Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Time... and Time Again.

Time... a subject I have written on before and yet there is a wonderful thing about the mind. As long as we keep it open and do not cease using it, we can always learn more. Life's changes and events give us the option to use or discard new insights to things we have written about. We look at the subject through different views or we find that Time itself has given reasons to add to what we have already said. I write for a specific reason today. A reason I will give to you a bit later. For now, I will tell what what I have learned about Time.
 Time has a different meaning to everyone. Not just based on our character or our "make-up" but also because we percieve it to mean something new depending on where we are in our lives and even our age. When a child of 4 or 5 years old says "and when I was a little girl/boy, long time ago...", it can not help but make an adult standing near to smile. How very long ago can 5 years be? Well, to a child who feels like they have lived a long life already, it can be as long as they want it to be. "I have been waiting my WHOLE life to see this" coming form a small child again gives us reason to smile because thier "whole" life fills the entire area of a T-spoon when compared to 50 years old. To stand them in a corner for a 5 minute "time-out" is as long to them as the ocean is huge. It is an eternity to stare at that wall. To you and I, it may very well have been only 5 minutes but to that child, half their life seems to be gone now. 
 When you become a Teen, time takes on a whole new numbers game. Taking 3 days to clean their room was "just a few minutes" to them. Talking to their friends on the phone or computer for 3 hours was only "A few minutes" in their thoughts of time. Take that computer away or thier cell phone away for the weekend and time takes on a whole new dimension for them. One weekend is the same thing to them as "forever." Thier "15" BFF's will no doubt forget who they are and move on to new BFF's before that Friday and Saturday finally pass by. Telling them to take out the trash and hearing "In a minute" translates into "when you get mad enough to threaten to take one of my gadgets away" or the next day, which-ever actually comes first. Time has little meaning to them unless You are taking to long to dress and they have friends waiting at the Mall for them. 
 We all smile at these things later in life but the reality of it is that Time does have a totally different meaning, depending on where we are in life and what events have happened. For an adult, the space between vacation time, the drive home from work, the time it takes to get your order from a fast food place when you are tired and want to get home, IS Forever. The hours between going to bed and the alarm going off are possibly the very "shortest" spans of time for us. "I swear  I JUST laid my head down on the pillow" is a saying we have All used.
 But what has any of this got to do with what I really am writing about today? Time is as short or as long as the event that has brought you to where you are today. Yesterday, as I sat alone here at my computer, I wanted so to write. I had it all in my head, exactly what I was going to say. I did not write. My mind simply would not allow it yesterday and so today I write instead. Five years ago, yesterday, 3/8/06, I lost someone that meant more to me than life itself. My wife of 24 years was taken to Heaven by God. She and I shared a life that was mixed with the greatest of love and laughter and smiles and blessings... and of sorrow and pain and the fact that I had failed to be strong enough to be faithful, after so many years. I failed my Love, my Children, my Family and even myself. Only the greatest of love kept Sheila and I together until she went to Heaven. Tears and reliving and trying to understand so many things have made time for me, do so many things. Sometimes, it didn't move at all. A year passed and it seemed very much like only yesterday.
 Time for each of us is relevant most when it applies to sonmething happening in our lives that disrupts the normal "tick-tock" of our clocks. Someone once told me that "Time" would heal all sorrows. They assured me that "time" would one day make that day seem far, far away. moving on was going to allow me to look at that day and not feel what I felt the day the Surgeon said he could not save her. The hours, sitting at her bedside, crying and trying so hard Not to let her know she was going to die, were for me an eternity. Brushing her cheek and singing her favorite songs while she lay there seemed to be just a momonet and yet hours had passed. Looking back and whispering to myself "when we were at the lake" or "That time you slipped at the Motel" make it seem as if time didn't move at all. It becomes yesterday or just a day or two ago. 
  How long is an hour??? How many minutes are there in 25 years? Will I grieve for the loss very long? Time... a word that takes on a new face, a different span, depending on what you are doing or who you are missing. I think it has been forever ago that she left me here. I know it has been 5 years. The calendar says so. It was only a day ago for me., and I miss her so much. "When I was a little girl/boy now makes sense to me. It doesn't always seem like such a long time but to that child it is because he has Lived it "his entire life." Yesterday was a long time ago and it was just a minute ago because "I have lived it." I Have moved on with my life and live a very blessed life. I have love and smiles and laughter and tears and sadness enough to last me a lifetime. And I have the memory and warmth of "Only Yesterday." So you see, Time has it's own meaning to each person. It can be as long as you want it to be or as short as you need it to be.     

2 comments:

Susan said...

It has been a while since I have stooed by here. I cannot tell you if the pain will get better over time because I put my pain in a locked place far from the light of day. If it hurts, I do not think about it, ever. It is that simple for me. Healthy? Probably not, but pain is something I can not bear. And so I protect my heart at all costs. I don't think I know what it is to love someone that much. God bless you Darrel.

Darrel said...

I think you only love that way once in a lifetime. and some, never. I have been blessed more than any man deserves. I am thankful...

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