Saturday, March 8, 2008

The dance...

The nurses used to say "It looks like you are dancing" everytime I lifted Sheila. I would lean forward and she would slip her arms over mine. She would wrap around me and I would wrap around her. Then as I stood, she would come up with me. Sometimes I would steal a hug for a moment before moving her to where ever we were going. I would slowly turn her body around in a circle, our steps learned long ago.And then I would lower her to her chair or be and smile at her. She would smile and say "thanks good lookin'."
It is said that a dance is said to be taking a series of rhythmical steps (and movements) in time to music. Dancing is said to be movements, rhythmically usually to music, using prescribed or improvised steps and gestures. The improvised edition I think was hers and mine. Each lift was different and we would adjust to meet the need at the time. We certainly danced in our own way. And as for the music, the love we shared and the laughter and smiles were our music. It played loud and clear for us. No one else needed to hear it. It was OURS.
And Love... Love was so strong and was such a part of our everything. It has so many beautiful thing about it. Funny thing...Love. It is a word that personifies all that we search for in our lives. Men have killed for it, women have died from the lack of it. It is an emotion, a way of life, a weapon and need. Love also can be the most elated, sensual feeling one can ever have. Ahhhhh, but it can also tear your into pieces and strip your mind of all common sense.
When you fall in Love, it is the beautiful feeling you will ever know. The sky is bluer and the grass greener. The nights are better and the days filled with dreams of the night. You will forget appointments and eating and anything else that might take your thoughts away from this special love you have found.
But one thing else comes with this unconditional Love you have found. A chance. A chance that one day this love that is everything to you and the very reason you get out of bed every day could one day go away. The chance that YOU will be the one left behind to finish out your life, without her/him.
I know about this chance because I took it. I fell madly in Love with My Angel, who for 23 years fought the most courgeous battle against Muscular Dystrophy and heart disease. This love that was the world to me was suddenly taken to heaven on March 8th, 2006. Yes, two years ago this day. She fought and won so many battles and she did it with grace and courage. never ever was the option of quitting allowed in her vocabulary. Our love was a rare love and it was and is cherished then and today.
I will cry another million tears today for the loss of her being here. I will smile a billion smiles as I remember all the things we shared in this life. I will hold her in my heart and my memories until the day I can be reunited with her in heaven. Just know this... the deeper the In Love, the more pain and sorrow and loss of even your ownself comes with it. But then as the song says, "and now i am glad i didnt know the way it all would end, the way it was gonna go... My life was better left to "Chance", I could have missed the pain... But then I would have had to miss the "Dance."

9 comments:

Charlie Wolfe said...

I don't know where you find the strength to remember and write the way you do. I envy what you found and hope that someday I will find it, too. And maybe, someday, you will be blessed again...you will be in my prayers, with only the best things wished for you....

The Transparent Hypnotist said...

This is so beautiful. What a tribute to her, and you. It is good that you keep her in your heart, even if there is the pain of separation. You have loved well and been loved. That is amazing.

Darrel said...

the stength is in telling her that I will always love her. Feeling her sitting with me and helping me through lifes happenings. I thank you from my heart and soul for looking at this. It means so very much to me. Hugsss to you for this... Always Darrel

Darrel said...

I thankyou hypn for reading this and for your kind words here.They make the writing stand up and me want to keep on writing. Thank you so so very much for this. Always, Darrel

Bette said...

Darrel, again you move me. I can completely understand the Love felt as I found mine 12 yrs ago. We've endured his eyesight being threatened; a scary incident where we thought he was having a heart attack (he had a flu in the heart-sac); adult 5th disease (resembles Lupus); and most recently a stroke that he fortunately came out of close to 100%. I would be lost without this person, who is the only one outside of my family, to take me just as I am - many faults and all. He really is my last stop on the road of the heart, I never knew what is truly was before him and can't imagine ever feeling it again for someone else.
Thank you for finding it within you to share parts of your world with all of us.
~Liz

Darrel said...

Bette
thank you for your beautiful words and for sharing the life you share with your Love. I will keep him in my prayers now and watch God touch your life as I know he will and already has in a powerful way. God Bless you and your family and know that your words have made me smile. Thank you for that. Always, Darrel

Magdalen Islands said...

This is a beautiful and emotional post, Darrel. You had what most of can only dream about.

Michelle said...

Darrel ,Sheila finally won the battle and went home to be with our heavenly father ..the final reward will be in being with her through eternity.you were left behind to finish the work you were put here to do and Sheila lives in your heart and soul and all that you do

Darrel said...

Again you find a way to touch my heart deeply with your precious words. She DID win and she IS receiving her rewards for all she endured here on earth just to be with us.I do pray that I make God feel as if he picked the right man to what it was he wanted done in Sheila and My life together. Thank you for your kindness and love. Always, Darrel

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