Sunday, December 19, 2010

Christmas... Jesus is the Reason

Christmas... the time of year that we celebrate the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ. A season of laughter and smiles and family and friends. The time of year that we set aside our "differences" and come together to share our love. It is by far my very favorite time of the year. The sound of songs and joy fills the air. The smell of Turkey and dressing and pumpkin pie rushes to your senses as soon as the door is opened. Decorations adorn the living room and every archway that is open. The Christmas Tree is lit and sparkles and blinks red and green and blue colored lights. Some-where, in that same room that is filled with a Christmas Tree, the sound of Christmas Carols playing on the CD, ringing out that we Will "be home for Christmas, if only in our dreams." And on the center of the mantel, with the fireplace crackling and popping below, a Nativity Scene sits, recapturing the night in an Inn Stable, when a mother gave birth to a King.
 I have painted for you the beauty that is Christmas. A warmth coming from the words that are known through-out the World. My heart embraces them and then... a sadness finds it's way into my heart. Sadness that the "joy" of Christmas is not felt by every heart that pumps life into our body. For in this world of such abundant love and joy and gifts and food, there are Still those that will not reap the beauty that is our Christmas. Homeless people, that will spend their Christmas searching for a warm blanket and a meal. Children that do not have a Christmas Tree lighting their way down the hallway in the Wee hours of the morning. No gift wrap will be strewn across their floor and no laughter will echo through their homes.
 The reality of this is that more than 1 million children will go hungry this Christmas season. Families that have lost their jobs due to an economy that is struggling simply to hold it's own. And if their are a million children that are hungry this season, that means their are 20 million + that are Not hungry. Why, I ask you? Why, in a world rich with food and resources, would one single child ever have to feel the coldness that can be this season? Are there not enough homes that will have more food at their table than any one family could possibly eat, to feed that child or family? Doesn't the ratio of not hungry to hungry set on a scale that is terribly out of balance? We have the means to assure that not one child goes hungry.
 We have the ability to make certain that these families can fill the warmth of the Christmas Season. So long ago, a baby was born in the city of David we know as Bethlehem. He came to the Earth to bring peace and good will to all men. We, as his brothers and sisters, can carry on that gift to those less fortunate. It is as simply as opening your door to a stranger in need. The blessings that come with giving of ourselves is absolutely the most beautiful gift we have to give. It doesn't cost a dime because you are only giving to them what you would have tossed at the end of the meal. The rewards how ever are Gihugic!  That means Huge and then some.
 This year, give the gift that keeps on giving. Share of yourself and the feeling inside will go on and on for you. Love is free and God's gift to us is eternal life. Make this year the year you start a new tradition or the continuation of an old one. Open your hearts and your door to someone in need. A family that is alone. A soldier that is away from his family at Christmas time. Light a candle with in someones heart and remember what this season is REALLY about. It is about a baby that became our Lord and Savior. It is about sharing and laughter and love.
{{Luke 2:8-14 “And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.}}}

   Merry Christmas to you all.....

Saturday, December 11, 2010

This is Me, Uncovered...

  I began a bit earlier responding to my nephews comments on the blog before this one. As I began to write, I realized two things. First, I am not known as the long-winded responder here on line for no reason. I am exactly that. My responses sometimes look more like "short stories" than simply replies to a comment. To some that is a good thing and to others... well. I stopped my reply to Joshua and decided to write it here instead. I found that I had more to say than perhaps should be in a comment section. Thank you Josh for writing and allowing me the chance to do what I love to do. That is, to write. Though I am responding to Joshua's comments, I believe that many can feel and understand the words here.
 Joshua, I too am glad you found your way here though I will say again, it is with an amount of uncertainties still, for now at least. I am extremely open in my writings here and endeavour to reach out and touch lives. Lives that sometimes believe they are very alone in the many things they experience on a daily basis.  Far too often, a soul becomes lost simply based on the feeling of being odd or a freak because of some of the issues they must deal with daily. Fears that are very real. They all have the ability to separate people from others in an attempt to conceal the issues they do not want the world, especially family, to know they suffer from. How sad that there are more families than you might even want to believe that refuse to believe or acknowledge that someone they love may indeed suffer from a disorder such as bipolar or Tourettes or that they may be Manic. A denial that normally comes from something so simple as not understanding. And as I am known to say often, that which is unknown or not understood is either feared or shunned by those not inflicted.
 Far too often, that soul becomes lost simply because the very ones they love refused to listen to the issues they must deal with daily. Not knowing always if there is somewhere, someone to turn to that will listen. They Know God is Always there as I truly do know. But sometimes the soul yearns for a more human touch of the heart to show them they are not so different, not experiencing things that many others in this world do, each and every day. There are so many different forms of depressions and mental disorders today but most, if not all of them have one thing in common. They leave the inflicted feeling very alone and sometimes even ashamed that they can not always fight these issues.
 I said earlier that I was glad that Joshua had found my site but not without some fear or uncertainties. In reading more and more of my blogs, Josh is going to read things about myself that he may not know. He will see sides of my depression and the effects that the Bipolar and Tourettes have on my daily life that I may have been alright with being less known. But he will also see the love and devotion I have to My father in heaven. the faith that I placed in him with My Sheila for 25 years. He will see the Blessings that God has given to me in learning to take the saddest, hardest times of my life and make them lessons to grow by.
 Joshua was responding to a blog concerning the feelings of selfishness when we take time for our selves. Feeling that in taking time for our own selves, we are taking away time that we could have been devoting to someone that truly needed our help. He made some really good points in saying that though it is easier to give of our selves to someone else than to our own selves, if we do not take time for us, then we may not be good for anyone else. The words do ring with truth but often applying those words to our own lives isn't as easy and does not seem as important. Feeling undeserved of the very love and inspiration we strive to have others believe they DO deserve is a way of life for those like me. A thought process that echos over and over that We are not here to make our selves feel good but to reach out to those that feel alone or lost or different.
 A song rings in my ear that I have loved for as long as I can remember hearing it. Bless the Beasts and The Children. {Karen Carpenter sang it beautifully} It says to bless the beasts and the children for they have no voice or choice. Give them warmth when darkness surrounds them and give them hope and love. That is my true desire and I would do without if it meant another would not. And so it brings us back to the beginning in pondering the thought that if we want to have time to ourselves, are we selfish? Did wanting someone I love very much to Not visit one day leave me marked as cruel and unfeeling? Was the suffering and tears I cried for that day worth the time I Took for myself? Or would it have been better to simply say No to myself and allow the visit?
 These are just some of the things I struggle with daily. This is but a tiny part of what my world is like up close and personal. The fear inside that someone close to me, dear to my heart, will now see things about me that may turn them away. Please readers, do not believe for a moment that a loved one would not do such a thing. If this were not so, then we would have a lot less sad, lonely people that one day simply say "Enough... I can't live in this sadness any longer" and give in to something that can not be undone. God's perfect love is that we turn away no one and yet, still, in this world there are those that are loved more and shunned less by strangers {perhaps Angels Unseen} than by their own family.
 Remember, smile at everyone you see. You have no idea what battle they may be fighting inside. Your smile may be just what they needed to say, "It is worth another day."          

Thursday, December 9, 2010

And so... I write.

Morning comes to us whether we wish it to or not. Waking, standing and starting my day at 5 a.m., many say, "any day I wake is a good day." I wonder. For many, starting the day is as simple as dressing and going to work. For some, it is the beginning of thoughts that plagued you in your sleep. The reminder that you have unfinished business from the yesterdays that have already past. Business that is really about trying to settle your thoughts. The attempt, no matter how feeble, to find a way to face the guilt that has been a part of your anxieties for days.
 For those of you that have grown children, I think you will understand. I am a father and proudly, I am a Grand-father for the first time. The love I feel for the newest addition to the family is bigger than I could have imagined. A gift from God that I cherish each and every day. Another blessing in a long line of heaven sent blessings that my life has been so beautifully graced by.
 But... there is so much more to this. I mentioned guilt. Guilt that over-powers me and takes me where I wish not to be. Bipolar? Mind issues? Perhaps... or maybe as normal as any other parent reading this. I love to see my daughter and thank God daily that she is so close to me. A few blocks and she is here at the house. But what of the days that I would rather just be alone? Not so much a fact of not wanting to see her. More, the need to have time to sit alone and do my writing or what-ever else I may choose to do. Wrong and selfish to want that? Ahhh, that is the question I do not know how to answer. The very core of my anxieties this day and sleeplessness last night.
 I thought of her and Baby Robert, alone all day as I sat here, quite able to go and bring her over to my home. But I did not. I sat here and the guilt stormed my senses and left me unable to do most anything. Should a parent truly Not want to see his child and grand-child? Is that wrong or is it normal? I carry that question through-out my day and tears  stream down my face. I know of millions that would give anything for the chance to see their loved ones every single day. And yet, I chose not to do that. For what, alone time? I am over-come with wondering. Where does a parent that opts not to see his kids and grand-kids fit in? Am I selfish in this act? Should I chastise myself and make sure I don't do it again?
 My love for my children is full and never ending. My need for time alone is strong and sometimes endless. My guilt is always. This is my life and the thoughts race past me to fast to stop one. And so... I write. The out that purges so much when we are able to place our thoughts in writing. The sasatisfaction that at least Once today, I have sat and stopped my world long enough to write. I do not want to bring my daughter here based on guilt. I want to See her because she is loved. Step into my world for a moment and see why I become so lost in thoughts. My little Bipolar brain crying for the loneliness she had to endure because "I" wanted to be alone. A guilt that will need to be settled in my own way. But that, is another write all in and of it's self.   

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