Thursday, March 20, 2008

things I know about "white Lies."

White Lies... we tell them weekly, if not daily. There are so many kinds of lies. Some are terrible and used to get us out of trouble. Others are used as a form of covering for a wrong or to avoid chastising.But the one on my mind this morning is the "white lies" as they are known. We tell the for various reasons. We tell our children all about Santa and the Easter Bunny. These are fun things that give our children dreams and excitement. We tell our friends how nice they look or that they don't look so heavy to spare hurting them. We can justify a white lie in almost any situation.
When does a white lie become something more? Is it when we have to add another "white lie" to cover for the first one? Is it when someone finds out we told the lie in the first place? I sit and wonder sometimes. Can't white lies be just another word for deceived? And if it is "justified", will it be considered just a little white lie when we pass on what we did to another friend?
I think about when My Sheila was so sick. Often the doctors would wait until i was in the hallway and they would talk to me there. They would smile and tell Sheila she was doing better and then tell me she was failing. A white lie to save scaring the patient, easily justified by not only the doctor, but by me. But sooner or later, she would need to be told where she really was in her healing. She would then ask how long I knew. Another lie to now save my own butt from being on the line? When would this one end and how many more "white lies" would need to be told?
I think there does come a place where we can become comfortable with telling the "little" white lies. Perhaps even too comfortable. "Do I look fat in this dress?" "Can you tell I am wearing cover-up make-up?" "Hey, what do you think of the pictures my daughter drew me?" The list can go on forever and anyone of those questions answered in any other way than a white lie will probably NOT have a good outcome for the person being asked.
Again I go back to Sheila... her last few hours here on earth. How do you tell the woman you love with all you are that she is not going to be with you come morning? How do you say the words "You are dying, my Love." Does heaven close it's eyes just long enough... does it cover it's ears to give you time to tell her she looks wonderful? I wonder.
I could not look into her eyes and say any of those words. I could not speak them and could barely breathe while thinking about what to say. I stood at her bedside and told her she was just getting sleepy from the meds. I told her she was going to sleep for a while. I wonder now, two years later if all the times I told her she was fine, all the "white lies" I told her so she wouldn't be scared, were in fact justifiable. Why, when just simply saying "You are doing so good" will give hope to someone that thinks there is none, would I say anything but that?
What I know about "little white lies" is this. Wrong or right, and I am sure they lean on the "wrong" side, they are used with all the very best of heart and meant to ease ones suffering or fears. I will take it up with My lord in heaven when the times comes. I think that all is known and that compassion will side with me.

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