Monday, October 27, 2008

Escape... do we really ever do that!?

Escape... A word with so many meanings. To get away seen or unseen is just one. Sometimes we seek to escape from the world around us. As I sit here and ponder the latest Low I "escaped" from, I wonder how far it is that I have escaped. I think about those around me and whether they too have sought to escape. Not from their surrounding world but from me. The issues I deal with I know they too must deal with. The Low lasted for a very long time this round. It took me places I really do Not like going.
And then I think about why it is that I write these things in my blog. I write them for two reasons. One reason is that the writing is therapy for my heart and mind. It allows me to flush some of the things that awaken me in the night from my mind. It creates for me an avenue to release some guilt or pain or heartache that plagues my soul. To perhaps start fresh... a new day, and to escape from yesterdays failures or hurts that I may have caused someone that loves me.
I also write here to help others maybe understand the world of a Bipolar. It may be someone that is Bipolar or a loved one that deals with a bipolar person. I hope to open some eyes to the world that we live in everyday by telling about my own personal life. Understanding that Bipolar does not only effect those that are diagnosed but it has very often the same or more issues for the loved ones that give us a "safe" place to hide.
I was terribly disturbed at a recent Law and Order SVU that was on T.V. this week. It opened by portraying one of the detectives daughters as "flipping out." It showed her becoming horribly violent and trashing everything around her. She stole a necklace worth a lot of money and hit and punched her way past her father. I am not here to say that there are sometimes extreme occurrences from being Bipolar. I know that there truly are. I also know that every bipolar person reacts differently in some way. We are all the same and yet very unique in our own way. What truly bothered me about the show was that they never really got around to showing that we also live quite "normally" an are NOT always the violent ones in this world. The sole portrayal of only one side of the disorder is wrong and it leaves those that do NOT know about the disorder thinking that ANYONE that is Bipolar is a "bomb" waiting to explode.
There are so many people that do not understand what it is to be bipolar and their only source of information is what they see on T.V. I hope somehow to give people a better insight to being and living with bipolar, for both the bipolar person and those around them. Even members of my own family that see me each and every day sometimes question what it is and whether it really does exist. I know that it is sometimes frightening to think of a loved one or friend having this or any other mental disorder. For my family, the also have the issue of my tourettes to deal with. Even I feel sorry for them.;)
Have I "escaped" it if I am sitting here right now writing to you about it? Do I really ever "escape" it or do I just step back away from it for a time? I wonder... I think that maybe I really just hide for a while. I don't know that aside of meds, which my mind simply does not allow me to take, there truly may not be an "escape."

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