Saturday, March 8, 2008

The dance...

The nurses used to say "It looks like you are dancing" everytime I lifted Sheila. I would lean forward and she would slip her arms over mine. She would wrap around me and I would wrap around her. Then as I stood, she would come up with me. Sometimes I would steal a hug for a moment before moving her to where ever we were going. I would slowly turn her body around in a circle, our steps learned long ago.And then I would lower her to her chair or be and smile at her. She would smile and say "thanks good lookin'."
It is said that a dance is said to be taking a series of rhythmical steps (and movements) in time to music. Dancing is said to be movements, rhythmically usually to music, using prescribed or improvised steps and gestures. The improvised edition I think was hers and mine. Each lift was different and we would adjust to meet the need at the time. We certainly danced in our own way. And as for the music, the love we shared and the laughter and smiles were our music. It played loud and clear for us. No one else needed to hear it. It was OURS.
And Love... Love was so strong and was such a part of our everything. It has so many beautiful thing about it. Funny thing...Love. It is a word that personifies all that we search for in our lives. Men have killed for it, women have died from the lack of it. It is an emotion, a way of life, a weapon and need. Love also can be the most elated, sensual feeling one can ever have. Ahhhhh, but it can also tear your into pieces and strip your mind of all common sense.
When you fall in Love, it is the beautiful feeling you will ever know. The sky is bluer and the grass greener. The nights are better and the days filled with dreams of the night. You will forget appointments and eating and anything else that might take your thoughts away from this special love you have found.
But one thing else comes with this unconditional Love you have found. A chance. A chance that one day this love that is everything to you and the very reason you get out of bed every day could one day go away. The chance that YOU will be the one left behind to finish out your life, without her/him.
I know about this chance because I took it. I fell madly in Love with My Angel, who for 23 years fought the most courgeous battle against Muscular Dystrophy and heart disease. This love that was the world to me was suddenly taken to heaven on March 8th, 2006. Yes, two years ago this day. She fought and won so many battles and she did it with grace and courage. never ever was the option of quitting allowed in her vocabulary. Our love was a rare love and it was and is cherished then and today.
I will cry another million tears today for the loss of her being here. I will smile a billion smiles as I remember all the things we shared in this life. I will hold her in my heart and my memories until the day I can be reunited with her in heaven. Just know this... the deeper the In Love, the more pain and sorrow and loss of even your ownself comes with it. But then as the song says, "and now i am glad i didnt know the way it all would end, the way it was gonna go... My life was better left to "Chance", I could have missed the pain... But then I would have had to miss the "Dance."

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