Sunday, March 29, 2009

Space... the ever so sought after need.

"Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Star ship, Enterprise. It's 5 year mission, To explore strange new worlds,To seek out new life and new civilizations... To boldly go where no man has gone before!" William Shatner spoke these words in the opening moments of each Star Trek show and movie. He is famous for those few words spoken with such command. The words pop into my little Bipolar head more than I care to admit.But I take them and put my own twist on them as many have done before me. They have meaning for me that is not so unlike the words meant for "outer-space." Space. The distance from other people or things that a person needs in order to remain comfortable. Perfectly describe.
This is the space I write about today. I hear Shatners words and think "wow, if you only knew." {{Space, the ever so sought after need. These are the journeys of Darrel Day. His life long ambition: To explore strange New worlds, because his is sometimes to frightening. To seek out new lives that he can talk to, help, reach out to and care for. New civilizations: Worlds new to me that fulfill a desire to know something about everything. "Boldly" going where no man... well at least {few} men or women have gone before." That "space" being the "The distance from other people or things that a person needs in order to remain comfortable."
It is a place I so desperately need. Not just Desire but truly need. Like Captain James T. Kirk, to see a world of vast emptiness to run around like a kid in. To not have sounds and confrontations or people questioning some of your actions. It is an aching need that my body and soul feel and it has a knowing with it. A knowing that I will re-act to the feeling of "closed in" if I do not soon find that "Space." There isn't really a need to be bipolar to feel this but if you take how you feel when you need that "space" then quadrupole it, you may indeed find the place that I am and have been for some time now. The bipolar brain feels crowded even in an empty room sometimes. I am sure many of you reading this Can relate to these words. Just as we can feel very Alone in that same room, wall to wall with people.
The desire to go away and hibernate for a while is so strong at times. The knowledge, whether it is just in my head or reality, that the only way to avoid hurting someone I love so deeply, is to keep clear of them. For someone to come into direct contact with me, is opening them selves up for hurt. Some-where inside, I know this isn't true but my head says differently. And truly, that is all that matters because I Believe! Space away from anyone that knows me and can judge or comment on concern of where I am mentally or otherwise. To talk with people about anything and do so without them thinking in their heads "I know you and I know the things you do. Why would I take advice from someone that can not even keep his own life in check."
"Space." It IS the final frontier. A place where someone can escape the world they live in and step into a "New" world! A world that is filled with new life and new civilizations. Boldly going there because there is no "Baggage" waiting to be picked up or checked in. A billion miles of emptiness, waiting to be filled with memories, love, care-giving and silence. A silence so deep you can Feel it. This Space, so sought after, is very often nearly impossible to find..................

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