Thursday, March 5, 2009

Now you see it, Now... you dont??? Bipolar

A mind is a funny thing. It has the ability to not only work our minds but also hearts and lives. Sometimes, things happen that we don't even see coming. I look at myself and at others I know that suffer from the same afflictions I have and I realize that many things in my life or orchestrated by the disorder. I am of course talking about Bipolar and how it effects my every day. I think about the health issues that come with it that are seldom mentioned. Particularly, the anxiety attacks. To those that have loved ones or friends that are bipolar, I say this. Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. People so often say to me or to those closest to me "I don't see anything wrong with him. He acts normal around me." Those words may be partly true. But there are reasons why that may be.
Let's take a back injury for a moment as a similarity. People have back injuries sometimes that may not always flare or give signs when others are around. It certainly does NOT in any way mean that there is no suffering. Perhaps when you saw them they weren't hurting to badly. Maybe you didn't know what to look for. The back injury is so much like being bipolar. The reasons you don't see the disorder may be the fact that you don't always no what you are looking for. There are often times, especially when i am around friends or family that I muster up everything I have inside of me to make sure that no one sees my twitches or hears my outbursts. It makes people uncomfortable and therefore causes me to feel strange or embarrassed. But while i am striving to keep composed, the anxiety builds with in me and causes my heart to race {also unseen by the naked eye} and my breathing to be laboured. Few things in this life are more terrifying than an anxiety attack. they place a lot of stress on the body and fog the mind so that a decision is all but impossible to make. So the fact that someone doesn't see me in a huge panic unless hives break out or it is just becomes too much to hold in does not mean I am Alright.
One of the reasons that this disorder is so often not diagnosed or misdiagnosed is because many try to keep it hidden. The world still doesn't completely accept it and they know too little about it to really want to get to close to it. What loved ones, family, friends do not understand is that by not wanting to accept it or by saying "get over it" or "It's all in your head, let it go" they place us in the position to have anxiety attacks and to seek out somewhere to hide so that no one sees us. That stress alone ages our bodies and stresses or hearts and bodies. So sad that by simply loving us and trying, just trying to understand, that it can do so many things for us. It can relieve so much stress and give us a chance not to freak and not to have the panic attacks.
So please, I write this to say "Just because you can not see it does NOT mean it isn't there. Learn, take time to ask and find the signs, sometimes subtle, that may tell you that we are feeling boxed in or that we are feeling the need for air. That to me shows more love than anything else you could possibly ever do. I just felt the need to write this as it truly is an issue today, even in my own little world.
Hugsssss to you all... always Darrel.


I was doing a bit of reading yesterday and some thoughts came to my mind. I know, a little scary but none the less, I Was thinking. lol I was thinking about relationships and how we treat our partner. I think the way we treat them comes back around to our own lives and hearts. They are with us daily, whether your Love is next to you or 5000 miles away and looking at you through a screen, they are with you. I won't go into a long talk on how real people in your net circle are very real, I have covered that many times for you. Suffice to say that no matter where they are or how you choose to talk with them, they are as real as any friend that you might meet face to face.
Soooooooooooo, anyways, lol... I was thinking about your relationship with the one you love. I thought about the way Sheila and I treated one another. We made certain that we never in 24 years, raised our voices to one another nor did we ever go to bed angry with each other. Not that we never disagreed, of course we did. But we always talked things out and finished our day with hugs and kisses. Love is that way.
I thought about the difference in loving someone so much you would give anything, do anything and be sure nothing ever came across as harsh or cruel. There is even a line that separates the way a couple gives to one another in the physical way that places a line down and separates lust and love. And I do believe that both exist even in a marriage or partnership as some may be called. This I will come back to in a moment or two. First, I want again to talk about how we treat our loved one. If we are to want respect and caring then we must always be sure we are giving the same. Couples have ways of saying "I love you" without ever saying a spoken word. You have to give of yourself, be willing to do whatever it takes to allow your love to know that you are thinking of them. When you are not together as sitting near one another or able to see each other eye to eye, you can leave the knowledge with them that they are with you and on your mind and heart no matter where you might be. That takes time and it is something that doesn't come by oral words but by a feeling that grows, a bond that forms between two people in love. The kind of oneness that lets other notice you finishing one anothers sentences, knowing what the other is thinking just by looking in their eyes. Love is a mutual walk and unless both of you walk along the same path, distance grows and you become strangers.
I mentioned that their can be love and lust, even in a relationship based on pure Love. Though it seems that it might not fit into a common marriage, sometimes the desire simply comes on and takes over and you find the two of you making a way to be alone for a few. this is of course up to each couple. Sometimes, it keeps a fire going that fills in a relationship nicely.
I don't know why i wrote this today. Just something that was on my mind. Read it and think about how you and your partner treat one another. Do you give the respect back that you expect to receive? Do you show her how special she is? Do you leave her with the knowledge that she is with you no matter where you are or what you are doing/ Those things coupled with good communication are to me the foundation of love.

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