Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Merry Christmas with Love... Bipolar and All.

Christmas... A season of joy and family togetherness. A time when people travel miles and miles, their vehicles filled to the brim with packages and food and children squealing and laughing. Thoughts of a huge turkey basting in Grandma's oven and all the trimmings waiting to be devoured by the on-slaught of person after person. Dressing, hot out of the Bird, mashed potatoes with turkey gravy covering them. Sweet potatoes, soaking in brown sugar and marsh mellows with cranberries in a bowl not far away. The relish tray adorned with olives and pickles and celery and carrots and a dip made of cottage cheese, mayo and ranch dressing begging to be eaten. And the Hot buns that will have butter melting inside of them, looking like the perfect place for a slice of the Honey Ham that will be sliced, fresh out of the oven. A house that is filled with all of the aromas that tell us it is Christmas Day. Conversations going every which way and family trying to be part of as many of them as they can at one time.
Listen closely and you can hear Grandma and Grandpa whispering to one another how wonderful it is to have all of their family together again. Each year a blessing just to be still present and well. A prayer being said by all of the children, young and older, telling God we are thankful that his son was born on this day that we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. How beautiful a picture that is. A Picture I painted directly from my own Christmas days Past and Present. How could anything so beautiful have a single thing about it that would cause a person to become depressed????
There is a measure of people... 3.5 million to be at least close, that the holidays are very hard for to get through. Life isn't always the same on the outside of ones mind as it is on the inside. depression has a way of finding things to be sad about. Taking all the wonders of the season, analyzing them, picking them apart and finding the things that DID NOT happen or that DID happen that had nothing to do at all with the season. Although many wish that for just one single day, their minds could forget all the past and the things that drag them down, somewhere in the quiet moments, when there is NOT 100 conversations going, thoughts will find their way out and take a person from very, very happy to very sad. Tears without reason will fall and feelings will over take the smiles that were theirs only moments ago. They will find a place to be alone because they don't want... or should I say Can not answer the question of why they are sad when someone asks them. It may be as short lived as a cigarette smoke or as long as the night lasts. It even comes in short spurts and a trip to the restroom can be the difference between happy and sad.
I write this today for the reason that I write most of my posts. I write it so that people know they are not alone in these feelings. I write so they don't feel as if they have ruined everything for the holidays or that Anything that goes wrong on Christmas Day was caused in some way by them. I write to let others know that they are loved and that they simply need to walk away now and then, find a place to be alone and gather their thoughts. Even if just for a moment or two, it will help. I write this today so that someone out there knows that if they have their "safe place" person with them on Christmas Day, it is alright to tell them you are feeling a bit Ummmm, "Abstract" I like to call it. "Disconnected" works wonderfully too. I write this today for people... people JUST LIKE ME. You can get through the Christmas Crazies and enjoy them. All the food and laughter and smiles is there for You too. Take the day a moment at a time and remember, those people love you, even when you don't think you deserve to be loved. God Bless you all and May the Christmas season be bright and beautiful for you. And remember, You are Not alone. Not ever. Someone bigger than you or I has his loving hand on us. Merry Christmas from our home to yours. Always, Darrel

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