Friday, January 30, 2009

Bipolar Awareness...

February is a month that many are trying to make National Bipolar Awareness Month. It is truly wonderful to see this possibly happening. There needs to be more information about this disorder that so many people are inflicted with. Bipolar is a disorder that cripples people in many ways. The medical sites tell the medical side of the disorder. They tell of some of the whys that the disorder exists. They talk about the Lows and highs but only in the most "professional" way.
What they do NOT talk about is how it truly effects each individual. I caught a Law and Order SVU 2 nights ago that really made me look deeper into the effects of Bipolar on a personal level. The girl was diagnosed as Bipolar based on some of her actions. Many of them went straight to my heart. It was very much like sitting there, watching myself on T.V.. A little bit scary and a whole lot emotional. She had fits of rage and calmness mixed together so close that someone looking on could barely see the switch unless you knew what you were watching for. The increased level of sexual needs melded with the uncaring acts of sex with many partners was a huge visual of myself. the desire to be away from everyone and Angry with the ones closest to her also made me wiggle a bit in my chair.
The problem with T.V. doing shows on bipolar people is that they take the issues and exaggerate them to the fullest. That isn't to say that what is happening does NOT happen. It is to say that not all bipolar react the same or even have the same reaction to certain situations. Each and everyone of us is unique in our actions and reactions. But, the public needs to know that we do NOT do the things we do voluntarily. We do not always have a "say" in what our minds dictate to us. We would love nothing more than to be able to function along side of people without our minds telling us something is or will go wrong. The feeling of trapped or crunched into a tiny room, even if the room is huge and mostly empty is not a feeling we can control nor can we just "Get over it!"
Compassion and understanding, patience and support are what we desire most in life. Not pity or even worse, and I shudder at the mention... Chastising. To have someone tell me I CAN do something or that I just need to move on or stop letting this thing grab me, is truly enough to send me to the darkest place you can imagine. Yelling or any real type of confrontation is the most frightening thing in the world to me. I will get physically ill just thinking about a confrontation that may occur. Not a wimp or woos, I can defend myself and those that I hold dear to my soul. In fact, probably I am more able to do that than those that are not Bipolar. Why? Simply because my emotions run so much faster and higher, more intense than someone that does not suffer from this illness. There is simply something inside of me that knows that in a confrontation, I will become more aggressive and so I try not to put myself in a situation that could cause that to happen.
Unfaithfulness that brings with it a guilt and at the same time a feeling that I have done nothing wrong. Mixed emotions that tell me it is ok to do these things and yet knowing inside that it is not acceptable by the world outside. Yet to me, it is merely reaching out with a love filled heart and helping someone.
A need and a want to have people see us for the beautiful people that we are. Empathic and loving are two wonderful qualities that are part of many bipolar lives. Loyalty and entrusting because those are two very Important qualities we MUST have with the ones we call our "safe place." take the time to look at us and see the inside of our souls. Look beyond the "clicks" and the roller-coaster ride of Highs and terrible Lows we will take you on. See how hard we really do try to fit in with your world. There is so much more to say but for now... It's all Good. Always, Darrel.

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