A Walk for Christmas Pt 4

The roads had become slippery the closer they got to Aspens. As the 4WD rounded a bend just twelve miles from Aspens, Mark saw something swinging near the edge of the road. He slowed down and turned the spotlight on the edge. There, illuminated by the lights was yellow police tape tied to a large rope.
"This has to be the place where Dad went over, Mom. You two stay inside for a minute while I have a look."
"Please, please be careful Mark. I don't want to have to go looking for you too. Your sister and I will wait here until you get back in."
Mark walked through the deep snow, stepping slowly so he didn't go to near to the edge. Looking over the ledge, Mark could see long scrapings on the side of the cliff where it looked as if something had slid all the way down the wall. He was certain now that this was where his father had gone over. As he looked into the deep ravine, he wondered how anyone could survive such a fall. He would keep those thoughts to himself. He walked back to the truck and got in.
"This is for sure where he went over. It doesn't look too bad but we will need to find a different way down. This way didn't seem to work to good for Dad."
They all looked at each other for a moment, then laughed. A laugh they needed right about then. "Where do you think we can get into the ravine, Mark?"
"I saw a road about 2 miles back. It looked as if it went down the mountain, Sis. I am sure I saw tire tracks. We can go back there and see where it takes us. At least we know we aren't far from where we need to be. "Mark maneuvered the truck around and drove back to the road he had seen. The tire tracks were barely visible but there had been a vehicle or two through there. "Probably the rangers or whatever that went looking for Dad. We will follow the road as far as we can."
"Mom... are you sure you want to go down there with us? We can go to Aspens first and get a motel room. You could wait there for us, if you would feel safer there."
Sarah smiled tenderly at Ellie. She touched her hand to Ellie's face. "No Ellie, I have never felt safer than I do with you and your brother. I want to be right with you where-ever we go here. Besides, all I would do is panic in a motel room until I heard from you again. Let's stay together and find your father."
Mark drove down the road until it leveled off. There was a cliff wall that didn't allow any vehicles past where they stopped. He got out of the truck and walked around a bit. He returned to the truck and explained what he had found.
"There is a trail that leads all the way around this cliff wall. I don't know how far you can walk in this snow Mom."
"I will be fine, Mark. Let's take a few blankets and matches. If we need too, we can stop and warm up for a while. I know your father is here. I can feel him in my soul."
Mark reached into the back of the truck. He pulled out a rifle and two lanterns.
"Mark, where did you get that rifle!? You know how much I hate those things."
"The way I see it Mom, we don't want to be out here in the dark very badly without something to protect us. It is one of Dad's hunting rifles. We may be glad we had it with us if a hungry bear comes along."
"Oh Mark, don't even say that! God, I have already imagined getting eaten by some creature out here. Jeeze!"
"We will be fine, Sis, I promise."
Carrying lanterns, the three made their way along the wall. Sounds of something running through the trees beside them made Mark glad he had brought the rifle along. It gave both the ladies a feeling of safety too though neither would say so. They had walked about a mile into the woods when marks lantern beam shined on something in the snow. He told the girls to stay where they were until he could check it out but they didn't listen to him. As they all got closer to what Mark had found, a gasp echoed as it slipped out of Ellie's mouth.
"Is that what I think it is, Mark? Is that freaking blood!?!"
Moving closer to the huge red spot in the snow, they could see part of a jacket laying in the snow. Mark reached down to pick it up. He could see there had something laying in the snow. A body from the shape in the snow. Mark handed the torn cloth to Sarah. She held it too her face, oblivious to the blood on it. She smelled the cloth and began to cry.
"It is your fathers scent. He was here before we got here."
"But all of the blood, Mom! What does it mean?!?"
"It means your father is alive, Ellie... that is what it means. That is all you need to think about. We are going to keep walking in the same direction as those footprints in front of us."
"It looks like there are two sets of prints here Mom."
"Someone may have found your father and taken him to safety. The are other tracks but I can not make them out. We are just going to keep walking."
As they walked in the direction the footprints led, Mark couldn't help hearing the sounds of running in the trees beside them. He also had looked closer at the tracks his mother could not make out. He had scene Wolf tracks before. He walked on in silence.
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The man had picked Jake up and carried him part of the way to where he took him. Jake wasn't sure what he was to think of his rescuer. He was not friendly and he handled Jake roughly. He had dragged the wolf carcass along with them. They had reached a small cabin that appeared out of no-where. Inside, Jake saw it had only a wood stove and planks that made up a bed. There were a couple of chairs sitting around a large tree stump. A make-shift table that seemed to fit perfectly with the rest of the cabin. The man put a pot with coffee grounds in it on the stove. He stoked the stove full of wood and then hung the lantern on a nail on the wall. His voice was low and intimidating.
"Ya say you don't know your own name? How can that be?"
"I must have hit my head or something when I fell."
"Yea, I was about to ask about that. Were you walking or something when you got attacked?"
"I don't remember. I have little minutes of remembrance so I know I was in a car that went over the edge. I don't remember much after that. I do remember a woman but she has no legs."
"That must be from the wreck but I didn't see no car. You sure you ain't a Ranger come looking for me!?"
Jake moved away from the man as he leaned into Jake's face. The man genuinely scared him. "I am not a Ranger and I have no clue who you are."
"How do you know you ain't if you can't remember your own name? The last Ranger what came looking for me has still not been found. I think I might have to give him some company. Don't know if i can keep you alive to tell the authorities where I am. We will have to see after we have a cup of coffee. You might as well enjoy that cup. That might be it for you.

A Walk for Christmas

The drive to Aspens was filled with excitement and silent prayers. Ten days before Christmas would be upon them. Sarah wondered if she was doing right by dragging her kids out on what could be a wild Goose chase. What happens if they get there and Jake's body has been found? What does she tell her children then? Would they blame her for his death? Would they ever be able to find it in themselves to look at her again, let alone love her? She had to push these thoughts back. Positive thoughts were all she could afford to have right now.
"Mom, do we know where we are going? How do we even know where Dad's car went off?
"I talked to the police before we left, Mark. They told me they were keeping the area roped off until they could get back to it. We should see the roped area before we get into town."
"Are you sure you can do this mom?"
"This is about your Father, Ellie. I Will do it and we Will find him! And then, we will go back home and we will begin living again. I spoke with Dr.Greely too. He was not happy to hear what I was planning. He wanted to see me first. I asked him if my legs were capable of walking without issue and he said they always were."
Sarah omitted the part where he told her that for a time, her legs could simply collapse until the muscles rebuilt. It was something she neither cared to believe nor felt the kids needed to hear. If it happened, then it happened.
"Mom..." Sarah felt a hand on her shoulder. "I am so sorry for the way I have..."
Sarah shushed her daughter in the tenderest tone she had. "There are no sorries in this, Ellie. I have been a fool for too long. IF you can see past that for me, then all is as it should be."
"I love you Mom! I have always loved you. We will find Daddy and bring him home." Sarah felt Ellie sobbing against her shoulder. She wanted nothing more than to hold her daughter and let her feel all her love.
"Alright you two. You need to stop this or I will be crying next. I need clear eyes to see in this stuff."
Sarah looked up and saw the snow covering the road in front of them. The headlights made it clear that they were driving straight into a storm. She closed her eyes and prayed. She prayed for their safe travel and she prayed for the man that had held her heart for as long as she could remember.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jake had made his way past the icy edges of the rock wall. He could feel the burning in his arm. He was glad he had worn a heavy coat, where ever it was he had been going. Short moments of images flashed through his mind. None long enough to put a name to. She was beautiful, he knew that. He was confused at why he never saw her legs. The image always appeared to be sitting in a chair. The sounds of the trees creaking in the wind bothered him. He was far enough down to not feel it, but he could still hear it's fierceness. Suddenly there was a sound behind him. Branches snapped and snow was being drudged through. The sound came closer with each snap of the branches. Jake searched the ground for a weapon. A branch or pointed stick, anything to protect himself against whatever it was that followed him. He found some rocks sticking out from the snow. Quickly he kicked at them until two broke loose. He reached down and scooped them into his hands.
"Come on, whatever you are, I am not going to be an easy meal. You will be too tired to eat me when you are finished with me!" The small Jack-pine in front of him bent to the sides. He heard the low growls before he saw their eyes. There was no doubt in his mind what they were. One of the wolves had moved to the backside of him. The other now stood in front of him. The pink of it's gums was showing, just above the set of razor sharp teeth that glistened in the moonlight. Growling and shaking it's head from side to side, it made a half circle around Jake. The wolf behind him held it's position as if only trying to make sure Jake did not move. The wolf in front suddenly crouched just as Jake tossed one of the rocks at it's head. Hitting it directly in the head, the wolf cried out once and shook it's head. And then, it leaped directly at Jake, fangs bared and eyes raging with anger and hunger. Jake threw the other rock. He heard a loud Crack! The sound shook the snow beneath his feet. Tree branches, filled with snow shuddered and dropped the snow from their clutches. Surely he had not hit the wolf that hard. He had closed his eyes just as the wolf had lept at him. He felt the weight of the creature on him as he fell to the ground. He waited for the second wolf to join in, but no second attack came. The first wolf laid on Jake's body, it's weight pinning him to the ground. Jake could feel something warm running onto his stomach where his jacket had torn open. He touched it with his fingers. Warm and sticky. The blood ran over his body. He knew somehow that the blood was not his own. But how? Jake slowly opened his eyes. He stared into the blank, opened eyes of the wolf. He heard another sound above him. Jake turned towards the shuffling of snow, expecting to see the face of the second wolf. Instead, he was looking up at a man. A man that looked as if he had not seen civilization in a very long time. The man was holding a rifle in one hand. He kicked the body of the wolf off of Jake.
"Looks like you got yourself into a mess. Much as I don't like them wolves eating folks, I don't really like folks either."

A Walk for Christmas

Sarah stood beside the bed she and Jake had share for better than half of her life. She ran her hand over the pillow he layed his head on every night. Tears soaked her cheeks as she heard herself telling Jake time and time again "I can't Jake. I don't want to cause more damage than is already done." She realized now that the true damage being done was to her marriage and to the love of her life. Fear that had gripped her after the accident had turned into something far worse, It had become a crutch to lean against every time she thought about going out or trying to resume the life they had once shared. Her doctors and therapist had warned her about this happening. She had found every reason she could to not restart her life again.
"What is it you were so damn scared of!? What was it that took you so far away from your family that you lost all connection with them... with Life!?" Sarah spoke these words aloud and the sound of her own voice startled her. "Damn lady, you even scared your own self." She shook her head and then continued to pack her clothes. She was still a little wobbly on her feet. Too many years of not walking had made her legs weak. It would take some time for everything to come back.
Sarah had been an over-achiever all of her life. She excelled at everything she did and yet she pushed the limits, never believing she had reached the top of her abilities. To do less than her best was unacceptable. To be better than the rest was a way of life. Having a father that was a college football star and a mother that had skated with names like Hamilton and Flemming left her with little choice. How terribly disappointing when their daughter chose to marry a "commoner." When they "excelled" in their business and became very wealthy, she made certain her parents always knew her "status" socially. Sarah realized, that moment, while touching Jake's pillow, that she had settled into the wheelchair because from there... She could not fail nor disappoint her parents. "Damn them!" she said aloud and continued to pack.
The front door opened and she heard Mark and Ellie come inside. "Mommmmm! Mom, where are you!?" Sarah was certain the site of the empty wheelchair had frightened them both. Mom, are you alright!?"
"I am in my bedroom, kids. Come in here please."
Ellie came in first. The look on her face was sheer fright. She ran to her mom's side as if she were going to reach out and pick her up. She stopped at the bed and stared at Sarah as Mark came into the room, stopping, staring also.
"Mom, what are you doing!? Why are you standing in here!? And what's with the suitcase!?" Ellie's sarcasm had returned in her voice.
"We got called to the principals office. They just said we were needed at home, Mom." Mark was also so good with her and never took a tone with his mother. Sarah turned and fell into him crying. He lowered her slowly to them bed. "What's going on mom?"
Sarah explained what she had been told by the police. The kids both were crying as they listened. "So, why the suitcase? Why are you packing like you are going somewhere?"
"WE are going to find your father. We are going to that ravine and we are bringing him back home with us.I will Not believe for a moment that your father is gone from us. Neither of you will do that either! I have made a lot of mistakes since that damned accident, but I am not going to lose your father because of them! You can go with me or I will go alone. Either way, I am going to bring your father home for Christmas!"
"Is that even a question mom?" Ellie hugged her mother so tight. Tighter than she had felt a hug in too long. She held Ellie against her and whispered to her. Her eyes flowing with tears she whispered "Please baby, forgive me for everything. I love you so much and I will never get back all I let slip away. But I will never let another moment, another concert or play get away from me. I promise you this. Just help me bring your daddy home. God, I need him so badly in our lives."
Tears soaked both their shoulders as Ellie cried out loud. Her sobbing brought Mark into the Hug. They would bring their father home together. They went to their rooms and packed for the trip. Sarah would go by the bank and draw out enough cash to get them to Aspens. Mark would drive the Jeep as Ellie had only just learned to drive.

Back in Aspen, the police had been contacted by rescuers concerning Jake. "We searched the area again. If he is down there, we don't know where. His body should be within a few hundred feet of the where the car was. It makes no sense to me at all. There are no drag marks so no animal found him, so far. We will look again tomorrow."
In the falling darkness, a man dragged himself along the rock wall of the cliff. He had no idea where he was and less of an idea, Who he was. The only thing he knew was that whatever was following him through the trees was not friendly. The low growls he heard from time to time and the snap of jaws told him that. He needed to get out of here before he became someones dinner.

A Walk for Christmas

Just fifteen more days until Christmas Day. The house was cold and lonely this time of year. Sarah wished that Jake was home now. He said he would make it back to her before Christmas. He had driven to Aspens to finalize some paperwork for their business. She and Jake had started a self-help organization shortly after they were married. It had grown into so much more than either of them had anticipated. All was going well and they had watched their children grow to adults. Their life was good but the long weeks without Jake home were sometimes hard on her.
Oh, she got around alright when he was gone but she felt much more comfortable when it was Jake that helped her. She was only thankful that the accident happened after the kids were old enough to care for themselves. She sat down for a moment, her legs already tired, and thought back to the day it all happened. She had just taken Ellie and Mark to school and was going home. The High School was only six blocks but Denver and January were not a good mix unless you were a polar bear or you skied. She was of course neither and so Sarah preferred the warmth of her house when winter came. Her van had just turned on to the main road when out of no-where came a Semi. She never saw him coming nor does she remember the exact point of impact. Her memory was only as good as the stories that people told her when she woke six weeks later.
The fire department used everything they had at their disposal to "peel" the van from around her. Only the drivers side of the van was not fully crushed by the Semi's frame. Had the kids been in the van, neither of them would be alive today. Sarah felt her body shudder at that thought. Beautiful, energetic, kind to a fault and loved dearly by her husband and kids, in one instant her entire life had changed. Jake had been a darling through it all. He had not left her side for the entire time she was in the coma. He read to her and talked to her as if she were sitting there next to him, wide awake. The kids saw her as often as school allowed and on weekends, they would take Jake out to a nice place to eat. Months and months of therapy brought her only to the point of being able to walk a few feet at a time.
The Doctors were insistent that she had more in her but she was the one that knew her body. They had no right to make her feel guilty when she had done all she could do. She also had the right to be afraid to go out very often. Doctor appointments and absolutely needed trips were enough for her. Jake could handle the business abroad and she could take care of the paperwork and bills. It was perfect and she was still giving to the business. As for the kids, well, they too could understand where she was coming from. Their games could be recorded and she would sit with them as if she were right there and watch it at home. That wasn't such a hard thing to do. Their attitudes would improve after a while, she was sure.
Sarah then remembered her last words with Jake as he was leaving two days ago. The kids had wanted her to attend a Christmas play and sing-a-long at the school. She had tried to explain to them that it was just too much.
"Mom, the school has their lift and Ellie and I can take the wheelchair along so you have somewhere to sit. We worked it out with the school so you didn't have to miss this one."
"Mark, I told you I wasn't up to it! I simply am not alright with any of it with your father going to be gone! IS that so hard for you to understand!?!"
"Come on Mark, let's just go to school and forget about it. I told you she wouldn't go anyways, even if Dad were here!"
"Ellie, you apologize to your mother, right now! That was unkind to say to her!"
"No Dad, you tell her sorry if you want! I am not sorry!"
Ellie had stomped to the front door, opened it and slammed the door shut, without another word said. Mark had simply shook his head, leaned down to kiss his mom and left. When they were both gone, Jake sat down beside her.
"Would it really be so bad if you went, Sarah? The kids don't ask much of you anymore. They went to a lot of trouble to set this up for you. They just love you and want you to share in their lives."
"What, now you too!? Damn Jake, I thought you were on my side! I don't' like going anywhere without you."
Jake's next words stung her deep. Never had he spoken this way to her. The gentleness of his tone she was so used to had been replaced with disappointment and sarcasm. "You never want to go anywhere, with or without me! When was the last time you and I did Anything!? I guess it's like the Doctors say. When you decide it's important enough to walk, you will walk as far as you want."
"Just go Jake and have a safe trip! There is no reason for us to even go there."
Jake kissed her. He kissed her not like he had for the past two years... He Kissed her, deep and full. He held her to him so she could not pull away. He moved his lips to her ear and whispered in to it.
"I love you with all that I am, Ms. Ellie, and I believe in you. I will be home before Christmas and we will pick up where that kiss left off."
"Jake you know it is hard for..." She touched her lips now. She could still feel the warmth of his lips on hers. She remembered how her whole insides had responded and she remembered how she had pushed him away that day. He had touched her lips with her fingers so she could not finish her sentence. He kissed her again and then... he was gone.
Sarah was startled from her thoughts by a knock at the door. She wheeled herself to the door and peeked out. It was two officers standing outside. She opened the door and asked them inside.
"May we sit down for a moment Mrs. Lange?" Sarah looked at the two gentlemen sitting in front of her. She wondered what the kids had done now.
"I assure you officers, whatever the kids have done, it will be taken care of when their father gets home."
Ma'am, this isn't about your children. I am afraid we have some bad news for you."
Sarah adjusted herself in the chair. Jake's face ran through her mind and she began to cry. she sat up and listened.
"We got word from Aspen that your husbands car has been found in a ravine outside of the city. The car was pulled from the ravine but no body was found. The fire department and rescue center do not think he could have survived the crash. They will try looking after weather clears."
The officers left and Sarah sat alone, staring at nothing. She placed her hand on her heart and then her lips. The tears raced down her cheek. She closed her eyes and felt for Jake's presence. Surely she would know if he were dead. She didn't feel that at all. Jake was alive and she was going to make sure somebody knew. She would Not lose the only man she ever loved. She slowly rose from the chair and stood...

A Christmas memory...

As I sit here on this early December morning and think about Christmas, I wonder how many truly understand the meaning of this glorious day. There are those of you that know that it is a birthday celebration of the birth of our Lord and Saviour. Some of you see Christmas as a time when we lay aside our differences and give freely of our hearts. And still, there are those who would believe that Christmas is the day that we get to sit anxiously by the tree, waiting for our name to be called out and our gifts to be handed to us. The spread of food and the sounds of laughter that echo through out our minds brings an instant smile to our faces.
Christmas... A time for sharing and loving and laughing and... Crying? Hmmmm? Why does that word seem out of place here? Listen to my story and perhaps then you will understand that Christmas is also a time for crying. Not perhaps the crying you might think of at first, but crying just the same.
In 1982, while stationed at Ellsworth A.F.B. in South Dakota, I met and married the love of my life, Sheila. As beautiful as a dream and as full of life as anyone could be, we spent day after day in the Black Hills fishing and walking and simply falling in love. We found that we were to be blessed with our first daughter in Feb. of 1983 She was our pride and joy and Samantha went with us everywhere. She sat in her little Pumpkin Seat at the lakes edge as her mother and I fished. I held a stringer of fish up close to her so that she could have her picture taken with daddy and his fish. Our first two Christmases were like any other of a million Christmas days. We laughed and ate and sang and ate and celebrated the day of our Saviours birth.
By July of 1984, life had already begun to shape what Christmas would come to mean to me on this day, twenty-four years later. Sheila had burned herself while frying some eggs. Not a terrible burn at all, in fact just the tip of her finger. By the weeks end, her entire hand had begun to turn dark. We sought doctor after doctor trying to find the problem. Sheila spent weeks and weeks in the hospital. Finally one diagnosis was stated. She had Renaud's Syndrome. Treated and sent home, her problems didn't seem to be diminishing. By November when she and Samantha flew back to Rapid City to spend the full week of Thanksgiving with her parents,{I joined them two days before the holiday} she found herself to weak to make it from store to store. When we returned home, she went back into the hospital. That trip would be the start of a life-long battle for her life. It was discovered that Sheila had Polymyositis, one of the 40 nuero-muscular diseases that form Muscular Dystrophy. The disease would break down her muscles until she could not walk at all. Christmas that year was to be spent waking Samantha to open her gifts from Santa Clause and then taking her with me to the hospital to open gifts with mommy. Sam didn't understand the difference in where we were opening mommy's gifts. She only knew that we were with mommy on that special day.
Wonderfully, miraculously, God sent doctors that were able to send the disease into remission and even give her the ability to walk again back for a time. We found that we were to be blessed again with our second daughter, Shannon. Sheila's disease came out of remission and she returned to the hospital, where she would remain from October until long after Shannon was born in February. That Christmas was spent the same as the year before. We opened Santa's gift without mommy and then Sam and I went to the hospital to spend the day with mommy. This time, Sam seemed to understand a little more that we were not at home with the family, eating and laughing and singing. We were in a hospital where there was no singing or laughing. There were just a lot of nurses and doctors coming in and out of her mommy's room. Christmas had taken on an entire new meaning to me now. I no longer cared what Santa left under the tree for me nor was I concerned with whether or not I had been naughty or nice. I had very little time to be either now.
Shannon was born in February, two months early. She weighed just 2 lbs. 9 ounces when she came out into this world. Doctors warned us she might not be alive but as she does even to this day, she went against the normal and came out kicking and screaming. {First Miracle} The sack that held her was covered in white. All the meds that Sheila was on should have gone into Shannon but they were stopped outside the sack. No white spots from the steroids, no signs of any meds harming her. {Another Miracle.}She remained in the hospital Neo-Natal Unit for six weeks.
I would get up each morning and feed and dress Sam. Then we would go up to the hospital where Sheila was and visit her. We would go to the Neo-Natal Unit and the nurses would teach me how to feed and change this tiny baby that was even to small for preemie diapers. I learned how to roll them twice so they didn't hang on Shannon. The nursing staff was wonderful and when Shannon was almost seven weeks old, I brought her home with me to live with my parents. Sheila remained in the hospital for another 4 months.
Our days now were full. I would get up and feed the girls at seven. We would dress and go to the hospital. Shannon was on an apnea monitor for almost one year until her lungs fully developed. We would spend the day with Sheila, eating our meals at the hospital or fast food and then I would take the girls to my sisters house and go to work at three. I would work until midnight and then swing by the hospital to see Sheila, who had by now spent almost a year in the hospital without coming home. I would get home, {My parents house} and feed Shannon. I would sleep from three a.m. to four a.m. and then wake to feed her again. I would sleep from 5 a.m. until 7 a.m. and then we would start our day again. We lived this life on and off for several years to follow. I was called to the hospital 15 times to hear doctors say that Sheila would not live through the night. God graced us time and time again and Sheila would recover and continue on living. She came home just before Thanksgiving only to return to the hospital the week before Christmas.
My father asked me what I was hoping to get for Christmas that year. I remember turning to him and saying through tears, "I just want my family to be a family again." Christmas had taken on a whole new meaning for me now. It was no longer just about laughing and singing and eating good food. It was not about giving or getting gifts from Santa. The year that Sheila came home to spend Christmas with Sam and Shannon and I, we started a tradition that we still do today. Before we ever touch a gift, before we sing a song or do anything, I read the verses of the bible that tell of the birth of baby Jesus. We talk for a moment of what a miracle he was and how God had blessed the earth with his son. We then reflect on what Christmas is to us. The blessing of life and of living and of never, ever giving up hope. Realizing that if you have your family with you at Christmas time, then you already have your Christmas gift.
Sam is 25 and Shannon is 23.Sheila spent many more weeks and months in so many different hospitals. She spent 60 days in a coma on life support, doctors giving her a 5 to 15 % chance of living. I smiled and shook my head at them. I said, "You have no idea who is lying in that bed in ICU. She won't die." She did not and after 60 days, Sheila woke and and a few weeks later came home again. She remained in wheelchair and spent so long in hospitals. Sheila went to heaven on March 8th of 2006 Christmas once again took on a whole new meaning for me when she went to be with God. Life changed totally, never to be the same for my family.
Life has gone on for me, even when I did not want it too. Sheila is still with me and celebrates Christmas with us every year. I still cry for her and wish each and every day that she were right here, physically standing beside me, whispering to me "Hey good looking, here's your coffee.Shall we wake the girls now?" It was only 5 a.m... We shared a great life filled with love and happiness, no matter what life tossed at us.Our love was beautiful as was Sheila. I shall celebrate all she gave to me every year at Christmas. Pure, unconditional love and the gift of her strength. Without it, I would not have survived. Her memory remains a Christmas gift each year.
If you asked me what I want for Christmas when it arrives this year, I will say to you, "I just want my family to be together again." Jesus came into this world to die for me and to see that we were forgiven of our sins. He caused the first Christmas and gave new life to this world of ours. I will honor him and thank him for that this Christmas, as I have each and every year since Sheila became ill. And then I will go somewhere quiet for a moment and I will cry. Not tears shed because of sadness or hurt. I will cry for the wonderful gift that God places under my tree every year. The gift of life and of sitting in my own home remembering the many years of blessings he gave to me. Thanking him for the new memories he has blessed my family with.
If this year, you look at the tree and there isn't as much under it, if you feel like there could be more... look around the house. Sneak into your children's bedroom and kiss them while they sleep. Cuddle your loved one a little tighter tonight and say a silent prayer. Thank God for the blessings of each and everyone of them. Thank him for the blessing of his Only begotten Son, who came to us on what we call Christmas Day, to die for our sins and give to us ever lasting life. This Christmas, celebrate the Gift Of Life and family! Love and enjoy your family and friends. The Only real, true gifts at Christmas are Jesus and our families being with us.
Merry Christmas Sheila... this ones for you.

Survey sites that DO Pay!!!! My Proof...

Yes,yes, I know, you have tried them before and they aren't worth the time. Well today, I want to try and show you that it IS worth the time. I have been doing surveys a very long time. I have seen the Good, the Bad and the Oh believe me when I say... The Uglies! I spent many hours doing surveys, weeks of opening and closing and waiting to reach that "cash out" point only to find that the site was a scam.
"Oops, we are sorry, you "sneezed" wrong and so we are cancelling your account." OUCH!!! Through trial and error and good friends, I found a few that pay out and pay out nicely. Today, in a semi-self serving and reaching out to help moment, I am going to share some proof of a few sites that have helped greatly in my quest to do my Christmas shopping. Now understand that if anyone reading this is a millionaire or even a "thousandaire" if that word exists, and simply doesn't need extra money, pleaseeeee, send it to me. ;)I can always use an extra 20.00 or 50.00.
Yessssss, I know... I could have just planted the proof and gone away but the truth is I love to write and take every opportunity to do so. So please, bare with me as i prove to you that this time next year, you could be blessing a lot of people with gifts that cost YOU nothing. That's a Christmas gift all in itself. As I post these sites, I ask only that you do one thing for me. Use the URL's that I add here to sign up under me. That way, we both get a gift from this. The Pics at the top of this blog show the proof. The Urls are down here. Please don't let this pass you by. What a blessing these sites were for me at this giving time of year.
http://www.treasuretrooper.com/385263
This next one, the only way to get recognition for you joining under me is to add your e-mail to my referral. I will simply show you the payouts minus the name. If you wish to join, contact me, please.

Opinion Points Redeemed # Request Date Sent Points Redeemed Cash Value
1 12/8/2008 In Process 500 $50.00
2 11/24/2008 12/1/2008 100 $10.00
3 10/10/2008 11/3/2008 300 $30.00
4 09/6/2008 10/15/2008 50 $5.00

SurveySpot... https://www.surveyspot.com/join/Join.faces?VendorID=33&OptInSource=usgen&locale=en_US

There ARE more but for now, just imagine that these are only one month of pay and only for these three. Even at this amount per month, you would be putting nearly 70.00 away per month times 12 equals 840.00 at Christmas time. Can you use some of that? I hope so. Please check these sites out and get ready to have a "out of pocket free" Christmas next year. From me to you, Merry Christmas. Darrel

Life can be this way too

Do you ever wonder what your real purpose here on earth is? Do you ever think about what you have done and what you have not done? Are there things that you sit and look at and say "Damn, I know I need to finish that." Sometimes life can be like a lake in the early winter. Let me tell you about our lake.
Driving past the Lake, I see the ice has taken over the lake. The trees surrounding it's shoreline are bare now. Some of the leaves lay on the ice as if they were Viking ships that had been caught unawares. They sit motionless as if they are waiting for Spring to come back and set them free. Large Canadian geese walk across the ice, some sliding as they try to find a place to bed down. The vehicle scares them and some begin to "Honk" loudly. They seem to be asking me to leave them alone. Unsure about whether I will or won't leave, a small group starts to race across the ice. Their huge blue/black wings flapping in the wind help to give them lift. They honk louder as they fly over top of the vehicle. I am grateful they are outside and I am...inside. There is a place in the center of the lake, far too deep to be frozen so early in the year. The geese keep this place open for them to have a place to wet their feathers. I look to the east and see two deer cautiously sniffing the ice that covers the shoreline. One places a hoove on the ice and it sounds like a high-powered rifle being fired. The ice popping so loudly causes both deer to back into the hidden sanctuary of the forest. I can see them looking out from the trees, waiting... wanting to go back to the lakes edge but still startled by the ice popping.
A crack now forms across the ice and seems to go on for ever. A red fox, unbothered by the sound, slips and slides his way across the ice. I watch him as he moves in the direction of the geese still swimming in the opening. Perhaps breakfast is on his mind. Maybe he just wants a closer look. He stops, well more slides to a stop.he sniffs the ice under his feet. the redness of his winter coat almost glistens in the suns light. His tail is full and looks like a long duster.His once black nose comes out of the snow pure white and he looks as if someone painted it on his face. I see one foot slip as if under the snow that now blankets the ice. He backs away, lifting a wet paw out of what must have been a thin place in the ice. He licks the paw and then makes his way back towards the shoreline, never looking back at where he had been. Life can be this way too.
As I sit and take in the sites that surround me I think about life. I think about the ice that has formed on the lake. A coating, a protection of sorts that will be there until Spring warms it again and opens the way for new life. Sometimes, our purpose in life is hard to see. We wonder what we contribute to those we love and those we pass daily in our lives. We often cover ourselves in a protective manner, shielding everything inside from the harshness of hurt. We are a bit like those deer I watched trying to get a drink of water. We approach life and love with caution, the need drawing us out of the protection of the forest. We step forward but suddenly something echoes out and scares us back to the confines of our "forest." The ice, the very covering over our hearts seems to be thick enough to withstand a burden of our soul. But from a distance, all of it looks safe. The only way we can know for sure is to place a "hoove" on the ice and wait to see if it cracks.
That fox took a chance and walked out on the ice. It all looked good until he found a thin spot. We too take on life sometimes and we go as far as we can. We will walk until we find a thin spot in the covering. And then... we go back to solid ground, waiting for loves warmth to come and open the waters up so that new life can come forth. Or, perhaps we just wait for winter to put a thicker covering of ice over our hearts so we can cross the lake and find new places to go. And just as the geese have done, we often leave a place open, right in the center of our heart, so we can still get out "feathers" wet if we choose to do so. A place to finish what we did not complete before winter began closing in on us.
Nature can be so beautiful with its colors and animals and scenery that dazzles the mind. It can also be scary and dangerous if we are not cautious before we step out onto the ice. But every year, the Spring does come and does thaw the ice away. And every year, new life and new beauty comes out and we can once again see where it is safe to walk. We can see what it is we are here for, even if it is just to Be. Life can be that way too.

Facing life head-on...

It is cold here today. Not just your basic cold, but the cold that comes with winter and wind. It cuts through the coat, the scarf and even the gloves don't hold it all out. You cover yourself with as much protection as you can but still it finds it's way inside your clothing somehow. Sometimes... life is that way.
I was talking to someone very dear to me a day or two ago. We were discussing the many ways we strive to prepare ourselves for things that may happen to us in our lives. Things that we may know could happen and so we look for ways to buffer the impact. We talk to ourselves some, we talk to God about it and we talk sometimes to those nearest to our hearts. There are times when we "zip" the coat up tight, believing that when we step out into the "cold", we will be protected and not feel the bite and sting of the harsh cold. The reality of life hits us and we find that somehow, we were not as prepared for the impact as we swore we would be.
I so often write in ways that compare life and nature and love and the world to one another. They do so parallel each other in so many ways. Songs that are our lives. Scenarios that are a mirror image of reality and fantasy. As the wind hits my upstairs window, it shakes it as if demanding entrance into my warm sanctuary. It whistles and sings a song as if to lure me out to join it. But I have been here before. I know that to open the window will let the winters breath into my home. I know that all the protection the walls and closed window offers will cease to exist should I open the window even a crack.
Back now to the discussion with the loved one. I explained and related to her the experiences of my own life. I know only to well that no amount of preparing, no matter how much you "bundle up", the cold reality will be strong and will do all it can to engulf you in it's grasp. So then, what do we do? The real question is that. Do we simply not protect ourselves and face the cold if it does come? Do we wrap ourselves in expectation and hope that we truly are prepared for anything that might come our way?
She is ill, as was my Sheila. Most that read my blogs know the story that is my life's experiences. I will not re-tell the story here. What I will say is this. I tried both ways to protect myself from what many believed was inevitable. I tried to cover myself and prepare for winters harshness. I was even certain at times that I had succeeded in being ready should the day come that My Sheila was called to heaven. We, as a couple, lived every day as if we both had a million more tomorrows and with the knowledge that there is NO promise given to any of us that tomorrow will come. Which one worked for us??? That answer lies in the final moments we shared together here on earth.
I was not prepared for the doctor to tell me he could not save her. I was not protected and covered when he said in just hours, my life would be forever changed. The moment of her going to heaven was as devastating as if I had never prepared myself. The tears and the sorrow and the loneliness that followed, the desire to have her back, to hold her once more and say all that I should have said was fierce and tore my soul apart. It's impact still, 3 years later, causing me to cry in the night or slip away somewhere alone and beg heaven to let me touch her once more. The learning that the pain and the immeasurable longing for her might never go away becomes that cold, gripping "winter" that leaves you praying for "Spring."
Is there something that consoles me? How do I make it through my days? I make it through because of the second option we had as one. We lived our lives to the fullest and never allowed the illness to dictate our lives. We walked through fires together and we came out still holding hands. We laughed at some of the things the illness brought and held one another when we cried. I console myself by remembering all the life we DID live, in spite of what Might happen. I smile at the thoughts that only she and I now share.
What advice to I give to this young lady that means so much to me? I told her to do Both. Prepare for winter in case it decides to show itself. Wrap yourself in the blankets of loved ones and tell yourself you ARE strong and you ARE prepared. Live life as you would had you never been told you might become ill. Live each day like it is one of a trillion still waiting to happen. Enjoy living and do the things you would do if you had forever but live them in a way that says if tomorrow doesn't come, I lived as if it would.
I say this to everyone who reads this. Whatever way you choose to face life and the things that may or may not come, do it as if they "didn't."

A Portrait for you...

So here I sit, once again staring out of my window. Today, I see the snow falling gently on the ground. It blankets everything in white. The snow is clean and has not been tainted by all the things that turn it from white and clean to grey and dirty. Before footprints have crushed it down. Before the plows have tossed the dirt from the road on top of it. The new snow falling like feathers on the already settled snowfall. The trees are draped with the snow and look like huge Eclairs covered in white frosting. Snow shovels are poised next to the front porches of the houses like soldiers, waiting to be called into action. Their handles are layered in snow and fill in as a hat to cover them. They will stand there until someone reaches for them and begins to move the snow from sidewalk to yard.
There is a soft breeze blowing the snow around. Tiny tornadoes of snow dance across the yard and disappear in a blink of an eye. Leaves left behind begin to chase one another across the snow. Some are picked up by the snow twisters and taken into another yard. Others simply rest against the house or find themselves nuzzled in the clutches of small bushes not yet covered by the snow. Still, the snow remains untainted and beautiful.
Why do I paint such a portrait for you today? Things that I see with my mind so often reflect my inward feelings. Painting a portrait this way gives way to the feelings of the holiday that are upon us now. The beauty that is Christmas, the joys and excitement are so like those tiny tornadoes. I swirls in the air and dances in our hearts and minds. It makes us laugh and smile and embraces our souls with everything good. You can almost hear the children screaming their laughter. The snow crunches under their snow-boots and they laugh harder when they slip and slide on the snow. It is as everyday should be, not just the Christmas holiday.
But too often, the snow is dirtied, the trees shaken and the snow that has made them beautiful, allowed to fall to the ground. Commercializing and the knowledge that you will hear "Happy holiday" as it replaces the now unallowed "Merry CHRISTmas" turns the snow to grey. It's beauty now messed by someones false fear that they may not be welcome should they say those "shameful" words. Sadness that all that we are and all that we have fought so hard to keep ours is now Taboo in this land. No longer are the leaves dancing and the "soldiers" that stand and wait are in a far away land. A land that will not cover their heads with snow. Men and women of this great land, fighting for us and our Freedom, wishing they could hear "Merry CHRISTmas" spoken to them face to face by their loved ones. A land of more freedom and more opportunity than any other land, and yet we dirty the purity of our snowfall. We move it and cover it in dirt.
A I watch the still falling snow, I say a silent prayer for those brave me and women that are far from home this Christmas. I embrace them and will build a snowman in their honor. I will smile as I pray for their safe return. An I WILL wish them a very Merry CHRISTmas and pray that he watches over them until they come home. Join me in cleaning the snow a little. Reach out with your heart and tell them "thank you" for all that they do. Build a snowman for them. Find a soldiers name and write to them. Let them know that we are keeping the snow clean for them here. take the time to watch the leaves dance over the snow and watch as the little tornadoes wisp across the yard. I guarantee you, it will put a smile on your face and warmth in your heart. Enjoy the portrait I painted for you. YOU are the canvas I painted on... Merry CHRISTMAS to you all... Always, Darrel

Things I know about that time of year...

Today I write a little of the season and some about me.As the Holidays roll in, the laughter, the smiles, family and good food, so all to often does another. Depression. It seeps in without one even seeing it. The causes are any variety of reasons from the lack of sunshine to the cold to the increased pressures of holiday gifts and gatherings. The results can be devastating and last from a short time to a very long time. People who suffer from this seasonal disorder do not always have depressive states aside from certain times of the year.
Statistically, medical science can give you 100 reasons for this depression. But If I learned anything from my close involvement with medicine and statistics, I learned that each and every single individual is exactly that... an individual. Each person my react differently to the seasonal changes that occur. The real issue perhaps is to ask if there is any way to prevent this or to end it sooner than it may have run.
I think one thing that is very important is not allowing yourself too much time alone. The alone time may seem to be what you need but truly, it only gives you more time to think. Thinking is not always a good thing if you are feeling depressed. The mind can play funny and not so funny tricks on our minds. It also allows us time to sit and ponder what we do or do not have. Try and stay focused and keep yourself occupied with loved one. Tell them where you are and ask them to try and help you in any way that they can.
Get outside! One of the easiest things to do this time of year is to seclude ourselves from the outside. It's too cold, it is too windy, the air is rough are just a few reasons we can use. Try and make yourself go outdoors even if it is just to run to the store. A sort time outdoors is much better than none at all. the sunshine is good for you and your depression and even if there is no sun, the fresh air is also good for you.
I think about myself and the state I am in right now. When you are already bipolar, it takes so little to bring you to this place. If you have a loved one that is bipolar, this can be a hard time to understand and deal with their Lows and highs and feelings of greatness and of worthlessness. Those are already issues that are daily and the holidays often bring them to a very rough and dangerous place.
I walk around right now, feelings of worthlessness and at the same time, thinking I can accomplish anything. Emotions flying around inside of me so intense that small things or things meant in a good way, take me down deeper and faster. Wanting to do so many things and yet unable to bring myself to do any one thing leaves me depressed and confused. Stopping and staring, unable to make a decision, knowing my day is slipping by and that I have accomplished nothing. That loved one you are noticing changes in as the holidays draw nearer might need some words of encouragement. They may need to hear they are good or they are wanted and needed, even if they do not believe it when you say it. It plants a seed of hope in them. Try and be understanding and if they need to walk away for a moment or two, reassure them you will not be far away.
I wonder today, as I have wondered for so many seasons, if I will get through them. I have good support team and so I know I will. Money, gifts, a 100 things race through my head. Not so different from any other person with or without bipolar. But for those of you that Do have loved ones that suffer from any type of depression, know the signs.
Symptoms of winter SAD include:
Fatigue
Increased need for sleep
Decreased levels of energy
Weight gain
Increase in appetite
Difficulty concentrating
Increased desire to be alone
Depression can hurt. Not just the person that suffers but those that love them. I hope this opens a new avenue for some and gives a little more insight to those that suffer. I hope everyone walks through the holidays hand in hand with a loved one...

The End!!!!

Mark's shot hit Kellie's uncle in the right shoulder. The impact spun him around and tossed him to the ground. He rolled over before Mark could get another round off. He scooped Tara's body off the ground and covered himself with like shield. Holding his gun to her head he began to shout.
"I will put the next bullet right in her head if you move! I only knocked her out but you can bet I won't this time! There won't be enough of her pretty little face for you to scoop into a spoon! Now back up and put the gun down!"
Mark looked at Tara and then back at the uncle. He knew if he put the gun down they were all dead. He looked or someway to get a shot at the man without hitting Tara. A movement caught his eye and he looked over to see Kellie, sneaking up behind her uncle. As she neared where he was sitting, the door to the warehouse came flying open. The second man from the warehouse ran outside waving a gun and screaming.
"You better drop that gun Mister, or I will kill you all myself!"
"There's another one out here somewhere Stan! It's my niece and I think she is hurt! Find her now and I will take care of this guy! Just find her and kill her. Daddy is dead by now anyways!"
Mark saw Kellie slip inside the warehouse. It was the last place that they would look for her. He knew now he had to hold his ground until he saw Callie and Liza free. Several minutes passed as the two men stared one another down. Th other man was now standing next to the Uncle.
"Did you find her, you idiot?"
"She must have got away because i don't see her anywhere."
"Got away? You idiot, where the hell is she going to go!?"
Mark saw his chance and he took it the shot. This one hitting the uncle directly in the head. As his body toppled over, the second man started shooting. The bullets were hitting inches away from Mark and he couldn't get a shot off. Suddenly... another loud noise resounded off the buildings. This was a high powered rifle of some sort. Mark shuddered at the thought of a third man he hadn't seen. This would be the end for him for certain. He realized that the shooting had stopped. He lifted his face from the sand and looked up. There, standing not fifty feet from where Tara and the uncles bodies laid, was Kellie. She was holding a rifle and had it poised on the second man. The man was just standing as if he were frozen. Another shot rang out and Mark watched the man's body crumple to the ground. He laid on the ground, eyes staring blankly at the ground. Slowly Mark stood up half expecting one of the men to stand up and shoot him. No one moved.
"My daddy was an excellent teacher," was all Kellie said. She laid the rifle down and walked towards Mark. He ran to Tara's body and lifted her into his arms. She stirred when he lifted her and he hugged her close to him. Sh tried to fight him as if she were unsure who held her. She opened her eyes and stared into the ace of her father. She hugged him around his neck.
"I knew you would come for us one day. I always knew you would Daddy." They all walked into the warehouse. Mark saw Callie and Liza standing near the cage door. They had the look of uncertainty when he first walked in. Then... they saw him.
"OH thank God it is you. My God I thought they killed whoever was out there. Get us out of here!"
Mark smiled and took the keys from a table near the cage. He unlocked the cage and Callie and Liza pushed through the door before he could open it completely. They hugged and hugged and cried and and just held to each other. Callie looked up and saw Kellie, quietly watching them.
"Who is this young lady, bleeding badly from her leg?"
"This" Mark said as he pulled her into the huddle, "is the young lady responsible for me being here. If not for her, you might never have been found. We thought you all died that night on the mountain. This is Kellie and I will tell you all about her later."
Mark watched in silence as Kellie dialed her cell phone. He waited as she spoke to someone on the other end. He saw her face change from sad an worn out to a huge smile."He is Alive! I am talking to my Daddy! It's all going to be good."
The sounds of sirens were getting closer. Within minutes the warehouse was surrounded by every cop and state trooper that was available. Statements were taken and all was taken care of.
One week later Kellie's dad was released from prison. Legal issues were settled and they began their new life. The following week was Thanksgiving. The meal was a gathering of family and friends. Mark had his Thanksgiving with his beloved family. Sitting at the table with them was Kellie and her father. Time would be needed for all to heal but now, they had time...

Part 5...

Kellie's Uncle winked at Mark an then pointed towards the cage at the end of the warehouse.He mouthed words to mark rather than spoke them out loud.
"They are mine now. You left them alone and I took them. If you want them, come and get them."
Mark could hear the laughter come through the steel. He felt a kick or punch on the steel and it vibrated against his ear. Fear gripped him as he tried desperately to figure a way to save his family. He had not come this far, not found the family he thought dead a year ago, just to go home without them. He would rather die than live that nightmare ever again.
"What happened in there!? What did you see through the window Mark!? Are they in..."
Mark cupped his hand over Kellie's mouth. "Shhhhh, they might hear us out here! Your Uncle and his pal are in there. I saw Kellie and the girls inside too. They are in a cage at the end of warehouse."
"A cage! What do you mean a cage?"
"A cage, Kellie, a bloody cage! Your Uncle saw me and now we have to figure out how we are going to get them out of there. We have to make sure they Ar safe before we do anything."
"No! I knew this was going to happen. That mad-man is going to have my father killed! Damn you, you promised me we would be careful! You never cared at all about my father!"
Mark grabbed her and pulled her closer to him. He looked her directly in her eyes with a look that told Kellie she should listen to him. "Your father is surrounded by guards right now! No one is getting near him! My wife and daughters however do Not have that luxury. We have to think for a minute and figure out how we can get past those two idiots in there. We need a distraction so that one of us can get inside an get them out of that cage."
"How are we going to do that? They will kill either one of us as soon as they see us."
"I don't think so. I think your Uncle is sick in the mind. I am depending on that fact to help us. He will want to make me suffer in some way. A mind like his derives pleasure from hurting other people. If he thinks he can cause me more pain than he already has, he will jump at the chance."
"Tell me what to do and I will do it. I want to help your family too. I want to prove to you my father didn't make this happen."
"We need to back away from the building so we can figure this all out. One mistake and we will all be dead, including your father."
They moved back to the car. Slowly Kellie backed the car up to another small building. She parked behind it where they could see the warehouse but not be seen. Mark reached into his pocket and to Kellie's surprise he pulled out a handgun. She stared at the gun and then up at Mark.
"Where did you get that? Why didn't you tell me you had that with you?"
"There was no reason to show it to you before now. What we need to do now is get their attention out here. Our best bet is to lure them outside so one of us can get inside. Once we free the girls, we can make a run for it. Any ideas on how to get the out of that building?"
Kellie didn't answer Mark. He turned to see why and anger filled his mind all over again. Kellie was at the back of the car, talking to someone on her phone. As he walked back to her, he caught the conversation.
"Listen to me! We are there and they know we are. They are going to kill us if we don't get help! Please Daddy, I need you to do this. It's the only way we will live!"
"What the hell do you think you are doing? Give that freaking phone!"
"No damn you! My father is the only one that can save us now. He has to convince the guards that we are here. They can send help for us if he can do it! Please Mark, trust me. It really is our only hope unless you think you can shoot them both before they shoot us.
Mark looked at her, his anger giving way to reason. What she said made perfect sense. Now all they had to do was convince the guards that her father was telling the truth. Mark nodded at her and reached for the phone.
"Let me talk to him, Kellie. I won't do anything to cause harm to anyone." Kellie handed him the phone and listened. "Listen, this is Callie's husband. We don't have lot of time. You need to give the phone to the guard. Tell him who I am quick and then let me talk."
"Don't you get my daughter killed! She is all I have left in this world."
Mark was taken by her fathers words. The panic in his voice and sincerity were not attributes Mark had ever allowed himself to apply to this man. He realized that this man was not a killer. He was a father, just like Mark. He also wanted only the same thing Mark wanted. He wanted his daughter alive.
"Listen to me and no one we love will die. You need to give the phone to the guard. I will talk to him."Mark heard the phone clanking on the steel bars of the cell. He could hear voices but the were faint. Then a new voice was talking.
"Look buddy, I don't know who you are but this is Bull! Some ploy to get this guy's visit to hell postponed I am sure. Well it isn't..."
"Please listen to me! If you don't, innocent people will die, including my family. I just need you to listen for a minute."
"Talk... you got three minutes," was all Mark needed to hear.
I am Mark Talsman. My wife and daughters were thought to have been murdered by that man you are watching. He told his daughter, who is with me that he thought my family might still be alive. HE was Right! I found them here in Laredo. They are alive but they are being held in a cage by the two men that took them from me. That man you are watching never killed anyone. Whether he lives or dies matters little to me right now. I am not trying to save him. I am trying to save my family and his daughters life."
"Why should I believe any of this? I don't know if you are just killing time here."
"What in God's name would I have to gain from that!? Tell me what!? Please call the Laredo police and get them to the East side of..."
Suddenly a shot rang out and echoed off of the steel walls.The bullet lodged just 25 feet from Mark's head. He dropped down to the ground quickly. "Do you hear that!? That is gunfire and someone is trying to kill me and his daughter. I am going to hold the phone up to the air and you can decide. But whatever you decide, do it fast!"
Mark held the phone in the air for the guard to listen. "Hey buddy... I nearly took your head off. I think I like this. I might play with you for a while. Or maybe I will just shoot your girlie's for your entertainment. Look pretty boy, I have the one I call Blondie out here with me." Mark peeked around the corner and saw Tara. He winced at seeing the man holding her by the neck. "See, isn't she pretty? She is sort of my favorite, you might say. Now I could shoot her real fast if you like, just for fun. What do you think?"
Mark heard the hammer click back on the gun. His heart was beating so fast and so hard that it hurt his chest. "No!!! No, don't shoot her. What do you want me to do?"
"I want you to come out here and show me you got nothing to shoot me with. I don't know how you found us but I think there will be a killing in a certain prison today!"
Mark heard Kellie cry out when she heard her Uncle. She was going to yell at him to not hurt her father. Mark grabbed her and again stifled her voice before she could speak.
"No, listen to me. They don't know you are here. He all but just said so. We finally have something good on our side. See if the guard is still on the phone." Mark tossed her the phone. Kellie out it to her ear and spoke.
"Are you there! Helloooo, is anybody on the phone???"
"I heard it all and have called the Laredo police. They should be there in like 10 minutes or so. Just stay whee you are and keep this line open for as long as you can."
"Mark, they are sending someone to help. Should be here in 10 or so minutes. We only have to hold them off until the police get here!"
Kellie's Uncle shot again, this one grazing Marks shoulder. He fell backwards from the impact of the bullet. Kellie rushed over to him and quickly put her hand over the wound.
"You are hurt Mark. We need to get you somewhere I can tie a tourniquet around your shoulder."
"Lets just concentrate on getting out of here alive, then we can worry about me."
"Hey my friend... watch this!"
Mark looked around the building. In horror, he watched the gun being pointed at Tara's head. Mark looked down for a split second. He heard his daughters voice again. The same sound that he had heard a thousand times in his sleep.
"Daddy, help me please! Please Daddy, don't let him shoot me. Pleaseeeeeesee!!!!"
And then the shot rang out. Mark watched as his little girl slumped forward and fell to the ground. Her body strewn down like she was nothing more than a rag doll. He dropped to his knees, his eyes flooding the ground with his tears. "Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!! God no, don't let this happen. Pleaseeeeee!" His sobs were very loud. Kellie cried with him as she looked out at the body laying in the middle of the road.
"One down and two to go, buddy! Unless of course you want to show yourself to me, Now!!!!!"
Mark, barely able to move, walked out from behind the building. He motioned for Kellie to stay where she was. "We still have to kill this Monster, Kellie. Wait for my signal and then run out to distract him. When he looks at you, I will shoot him. Do not hesitate when I tell you to run!"
Mark walked out in clear sight of Kellie's Uncle. He held his hands high above his head, the gun concealed in his back pocket. He was half way to where Tara's body laid when he yelled. "Now Kellie, Now! Run for your life!"
Kellie's Uncle, shocked to see her run out from behind the building, raised his gun and fired. The bullet flew directly at Kellie and ripped through her knee. She screamed out and kept running as fast as she could. Mark took aim and fired at her Uncle...

Part 4...

"I understand that this creature is your father. I know the reason why you want to save him. But you have to understand that he, whether directly or indirectly killed my wife and daughters. He took away from me everything in this world that was precious and good to me. He took away... My whole world."
"Mark, if you will just listen to me for a moment. I need to tell you what my father told me."
Mark stared at her through squinted eyes. He wanted to listen and hear what she had to say. He needed to know if she had anything more to tell of that horrible event. He also feared what she might open up for him. He had all the bad memories he needed for now. He would listen until it became to much for him.
"O.k., talk. But I will cut you off if it sounds like you are trying to make your father out to be a hero."
"Fair enough. I saw my father a week ago. He was distraught, more so than normal, given where he is. He told me there was something he had to tell me. A secret that he had kept for fear of his life. He did not tell anyone because he didn't know if they would believe him. The two other men in the vehicle that were at your car had visited him at the prison. They told him that before he could ever get out, they would have him killed if he talked. One of them is my Uncle on my dads side."
"Jeeze, is your whole family killers!?"
Kellie sighed aloud. "Please let me finish this. My father told me that he was left for dead because he refused to go along with all that happened that day. He heard them say on the mountain that it was lucky he was dead or they would have had to kill him. He knew then that he wouldn't dare say anything to anyone. He told me that my Uncle and his friend had not toppled the vehicle with your wife and daughters over the cliff. He said thy took them out of the vehicle and then pushed it over."
Mark grabbed her by her arms. He pulled her close and stared into her eyes. His body shook as he began to speak. "Are you telling me that they are still alive!? Is that what you are saying to me!?" Mark could feel his whole body quivering and his heart racing very fast.
He told me that he saw them load them into their vehicle and drive away. He was so afraid for his life and never figured he would be convicted and especially not be given the death penalty. He thought that maybe he could get out and find them. He wanted to tell people but after they visited him another prisoner approached him. He cut my father and told him that he would die if he tried to tell anyone the truth."
"Why then is he telling you this now? What made him decide to become human!? Damn you and your father! A year has passed without my family! Ive mourned them and cried more than you could ever even imagine. I have lost everything and almost took my own life several times! What gave him the right to Not tell someone!!!!???"
"I know it is terrible but I am telling you now. I need your help if we are to get them out alive. My father told me that he knew where they would take them too. He said they had place here, in Laredo, that the came too to hide pelts of animals they had poached until they could find a seller. He figured it was the only place they could have taken them if they didn't kill them."
"So you don't really know if they are alive or not. You are just assuming they did not kill my family when they felt it was safe. Why didn't you go to the police with what you know? They could have gone and checked it out themselves."
"And have my father end up dead!? You don't get it, do you? I am trying to save my fathers life and help your family at the same time! Why is that so hard for you to understand!?"
"Where is this place that they might or might not be? We need to get there and check it out."
"Mark, we have to do this in a way that no one knows until it is over. Somehow we have to get my father safe also. If we can't do that the we wait until we can. I will not risk my fathers life for a maybe. Will you help me?"
"I have a friend that works in the prison system. He has a lot of authority. Maybe he can help us."
"No maybes Mark! It is either quiet or not done. My Uncle is a horrible man and he means what he says. He will have my father killed and if your family IS a live, he will kill them too. There has to be a way to do this."
"Can you get to your father?"
"What do you mean?"
"Can you call him and talk to him?"
"Yes. He is on death row and only a few more days and so he can have phone calls from family most anytime. Why do you ask me that?"
"Call him Kellie. Tell him to raise hell so that there is a guard near him at all times. Fake a suicide attempt or whatever it takes. Once he has a guard there full time, we can get my family out."
Kellie placed the call. She told her father what she was doing. He was glad sh had taken the initiative to do that. She heard him making a racket in the cell. He had left the phone open for her to listen. The last thing she heard was a guard telling him he was now His business and he would no longer have private time. The phone slammed down hard in her ear. She began to cry.
"It's done. Lets go find your family." She started the car and drove to the far East side of town.
"You seem to know exactly where you are going."
"I remember coming to the place my father is talking about. We went there in the fall but I never really knew why. I guess I do now."
They sat in silence until Kellie turned off onto a gravel road.It was in the middle of the Industrial area of Laredo. Old Trains and warehouses sat empty and Idle. The air smelled of old oil and and rotting lumber. The trains were rusted and looked as if they had not been moved in a very long time. Kellie drove past it all until she saw the warehouse. It was not very big and the dock ramp was covered in orange. Rust from not being used had nearly eaten through the steel. She parked the car behind the warehouse. She and Mark got out of the car, careful not to slam the doors.
"Remember Mark, even if they are here, we do nothing until we know the coast is clear."
"I understand, Kellie. Trust me, I don't want any mishaps either."
They walked around the backside of the building until they found a window. Mark slowly raised his head to look inside. He saw boxes stacked to the ceiling, boxes marked only fragile on the sides. He could see a truck parked inside, near the door. There was a wood stove in the middle of the warehouse. It wasn't rusted in any way. Mark thought that was a good thing. I might have meant that someone was using it. He ducked down as he heard a voice. He pressed himself against the cold steel so he could listen. What he heard both froze his heart and made it beat faster. It pounded at his chest so hard he was afraid it could be heard. He held Kellie down so she wouldn't look in the window.
"It really is time, Frank. Roger will be dead in a few days and we won't need to keep these ladies around. Let's get rid of them and be done with this whole matter. Why we kept them for so long is beyond me anyways."
"They were leverage you idiot! If that dumb-ass talked, they would be our only way out of here! With Roger dead, we can dispose of them and forget it ever happened. Lets finish wrapping these pelts. We can put their bodies under the pelts until we find a place to dump them."
Mark felt his heart jump in his chest. They were here! His family was alive and he had to find a way to save them. He waited until he could hear the men moving things around. He looked in through the window again. At the far end of the warehouse he saw it. A cage, about the size of a refrigerator box. Inside the cage he saw them. His eyes welled up with tears so that he could not see clearly but he had seen them. As he stared into the window he was suddenly over taken by fear and dread. His eyes cleared and he was staring into the face of the man Kellie called "Uncle." The man just smiled and took out his gun.

Part three...

Kellie drove on, allowing Mark to settle in to the warmth and safety of the car. She watched him as he stared out the window into the still falling rain. "A penny for your thoughts?"
"I don't know that the are worth a penny. You might be better to toss them in a wishing well. The return might be more gainful."
"I'll take my chances with the investment." She smiled warmly at him and then looked back at the highway. "I know you have questions as to how I know you and where you want to...Need to go. They are not easy questions to answer and you will need an open mind to understand and believe them. That will be entirely up to you, Mark."
He turned his body to face hers. She looked so familiar and yet he was certain he did not know this young woman. "I am listening, Kellie. Tell me what I want to know, please."
"One year ago, almost to the day, you and your family set out on a vacation. You were going skiing as I am sure you recall. Your dreams and talking in your sleep have told me that much. Half way up the mountain, your vehicle got stuck in a hole."
"I know all of this! Tell me something I do NOT know!"
"Patience Mark. It will all come together when I am finished. You left them in the vehicle to get help at the bottom of the mountain. While you were going down the slope, you saw another vehicle going towards your family. The vehicle contained three hunters on their way to the same resort you were going to. Shortly after you saw them reach your family, you saw the Explorer you were driving go over the side of the mountain."
Mark buried his face in his hands. He began to cry as the memories flooded his mind. The screams were slipping back into his ears and he wanted to ask her to stop. He wanted to beg her not to go back there again... wanted to but knew somehow that he couldn't stop it. Kellie waited for him to look back at her before she continued.
"The men were not good men, Mark. You later learned that they had not stopped to rescue your wife and daughters. They were going to hurt them in bad ways. Your family fought, as you could hear from where you had stopped on the mountain. In the fight, one of the men was hurt badly."
"He said he had tried to pull Callie from the Explorer and she had clawed his face and kicked him in the head." He began to cry again. "HE said she fought like a wild animal. She hurt him so badly that he was only semi-awake through the rest of the ordeal! I never believed him, you know! He was lieing to us all and the stupid lawyers believed his story!"
"Well they had only his words to go on, Mark. Right or wrong, it was how the legal paper-work fell out. He said that he saw the other two men grab your daughters and pull them from the truck. You heard them calling out to you Mark. It is a sound that has haunted you for a year."
"He said that they did things and then tossed them back into the Ford. I couldn't help them Kellie!" His voice became louder as he spoke. "Do you understand that I could hear all that was happening!? I knew what those men were doing and I was helpless! No, not helpless! I was useless to do anything to stop them or help my daughters or my beautiful wife!" His sobbing filled the car and Kellie found her self crying now. How she wished she could end his pain sooner but she dared not go to fast. She needed something from Mark as much as he did from her. To let her emotions take over now would take away all of the reasons she was here, in the car with this man.
"Mark, I need to finish this before we reach Laredo. The man told the courts that they could hear your screams coming up the mountain side. Your voice echoed as if you were nearly standing next to them. The men began to panic. They winched the Explorer so that it was almost of the side of the mountain road. They unhooked the winch and then pushed the vehicle the rest of the way over the side. Your wife and daughters went to the bottom of the canyon, never to be seen again. He said they screamed all the way down so he knew they were alive when the other two men pushed them over. He passed out and the two other men must have thought him dead. They must have figured he would be blamed for it all and so they left him, laying in the snow. When he woke next, the police and rescue units were at the site where the vehicle went over."
"They could not recover the Ford, Kellie. I was at the bottom of a canyon, to far down and too narrow for anything or anyone to reach. Their bodies are laying at the bottom of that God forsaken canyon, laying there without a final or proper place to rest! My God, they trusted me and I failed them. I left them to the mercy of those men. Men that have never been found, out there, living their lives out, doing something I will Never, ever be able to do again!"
"Mark, focus here please. You came with the rescue unit. You jumped out ahead of the others and you grabbed the man laying in the snow. You had beaten him nearly to death by the time they pulled you off of him. The man was in the intensive unit for 3 weeks, most of his real injuries given to him by you."
"You almost talk like you feel sorry for the man! I should have been allowed to kill him! A lot of the officers told me they wished they had let me kill him! God, how I wanted to do just that!"
Laredo was now in sight. The time was now if she were going to tell Mark why she was here with him. She shuddered inside at the thought of telling him. She feared how he might react and now wished she had never gone searching for him. It was too late for those thoughts now. They were in Laredo and now and she prayed silently that he would understand. She needed him to or all would be lost for her. She pulled the car off the side of the road, just outside the city limits. Mark sat staring at her.
"You received a letter a week ago Mark. It had no return address on it and no indication who had sent it."
"All it said was that the answers I seek are here, in a warehouse on the East side of the city. That is why I..." Mark suddenly turned around to face Kellie. He stared hard at her and felt anger begin to build up inside of him. Recognition set in and he reached out and grabbed her by the throat. "You know all of this because you wrote the note! You know so much about me and that guy left in the snow because he is your father! I recognize you now from the court room. You defended him and tried to convince the court he was knocked out and didn't actually play any guilty part!"
"Please Mark, I can not breathe! You are choking me!"
Mark suddenly realized what he was doing and let go of her throat. He pushed himself away from her. His mind was going a million miles an hour. "Why!? What the hell are you doing here? And what does the daughter of one of the men that killed my family, right before Thanksgiving want with me!?"
"My father told me something recently that no one else knows. Something that might be of interest to you. He is to die in the electric chair in four days."
"Good! Sorry I won't be there to see it happen!"
"I understand why you hate him but he is My Father! What I know I hope will keep him alive but I need your help. Please stay with me until we finish this.I beg of you, please."
Mark stared into her eyes, She was crying and the fear in her eyes was matched only with the look of pleading. He would wait and see what she had to show him.

part two

The rain had subsided some as he walked along the highway. His thoughts were set now on reaching Laredo and the woman that he hoped would make this all better. He tried not to think about one year ago,almost to the day. His mind seemed to go where it wanted to these day. A car approached from the East and slowed to a stop in front of him. Mark watched as it backed up until he was standing beside the passenger door. Slowly, the window came down and he was looking into the face of a young woman.
"You look like you could use a ride. If you want, climb in."
"Thank you very much, young lady. I might get your seat drenched though."
"Nothing it hasn't been before. Please, get in before you freeze to death."
He made no attempt to debate with her any further. The car was warm and he didn't know how much further he could have walked in the storm.
"You really shouldn't be picking up strangers in the middle of the night, you know. I appreciate that you did but..."
"Who says we are strangers?"
Mark looked at her as the lights from an on-coming car shined on her face. His heart skipped a beat and he blinked his eyes to try and focus. She smiled at him and then looked out the windshield. He sat staring at her until she spoke.
"Mark, you are staring at me. Is something wrong?"
"How do you know my name?"
"You told me when you first got in the car. I am sure the cold and rain hasn't been kind to you. It is alright. We should be in Laredo by morning. Why don't you try and rest some."
"Laredo? Why did you say Laredo?"
"That is where you are going isn't it? You said it was but if there is somewhere else you need to go..."
"No, no, Laredo is where I am going. I guess I just don't remember telling you that either. I must be more tired than I thought. I don't even know your name."
"Kellie. Why don't you rest and I will wake you when we are nearing Laredo."
Mark knew that he needed to sleep but he also knew what came with the curse of sleeping. he tried hard to fight it but the lull of the cars engine and the warmth coming through the vents were to alluring. He didn't know when he drifted off but he knew he had, just by the memories that flooded his sub-conscious.
"Let's go, ladies. Everything is packed but you girls. We should be to the resort by noon." He remembered the drive. The weatherman had promised fresh snow and it looked as if mother-nature was going to oblige. The snow increased as they drove up the mountain. It wasn't long before Mark found himself driving in a foot of fresh snow. He could feel the tires slipping under the wet snow. His mind raced ahead to just as the Explorer slid off the road. There had been loose gravel under the snow and the back end of the big Ford was pulled into the cravess made by the sliding gravel.
An hour of digging and winching had left them "Stuck! That is what we are ladies. We are stuck good."
"What are we going to do Mark? We can't stay here to long. The girls will freeze up here."
"We will be fine, Callie. I can ski down the mountain and get help. It won't take me long to get down and bring back help. The heater will still work for you."
He remembered the last kiss he gave to his Callie. The girls hugged him and told him to hurry. He fought to wake himself. He screamed out in his sleep and called their names. He reached out and grabbed hold of the dashboard, squeezing it tight. He was oblivious to the young woman beside him, stroking his face,whispering gently to him. "It's alright, Mark. We are going to make it all good for you, sweet man."
He remembered seeing the vehicle going up the mountain as he skied down towards the small store at the foot of the mountain. He wondered who was driving and if he would stop to help his girls. He heard the screams again. He saw their faces plastered to the windows, their fear still on their precious faces. He remembered thinking he should stop and go back up the mountain. Their perfect Thanksgiving was about to be changed forever.
The events that followed were known to him only because of what had been relayed to him and the police later. Tara screaming, clawing at the window, Liza calling his name over and over again! "Daddy, pleaseeeee, don't leave me here! Don't let me die down here! Pleaseeeeee!"
He heard Callie screaming as the man pulled at her body, yanking her from her seat, her legs entangled in ski gear, holding her inside tight. He struggled to hold on to her. Mark's armed flayed all around the inside of the car. He felt the warmth of an arm an held on to it with everything he had inside of him. He could feel the arm sliding in his hands. His grip tightened, he pulled it towards him. He buried his face in the warmth and cried.
"Hang on to me, Baby! Don't let go of me, Callie. I need you so much in my life. Please do not let go of me!" He heard his name being called. He saw the Vehicle falling. He remembered now, looking up and seeing the other vehicle stop right where his family must have been. Echoes of a wench being operated, the screeching of metal again rock and the moment he saw the headlights of their Explorer shine straight up. A huge beacon, telling him the Ford was standing straight up somehow. That was when he heard their screams for his help. Callie saying his name over and over again.
"Mark. Mark, you have to wake up! You are making it impossible for me to drive! please let go of me!"
Mark woke with a start. He saw the Young ladies arm held tight in his clenched fingers. He realized it was not his Callie calling to him. It was his saviour from the storm that he held to. Not his Callie at all. He loosened his grip and looked away. "Oh God, I am so sorry. I was dreaming and thought you were..."
"It's ok Mark, I understand. We will be to Laredo in less than 3 hours. We will make this alright then."
"I still don't know who you are or why you picked me up. And why do you look like someone I know? You need to give me some answers."
"I am what I am, Mark. You will understand when we get to Laredo."
"They died you know. I left them alone to die out there!!!!" He began to cry again.
"You did what you thought was right Mark. It is going t be alright... I promise you."