Friday, November 5, 2010

Time alone... is it enough???

I don't go here often anymore... at least not in writing. I feel the pain and sorrow as strongly today as I did 4 years ago. I hear people say that Time heals all. I listen to people talk about how they live in the present and in the future. The past is no longer an "issue" for them. Hmmmm, I wonder if that is totally true. I too live in the present and the future but both have been form in part by my own past. Places I have been and things I have done created the life that is now and in front of me. Now and then, I still go back.
 This morning, listening to an old Elvis tract, he sang "Memories" to me. {Memories, pressed between the pages of my mind. Memories, sweeter as it ages just like wine.......} Words, precious and true that rang through me like church bells, perhaps in part because of the way that Elvis put so much emotion in his words. My heart and mind traveled back for a moment. I remembered our first snowball fight. I recalled the time before our first daughter was born, Time we spent laughing and smiling and playing. We would walk in the rain and never feel it's cold. We would run and reach out in front of our selves, as if we could catch the wind and ride it for a while.
 Time heals??? Time does have it's effects on the memories we carry inside of our hearts and souls. I do not cry every time I think of my Sheila. I do not dwell and allow myself to drift away from the present or for go the future for fear I may one day forget. I assure you that forgetting is not going to be an issue I need worry about. But I don't think Time could do what it is somehow meant to be without adding and element to it. New... new memories, new people, new hearts to love and memories to make. That is an element that I believe absolutely Must be present in order to truly move forward. Without new memories to fill in and grow, I think that a person might simply atrophy. Their hearts and souls, their very being needs to be fed new realities. This is what moves a person on after the loss of a loved one. I don't think it is a matter of "Time" as much as it is having memories to add to the old ones and make them not quite as predominate in ones mind. Always in the heart but perhaps a little bit of peace of the soul also.
 Today... I think of my love and all that we were to each other. She was my best friend and my lover. She was my safe place and my heart. She was the world to me in so many ways. She will remain all of those things, I think forever but, I am also allowing for new memories and new life to come forth. A new grandchild has come into my life. baby Robert is a gift from heaven and I believe with my heart and soul that My Sheila saw him before any of us did.

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