Friday, August 20, 2010

Writing... is it always safe???????????

Thoughts chase me down this morning. Something different from the norm for me. I am usually the one that is chasing them, trying to hold on to just one single thought, even if only for a moment. I am sure it is because of the recent offer I was given by my publisher. One of those "want to, should I, Do I dare, scared and excited" moments for me. I have been asked to write my "memoirs" for them. Hmmmmm????
 Don't get me wrong. I am excited and feel honored to have been asked. And of course, I am going to do so. Contract is already signed. Quickly, I might add because I know me and did not want to give myself too much time to talk myself out of doing this. But with all the excitement comes the fear. I have led an extremely full life. I have seen things and done things that not everyone in the world has the opportunity and often blessing to do so. I have penned and been published twice. I have cut and produced and sold a CD of my own songs. I have known love and happiness, loss and sorrow, guilt and guiltless actions. I have been from the brightest of life's blessings to the darkest places a man or woman could ever NOT want to go.
 So why the fear? I promise there are no buried bodies in my backyard. Well, at least to the best of my knowledge and certainly none that were put there by me. So what do I have to fear in writing about what I think will be a very interesting read by anyone that chooses to pick the book up? I have spent what seems to be a lifetime of living trying to keep thoughts buried back in the far reaches of my mind. People I hurt and things I did that I was not always proud to know I had done them. There are things in my life that few have ever been told about. Secrets that I wrote about in abstract ways so that if someone I knew, close friends or relatives read about them, they might pass them off as just writing.
 I have told, behind closed doors, things to my Therapist, that only she knows. There are moments and issues and happenings in my life that the only one who knew of them is now in heaven. A wonderfully full and happy childhood, filled with travels and adventures that walk side by side with those of any explorer you might read about. Frightening things that most would have ran from and yet... I lived them. And of course, there is always the bipolar and tourrettes and whatever else you want to toss in the hat. Reasons why I am the man I am today. Escapes from life and realities and the places that I have been in my life that were and still are impossible to hide from, try as I might.
 So here I am, back to the beginning, getting ready to write about all of the things that I have worked so very hard to keep hidden or buried so that I did NOT have to face them. I wonder... will this take me down memory lane, bringing warm and fuzzy feelings to my soul?  Am I opening Pandora's box? Will the words I write come back to haunt me or bring back to the surface thoughts and pain and fear that I have so dutifully kept locked behind doors that are hidden behind other doors? This, may in fact be the most "self-created" roller-coaster ride of my entire life. Writing is normally extremely therapeutic for me. In fact, very much so. I wonder if THIS time... I will feel the same way.  

3 comments:

Jack Kung said...

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KB said...

If a life is worth living...it's worth writing about hun. DO IT. Lots of love sweetie x

Darrel said...

thank you for vsiting. The writing has begun and so far... so good. So many memories of places I have been. Thank you again very much...

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