Thursday, March 5, 2009

Now you see it, Now... you dont??? Bipolar

A mind is a funny thing. It has the ability to not only work our minds but also hearts and lives. Sometimes, things happen that we don't even see coming. I look at myself and at others I know that suffer from the same afflictions I have and I realize that many things in my life or orchestrated by the disorder. I am of course talking about Bipolar and how it effects my every day. I think about the health issues that come with it that are seldom mentioned. Particularly, the anxiety attacks. To those that have loved ones or friends that are bipolar, I say this. Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. People so often say to me or to those closest to me "I don't see anything wrong with him. He acts normal around me." Those words may be partly true. But there are reasons why that may be.
Let's take a back injury for a moment as a similarity. People have back injuries sometimes that may not always flare or give signs when others are around. It certainly does NOT in any way mean that there is no suffering. Perhaps when you saw them they weren't hurting to badly. Maybe you didn't know what to look for. The back injury is so much like being bipolar. The reasons you don't see the disorder may be the fact that you don't always no what you are looking for. There are often times, especially when i am around friends or family that I muster up everything I have inside of me to make sure that no one sees my twitches or hears my outbursts. It makes people uncomfortable and therefore causes me to feel strange or embarrassed. But while i am striving to keep composed, the anxiety builds with in me and causes my heart to race {also unseen by the naked eye} and my breathing to be laboured. Few things in this life are more terrifying than an anxiety attack. they place a lot of stress on the body and fog the mind so that a decision is all but impossible to make. So the fact that someone doesn't see me in a huge panic unless hives break out or it is just becomes too much to hold in does not mean I am Alright.
One of the reasons that this disorder is so often not diagnosed or misdiagnosed is because many try to keep it hidden. The world still doesn't completely accept it and they know too little about it to really want to get to close to it. What loved ones, family, friends do not understand is that by not wanting to accept it or by saying "get over it" or "It's all in your head, let it go" they place us in the position to have anxiety attacks and to seek out somewhere to hide so that no one sees us. That stress alone ages our bodies and stresses or hearts and bodies. So sad that by simply loving us and trying, just trying to understand, that it can do so many things for us. It can relieve so much stress and give us a chance not to freak and not to have the panic attacks.
So please, I write this to say "Just because you can not see it does NOT mean it isn't there. Learn, take time to ask and find the signs, sometimes subtle, that may tell you that we are feeling boxed in or that we are feeling the need for air. That to me shows more love than anything else you could possibly ever do. I just felt the need to write this as it truly is an issue today, even in my own little world.
Hugsssss to you all... always Darrel.


Anonymous said...

What you have written here is so true and I understand completely what you're saying. I really don't think our families mean to hurt us yet they manage to do so anyway. Like you said we may look fine on the outside but on the inside it's so different. I also try to hide and put up a good front around people, I may be screaming on the inside but can't show it on the outside because I would be embarrassed.

Linda H

Darrel said...

You always write with a knowledge that adds to what I have written. I am always hankful to see you here and to kniow you are reading my words. I think you and I for certain understand and it is good to know that you do. Hugsssssssssss you for this my dear, dear friend. Always, Darrel

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