A New year with the same Mind!!!

It is now the New year! 2009. Welcome to 2009... and Welcome to My World.A world where time passes and you watch it happening. A world of personifying the words "net-surfing." A world, My world sub-named "planet Bipolar." This is a place that is partly responsible for causing those that love us grief. They sit, waiting for us, ready to leave for an appointment or to go home or to the store. I sit here this morning, a loved ones worst nightmare, knowing I should be doing wash, making an important phone call, finishing what was started yesterday and needs finishing today. I look at my watch and see the time slip past. The anxiety inside of my body causing me to shake a bit and make my breathing a little faster than it need be.Why don't I just get up and do the things I know will calm me? Why do I watch time go by, allowing myself to get tensed with fear that someone else will do what I am supposed to do, even though I am NOT doing it myself right now? Again I say, welcome to my world.
If you have a loved one that leaves you exactly where I am describing right now, be kind and patient. Yes, I know, sometimes there really isn't time to be patient. Sometimes there are meetings to be at or things to pick up from the store that will close soon. Believe me, you yelling at us and reminding us of things we already know will NOT make us move faster. And if it does, we will be unbearable for the next hour, week maybe even days. My family has adapted the "Oops" strategy. What is that, you asked? That is when We arrive,late, as usual and per my inability to make the decision to leave the house. Late by my watch but a half of am hour EARLY according to the rest of the families watches. Why? Because, "Oops, did we say 1:00 o'clock? We meant to say 1:30." Yes, they give me a false time to be somewhere and My mind doesn't struggle so much to say "Hmmm, is that the correct time or a fake time so we will be there on time?" This really does work and it saves my family a lot of "sorry we are lates."
Understand if you can try that we do not purposefully want to be late. We do not go out of our way to screw up your day.The ability to make a simple decision to leave somewhere, anywhere at the precise time we were planning to is a huge battle for people that are bipolar. I have written of this before. The fact that the Holidays are over and we are most likely coming down from a huge euphoric high, wandering aimlessly into what is sure to be a nasty Low, does not help in any way. So here we sit, all i know needing done today, phone calls that should have been made, laundry still untouched. Anxietic as Hell and yet doing nothing to fix it because... because my brain simply hasn't processed it enough for me act. I will, I assure you.
Why do I write this today? Because this morning I woke up in MY world. A world of confusion and wonder and fear and smiles. A world that is unlike the world most live in. A place that leaves me unable to do a damn thing but sit here and tell you about it all. Hoping that the writing will open my world up enough to where I can function. I write in hopes that in the new year, you will have a better understanding of the loved one you share your life with. trying to give you a heads up so that there need not be cruel things said or anger flared because that loved one simply can not get "moving" as you may have already said to them. Just a little help for you both. Hugsssssss to you all. Always, Darrel