be a friend to you.
Life is short and it can be cut shorter in an instant.Let your last moment be a good moment. Enjoy life and laugh a lot. {{Perception:to grasp mentally;take note (of); observe and to become aware (of) through one of the senses, esp. through sight.}} I have grasped again that there is NO promise of a tomorrow... only the promise of eternal life in Heaven. Live it well, you only get one time.

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