Monday, April 28, 2008

Hits4Pay site.

This site pays small but does add uo fast so give it a try. It is fast AND easy so it won't take away from other things you want to do. Just click on this banner and away you go. Doesn't get any better than that. Darrel

When it's near "Your" heart...

Are we a flexible people are what? When crime or hard times are happening 1000 miles away, we say... Damn. When someone talks about cloning or doing something totally different from what is the "norm", we say "No Way!" We can be completely "anti" anything at any given time. I am sometimes the worst one for this. I have my thoughts and my convictions and you can't sway me. Or can you!?
Move that crime or the hard times next door or in my home and life and then ask me again how I feel. Let a doctor or Judge turn a rapist or pedophile free, but before he does, tell him he has to let the perp live next door to him. See how slow the paperwork to release becomes.Our thoughts change as well as our willingness to understand why some people are pro this or anti that when it touches our lives personally. I was told from childhood that the Native Americans said "Do not condemn a man until you have walked in his shoes." I believe this to be as strong and true as the "Golden Rule."
I want you to think about an article I read this weekend. It was a recap of a family that had the heart of a monkey placed in their baby girls body in an attempt to save her life. I remember the horrible things people said then and how it was called everything from inhuman to an abomination. And then I thought of my own daughters. I thought too of my Sheila. I was one back then that thought "Oh My God, they are playing God." But I had not walked in that families shoes. It wasn't my baby or my Sheila that laid there in front of me, dieing. If someone would have come to me 2 years ago, as I sat beside my Love and watched the life go out of her and said "We can save her and give her back to you", I would have said "show me how!"
I think of Stem Cell Research and how very adamant I was against anything to do with it at one time. I am not writing to argue the rights or wrongs here. I am merely showing how we can have a change of thoughts or heart when it becomes a reality in our own home and life. I was against the use of such things until someone I love very dearly was saved and her cancer knocked out by Stem Cell Treatment. It made me rethink all I had and open my mind a bit more.
One more such thing that I had other thoughts on and perhaps still do, I think. Cloning. Shhhhhhh, I know, such a naughty word, yet once again I say "bring it inside your own home." To tell me that My Sheila could still be with me today or that one for my daughters would live a longer, better life because they cloned a liver or heart for her would cause me to rethink my inhibitions about this procedure.
My point being here is the fact that our entire outlook on everything we know or think can be changed by simply placing "It always happens to someone else" along side of "It could happen to me or mine." See how your thoughts swirl and your mind goes in a hundred directions. Directions that we so easily say "not mine" to. If I have done nothing else here, I have given you some very interesting reading material in links. And perhaps, I have given you food for thought. I know there is very little that I would not try if it meant making my family live better, healthier. But then... that is just me.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Things I know about Tears in the night.

Silent moments often bring on silent memories. Memories from the past that are ever with us but are at times stirred by a sound, a smell, just a minutes thinking to long.With these memories many times come tears. IS it alright to cry? Is it o.k. for a "man" to shed tears? Well, if it is not then I guess I will have to face whatever stereotyped thoughts some may have. Nothing someone thinks will change the tears I cry in the night. After 23 years of loving and standing beside My Love, I think I earned a few. And as a bonus, crying has been found to be a healthy and often needed release of built up tensions and emotions. No, I don't go stand on the street corner and bawl my eyes out. Grandstand tears are meaningless and show no true sadness to me. But I guess I am getting away from my purpose for writing at 2 a.m.
There are so many reasons why I cry in my nights. Most I think you may relate too. I lay in my bed at night and I remember talking with My Love about tomorrow. We talked about our yesterdays and plans for the weekend. We laughed sometimes, we smiled a lot and yes... we made love. Did I tell her how much she meant to me? Did I hold her in a way that she knew? I lay in my bed at night and I talk to her just like I would if she were physically laying beside me. I ask her things that I am having trouble figuring out and wait for an answer.
What brings these things on? What makes them so powerful some nights. Perhaps events of the day or things that you heard or felt. The questions you ask seem silly at times but when they were asked... they seemed very right. My question tonight was... When do you just quit "reaching for the stars?" Ever ask yourself that question? I do. I had been playing my guitar and singing with my daughter and family. It is something I enjoy doing so much and can do for hours. My daughter had to work in the early morning. I knew this and understand her need for sleep. Something I require almost none of. She excused herself and others said they too wanted to sleep. I still had song inside of me. I was not ready to just stop. And then it hit me. Suddenly I was flooded with memories of when Sheila was here. I remembered the excitement of when I was cutting my CD. I remember how happy and proud she was of me when it was finished and we listened to it together. She would sit for hours, even tired, and just listen to me play and my heart would swell so big.
And of course, one memory begets another and I was remembering when my first novel was published. The excitement and the smiles as we opened it and read D.R.Day on the cover 100 times. She was so proud of me. My second novel was no different for her. She hugged and smiled and hugged me some more. She was my greatest fan even I think sometimes when what I did wasn't so grand. I remembered it all and the emotions flooded my soul. I wondered who I share my next novel with? Who will fill my heart with the love and happiness that she did. And the tears began.
I put my guitar away and just thought. Tears in the night are something I am familiar with. Falling asleep on a damp pillow is nothing I am a stranger to. The reasons are not new to me and I do not feel silly for crying them. What I do feel is this. Do you keep dreaming your dreams? Do you continue to "reach for the stars" when one of the stars is the very love you did it all for? Tonight, I will cry more when I sleep. I will talk with Sheila about the things we did and dreamed of doing.
Is it alright to cry in the night? If it isn't then I am doing wrong because tonight... I will cry for her. For her and for the way she sat and listened tirelessly as I sang my songs...

Saturday, April 19, 2008

TokSee IS the place to be...

Once in a while, someone yells to you that they have something you might want. My first thought is... I have enough blogsites, I don't need more workplaces, I know I should run and hide now. This particular lady, dear to my heart was however persistant enough I went and had a look-see. I was impressed. Here was a site sitting on the verge of changing everything we think of the net and communications. A place that is going to dish out not only knowledge and avenues to better ways to communicate, but opportunities to people that will reach millions.
I don't know about you, but I want to be in on the ground breaking so I don't miss my piece of the revelution. Evalution never looked so good. If this seems interesting to you, then have a look for yourself. If there are any questions then I refer you too the dear friend that opened my eyes to Toksee. You can find her at her homesite. Just tell her Darrel sent you.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

What's in a name?

I was watching the news today and an old issue came up.The newsman was saying that charges were "pending" against a man charged with molesting a 9 year old. Something about the way it was said tore into me as it always does. This pedophiliac did something that was named wrong. The word pedophilia is absolutely wrongly used concerning creatures that prey on children. It is used in the most non-chalant way in reference to a very Not so non-chalant act.
These predators do NOT like nor do they love children, no matter what their twisted minds may tell them. While it may be fact that most pedophiles are the creation of an act that was done to them, they still are NOT lovers of children. They are sick individuals that bring more sorrow and more pain to a child than most anything else in the world.
There must surely be a name that means "hater of children" though I have searched and searched and have not found it. The only word I could find for a man that "rapes" a little girl was pedophile. The words we use seem to differ when we talk of children and when we talk of adults. When we say a name or ear-mark a certain people {I use the word people loosely}, then we need to make it say what they truly are.
I used the word Rape in my previous paragraph because that is indeed what it is. To use the word "molestation" somehow lessens the horrible act of Rape of a child. When we hear of a man that raped a woman we say "Oh my God, I hope they catch the bastard!" We label him a Rapist and toss him in prison. I say then we call the creature that "Rapes" a child a "SROC". Sexual Predator Of Children. Give them a name that when someone says it, people respond to it in a very aggressive way.
Pedophile? I say call a spade a spade and a sick person a sick person. Don't send them back out to rape another little girl or boy. Do NOT give them the chance to rape or kill another child. We are supposed to be the watchers of these innocent babies. Here! Here is a sign they can tattoo to their forheads for all the world to see. The mark of Cain! "I AM A SPOC! PLEASE DO NOT LET ME NEAR YOUR CHILDREN!"
Don't make it less than what is done to an adult! Don't give them a reason to not receive the same punishment as they would if this were an adult! The child deserves better than that. We are responsible for protecting these children and one way to do that is to lock these {Rapists} up for good.

In Loving memory of a beautiful Lady...

Diane Marie (Currie) Shaffer
Published: Tuesday, April 15, 2008 8:40 AM EDT
Diane Marie (Currie) Shaffer passed away at 2:15 a.m. Sunday, April 13, 2008, after a six-year battle with brain cancer.
Diane was born May 16, 1958 in Portage, Wisconsin. She lived most of her childhood in Hookstown, Pennsylvania.
She is survived by her husband, Allen Shaffer whom she married January 12, 1976; they have two children, Christopher Shaffer and his wife Lori, and their daughter, Carla Shaffer, all of Carmichaels, Pennsylvania. She is also survived by three grandchildren, Samantha, Logan, and Alexis.

I had a blog set to go this morning but it will wait. Often I hear people say things like "the internet is NOT reality" or "how can someone fall in love over a keyboard?" I have listen to some say "It isn't like they are someone you really know." Marriages that have escalated from online romances says differently. But mine is not a story of marriage but it is one of love and loss. Over the past 12 years, I have been blessed to have met some of the most beautiful, loving people one will ever know. The people on the "other side" of my screen have become household names. They have touched my heart and life as well as my families lives. And a Few knew everything about me and my family and My family knew them.
There was even a very select few that were blessed to share my daily walks with Sheila and comforted both Sheila and I when things seemed at their worst. I speak this morning of one of those people that blessed and shared our lives. Mydaughters have hand made Teddy bears from her. I have pictures and letters and memories that will never be erased from my soul.
NOT REAL? NOT true loving and caring? Then the tears I have shed this morning and still cry as I write this must not be real either. The sadness in the call I received at 5:30 this morning telling me of the death of one of Gods most beautiful ladies maybe wasn't real either. A woman that Sheila and I never met face to face, but she entered our home and life as if she had sat at our dinner table. We spoke each Christmas morning just like we did to our families living right next door. We laughed and cried and she called me and held me in her heart when Sheila went to heaven.Our children knew who each other were and my parents asked how she was as if she were one of their own. She was my friend, my confidante and a blessing that will never be taken from me. My father and my daughters will cry when they hear of her passing. And they will all understand my tears.
This morning I learned that Diane Marie {Currie} Shaffer went to heaven after a 7 year battle with brain cancer. She is survived by her husband Allen, her daughter Carla and her son Chris along with her mother, 2 sisters, one brother, and 3 grandchildren she loved so much. She went peacefully and knew God long before she went to heaven. She has a T-shirt that we gave her sooo many years ago that simply said "SPOOF." She wore it often and knew the words underneath SPOOF were from our hearts. Spoof meaning Special Part Of Our Family. And she is that.
This is a tribute to a special lady that blessed our lives for 11 years. To a lady that found roses amongst thorns and rainbows long before the rain stopped falling. Just a beautiful soul that touched the lives of everyone that knew her. She was a Godsend to our family and we will miss her voice on our machine saying "You know you are there, stop screening before I hurt you." God bless her and her family as she did ours.I am thankful to God for allowing US to share in this very wonderful ladies life. She will be terribly missed and forever remembered.
God bless you Diane. Say hello to My Sheila. You are loved here in this family.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Sunday, April 13, 2008

The unseen blessings...

Sometimes, we have a preconceived idea of what a blessing should look like. We think it should be so evident that it nearly slaps us in the face. It should come as a call from our bank saying "oops, we made a mistake and we are depositing 100.00 in your account today." It should look like a car accident that happened where everyone got out of it alive and unscathed. The friend that dropped by right when you thought you could not go one more minute without crying. "Come on, I am going to take you to lunch" and you smile. These are all blessings that at the end of the day, we give thanks to our Father in heaven for them.
But what happens to the unseen blessings? The ones we do not acknowledge at the end of our day. The ones that are there but get covered up by events of the day. It is very often the ones that come gentle or quietly that are the greatest. When we wake in the morning... that IS a blessing. Though we may face adversaries through-out or day, things that make the blessing not so visible, they are still there. The fact that you fought through your entire day should not cover the fact that you DID make it through the day. It is true that had you not woken that morning, you would not have had to deal with any bad issues that came up. Because the truth is, you would not have dealt with them because you would NOT be. You made it and now can lay your head on a pillow. Hmmmmmmmmmm??? You DO have a pillow to lay on. How many times do we count the little things we have because we JUST expect them to be there or happen.
There are so many that do Not have a place to lay their head down So many that do not have food to scrape off into the garbage because they didn't really like it or because they took too much on their second pass at the dinner spread. The unremembered smile of a passerby, the car we never saw coming that missed hitting us. What about the accident I talked about. Maybe this one someone did get hurt but, they lived through it. I know you know most of this. I think sometimes though we need to be reminded to look. It isn't about More blessings to be thankful for. It is about being thankful for the blessings we already have received. That bank mistake that had we had the money in hand before, we would not have had it right when we needed it most.
Blessings don't always jump out at us. They don't always take the form of bells and singing and angels all around us. Sometimes they are quiet and we don't see them until someone points them out to us. We need to see the butterfly, feel the gentle breeze, remember the kind smile of a face we didn't even know.
In closing I will pass on to you a story. My Sheila was always my prayers. I prayed so hard for her to blessed. I asked God nightly to give back to her her health and her legs.I told her so one night as we laid talking. I was angry that God had not heard our prayers. Where were her blessings!!!??? She then, in the beauty that was so very much her, touched my face. She smiled her smile and said this to me. Words that changed my life forever.
"Baby, every time I wake and see your face, I am blessed. Every birthday I celebrate, I celebrate it as a beautiful blessing. When I hear our girls laughing and playing, I know how much I am blessed."
I said, "But Love, you have lost the use of your legs over and over. You have laid in hospital beds for so long. Where is that a blessing?"
"And each time I have, you have held me and sat with me. You have sung songs to me and read 4 books while I was busy being in a coma. Our daughters have walked with us through hell and back and still they are strong and love us totally. As for my legs... I once prayed for God to allow me to raise my children and to be a wife and friend to you. I didn't ask him to heal me totally. If I had, he would have. But he gave to me exactly what I asked of him. You need to see the blessings that are inside sometimes, Love. He answered my prayer just as I ask him to do. You may not always see it because you see me having trouble getting around, but trust me, he has been good to me."
That is what blessings are about. Knowing they are there even if we fail to see them. Hugsss and blessings to you all. Darrel

Friday, April 11, 2008

More things I know about being blessed...

As I sit here and read back on some of my blogs, a question entered my mind.Have I really said what blessings come from the life I lived and continue to live. Life has been hard at times but never bad. There is a huge difference. The gifts given me as I became my brothers eyes were and still are irreplaceable.I learned to really slow down and look at the beauty of God's hands. I was blessed with the gift to see colors and features and be able to transfer them to paper. Yes... my first two novels were hand written as this wonderful gift from Bill Gates wasn't really available when they were written. {smiles} I can look at a house or branch or tree and see a story waiting to be written. I can tell you what a color really looks like or cause you to feel the words I have written. Dan gave me the gift of understanding what a true blessing having sight was. I learned to appreciate everything I saw and pass it on to whomever would listen or needed to hear it.
The time I spent as a child, my father half scared to answer the door... he was never who might be at the door. What challenge the kid at the door was going to have. Deaf, blind, mentally challenged, crippled. They all came to my door because they knew that they were accepted exactly the way they were, by me and my family. The gifts they brought to me were compassion and the learning that Pity was not going to ever be a word in my vocabulary. They taught me endurance and to accept life as it came and do the best you could always. They showed me that you could be a winner no matter what life handed you. THAT IS still a huge blessing and has maybe kept me here on Earth a time or two.
The greatest gift came in the form of a love that was and still is beautiful. She was my Angel on earth before she became my Angel in heaven. She taught me that love had no boundaries and that unconditional love was exactly that. Every time I lifted her to move her, each time I layed her in bed and turned her until she was comfortable enough to sleep, she blessed me. She loved me long after I lost connection with the real world. She trusted me enough to never fear i would hurt her when I lifted her and loved me enough to forgive when I did. And yes, i dropped her a couple of times. Actually I know the exact amount of times but it is irrelevant here. When she woke from her comas after 60 days and 30 days, she looked around to see me and I was there. Her smile was a blessing and gave me reason to always and forever love her with my heart and soul. She taught me that quitting was Not ever an option and that has for certain kept me here on earth times I wanted NOT to be.
All of these blessings I have kept with me and utilized them to give back to others and bless those around me while being blessed back. My writing and my novels all reflect the gifts I have been given and I know they will carry me through every low that comes to me. I am thankful for every thing that has come to my life. Grateful that God trusted my heart enough to allow them to be a part of my life. I only pray that he forgives me for the hurt and tears I have also caused those that loved me so much. I pray each night that Sheila knows and always knew that when I hurt her heart, I never ever meant to do so. I simply lost my way...

Thursday, April 10, 2008

A great place to advertise your novels...

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Is there Life after A Death...

Strange that I would write a novel about a soul that wanders the world not yet rested. A lady that was filled with love and yet in one sad moment, she took her own life. All she wanted to do was love and be loved. But the novel doesn't simply rest on Christines ability to find peace. Achieving that goal involves new people, new loves but also... the ones left behind.
Life after death. Not what you think here at all. I am not going to debate one of the most ancient of old questions. That is for someone elses blog. I am talking about "life" in the "living" mode after a loved one {mainly a spouse}has gone to heaven. What happens to the one that is left behind? What is their life to be now? I think for some, they simply move on with their lives. Some take time to go away and reflect for a time before beginning they return to life normal, what-ever that may be. And then... there are those of us that sit in limbo, like Christine, wondering what their purpose now is in life.
This I believe is especially true for those that were care-givers. I remember when Sheila first could walk again after so long of needing me to help her. I was devistated. I suddenly wondered what my purpose was. For so long I was her stand up, lift up, lay down, lift her legs into her bed, tucked her in guy. Now... what was it I was supposed to do? It took time to go back to the "normal" everyday life. I had to redefine my purpose all over again. I adjusted just in time for her to go back into the hospital and come out in a wheelchair and needing again. We did this more times than I care to say but each time I had to start over. But at least I knew what was expected of me when we did need to readjust.
And then one day... she was gone forever here on earth. All I had done for 24 years, everything I knew about how we lived and how we sgheduled her illness around our life, was gone. I wasn't going to get up in the night to take her to the bathroom. I wasn't going to readjust her pillow or turn her just so and try to make her as comfortable as possible. I wasn't going to lift her into the van or kiss her good morning or kiss her goodnight anymore, except in my dreams. My world had changed in a most terrible way. The only thing that was still very familiar was the endless flow of tears.
BOOM!!!!! Jump ahead now to present day, two years and a month later with me. Still the sorrow, the unbeleviable pain and loss that still holds me in its grip. The tears still flow and the dreams are never ending. There is Love after the loss but at what cost. The fear that I may forget Sheila if I give my love to another. Yet the love is there and the want is there. The desire to give everything I am to another, does that nullify my place with her in heaven? DO I lose the right to hold her in heaven?
And my new love. What of her? Will she live with a man that has not let go of his past? Will she ask me if I love only her? The heart wants to love again but the mind is still afraid. Afraid that I might love again and then face again the horrible, soul torchering feeling of loss that I felt when Sheila went to heaven. I can proclaim my love but only in words. When I say I love you, am I lessening my love for My Sheila? How much of me is there to give? Will it be enough to cause my new love to stay or will the Ghost, the very essence of My Sheila cause her to one day say, "enough?"
I walk around in a daze often, unsure of what it is my purpose really is. I strive to find new purpose, a new reason to get out of bed each day. I got up each day because Sheila loved me and needed me. I knew every single day what it was I was going to do and whom it was going to be with.
Is there life after the death of a spouse you loved with all you were? Yes, I truly believe there is. Some times it takes a little time and patience and the right love to bring it out. But be encouraged, there is "life" after the death of a deeply loved partner. It just has to be found in it's season and in it's time. I will write more on this as I do have more thoughts.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Things I know about being alone in a crowd!

You sit there in a room filled with people. These are friends, family, people you have known forever, it seems. They talk and you talk and conversations go by one right after another...some even overlapping one another. And yet, you are not there with them, not really. Your mind is somewhere else, far away and departed from this crowd. You wonder if it is truly possible to feel This alone with so many people standing 3 feet away from you. Can you really feel this terribly removed and disconnected when all of these people love you? Are the tears you feel welling up behind your eyes going to burst forth uncontrolably, causing the need to explain what you have no idea how to explain?
The answer to these questions is Yes! I sit and listen to everyone around me. It is Christmas, Easter, maybe just a family gathering. But I am not there with them. Perhaps physically but for certain not mentally. Tears escape my eyes and I try to dry them as quickly as I can to avoid detection. Someone, in a voice that seems a million miles away says "Where are you tonight?" "I am right here" I answer and add a stupid, over-exagerated smile to my answer. Too much going on and they are drawn into another conversation. They are content with your answer for now. Too much going on all around not to be. "I" am thankful for the business around me.
All I want to do is hold her once more. All I want to hear is her voice in this crowd of loved ones saying "Hey good looking, I love you." Longing for the touch of her soft hand on my arm, as she always did to comfort me or say silently she loved being here with me. Closing my eyes for a moment, hoping for a private moment with her just one more time.
"Do you know how much I loved you... love you even today? Did I tell you enough? Do you forgive me for the person I couldn't always be for you? Is there a way I can wash away this guilt and sorrow that may one day swallow me up and cause me to disappear? Can you say something aloud to me, Please, because God forgive me, I can't remember what you sound like anymore My Love."
"HELLO!!!!!!! Did you hear me, Uncle D? Do you want more coffee?" Where on earth did they all come from? I thought it was just me and my tears sitting here. They are all so good to try and keep my mind focused. But I am not here, not really here at all. I am a million "I am so sorries" away. More tears, even as I write they flow down my cheek. A hundred back-spaces to correct my spelling and a laugh out-loud as I respell again. "My God... you an author!? Thank God for editing."
Can you be truly alone in a crowd? Oh yes, my friends, you can. More alone than you might possibly imagine. And alone gives way to thinking. Thinking gives way to memories and memories make an entry way to tears. Tears... {sighs} to................................ D.

Things I know about Giving and Sacrifice...

I woke this morning and on the radio was a man talking about losing his spouse. As I listened to him, I found myself questioning his choice of words. In one sentence, he used two words as if they had the same meaning. As I pondered his words, I felt compelled to write.
"I can suffer less because I know the sacrifices I made were for her. I freely gave all I had to give her and did not mind."
That statement truly bothered me. The two words did not have the same meaning to me. They were NOT allowed to be in the same sentence. I thought about My Sheila and the life we lived. Never in all of our time together did I ever feel I had sacrificed anything. The meaning of sacrifice being basically the surrendering of anything for the sake of something else or to a claim it more pressing or important. This man was saying how he had wanted to go on to Art school but he was willing to sacrifice his wants for his wife. So he was saying he gave up something he really wanted because of her. Well, I say did he "give" it or "sacrifice" it? There is a difference to me.
When Sheila was so sick for so long, there were things that we had to do differently to adapt her illness to our lives. Notice I did Not say to adapt our lives to her illness. That was something we never did. If there was something we could not do, it was not sacrificed! It was simply replaced by whatever we had seen as more urgent or important. To call it a sacrifice would to me demean what had been done. I would hear people say "Oh he sacrificed so much time to be at her side." "He loves to fish but he is at the hospital with her every minute he is off." I wasn't sacrificing one damn thing! I was giving to her love and caring in the same manner that she gave to me always.
Sacrifice means losing something that you wanted MORE than what you took or did it it's stead. Abraham "sacrificed" a ram instead of his son Isaac. Baseball players "sacrifice" a player to get another home for a score. The tears I cried every time she hurt, the love and understanding I "gave" to her when she was so ill, were exactly that. They were given freely of my choice and would have been given freely for another 1000 years if God had allowed her to stay. I sacrificed nothing and received in return blessings uncountable. She was a Gift that was "given" to me by heaven.
"I will try and pick up where I left off before she was sick. A sacrifice I was willing to give her. I doubt I can ever recover the years and that's ok." His words just caused me to shake my head and want to scream out "Wake up! Pick one or the other because you can not have both." Doesn't that very statement sound like regret? Doesn't it sound like he feels he gave up so much for her? What a hero.
I will one day leave this world as we all do. I will not ever look back and feel slighted or cheated or as if I have ever "sacrificed" anything in this life. I have been more blessed than any one man ever deserved. And I would so quickly give all I am for another forever to Sheila if she were not in heaven.
So Mark Glennel... think about how your wife feels if she is listening to you in heaven today. You just told her this morning that "You" "sacrificed" so much for her. I hope you at least Made her feel like it was willingly "given."

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Things i know about of the links between Depression by any name is a rough road to walk down. This is a very real illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts. It affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way you feel about yourself, and the way you think about things in your life. A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood. This is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that you can just ignore and hope that it goes away. You cannot merely "pull yourself together" and get better. Without treatment, the symptoms can last for weeks, months, or years.
The effects that it has on your thought process are often brought on by the lack of sleep that often comes with this state of mind. sometimes a doctor can prescribe for you certain medications that will help you deal with the symptoms of your depression. I include here side-effects of some meds as I have written before on long term effects of medications. It is important to know all you can about medications before taking them OR stopping them.
I share with you a story concerning the state of mind and healing. I want you to know there is a positive side to depression. As any of you that have read my blogs know, My Sheila was a very sick lady throughout our life together. We walked through some pretty hot fires together. her depression was very severe and dangerous to her health at times. One such time came to us while she had been hospitalized for almost 7 months without coming home. She mostly curled in a ball and layed still when I visited each day. Her parents lived 600 miles away and as is the case with many people, they could not nor wanted to accept that Sheila was so very ill. I suppose for some it is easier to close it out or pretend it doesn't exist. They visited very rarely and when they did, they had NO understanding of what Sheila was truly going through. I do not fault them as they dealt with it in their own way.
One day, while they were visiting, Sheila's mother turned to a nurse and said "Look at her.She needs her hair done and her nails made up." I was totally flabbergasted at her words. I was trying my damndest to keep this lady alive and to bring her home. I didn't see her state of outward condition. Honestly, I had two babies, 2 and newborn to care for and a full time job to work. There was really little time for me to notice these things. I was livid that someone would even bring this subject up and so afraid that Sheila would be hurt by the notice of how she looked.
I called our doctor and ranted and raved to him about this. I told him I didn't even want them in the room with her. I was in tears from the exhaustion of doing all I could... and it not being enough. When I finished "flipping out" on the poor man, he spoke to me calmly.
"Darrel, I know you are trying to see Sheila get well. i know you are wearing down and that this seems like such a tiny thing right now. Maybe it is but... maybe it isn't. You don't have time to worry about such things. You brush her hair each day and feel it is enough. But your mother-in-law is there. She has the time to see those things. She has the means to perhaps make Sheila feel better about herself. Please understand, there is healing in feeling good about yourself. What harm can come from Sheila having her hair done nicely or her nails done? It is one less thing to be on your mind and that is not a bad thing."
I went with what he had said and thought of my perhaps selfishness at not seeing this myself. A beautician was brought in that completely transformed Sheila back to the woman I knew her as. She was always very conscience of her appearance. Did it work? Oh Yes!!!! I watched over the next few days Sheila responding more to the things around her. She began to try a bit harder to be attentive when I was there visiting. In 3 weeks, I took her home for a weekend stay. We had a huge picnic at a park that my entire family shared in. Sheila's attitude was changing and I was loving it. In 5 weeks... I brought her home to be with us as a family again. She remained there until the next bout with her illness.
But what was learned and now a very real part of me was this. Your attitude and the way you feel about yourself has so much to do with your depression. Allowing yourself to stop wanting to look good, your self-esteem is one of the most powerful healing tools there are with in our reach. It has the potential and abilties to take our moods and swing them from down to an up-beat attitude. Not always an easy task for certain but one that can be obtained.
Sheila's mom showed me that it isn't always the inside of us that keeps us from healing. Sometimes, it is the outside that needs to feel good first. I will write more on depression in my next blog. Thank you for reading this and God Bless you. Darrel

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

A Bookstore For Everyone...

If you are looking for a great bookstore that has any book you are looking for...This is the one you want to go to. A store that will give you what you are looking for. The navigation of this site is so easy. They have books in every genre and finding the one you want is as easy as typing in the title or authors name. It is that simple.
For bookstores, this is where you want to be. While you are there, check out My favorites... Abduction and Until Death Do We Meet. I think you will enjoy them.

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