Monday, June 1, 2009

Depression: not just for the mind.

Depression is an issue that does not just alter your mind-set. Depression can effect your health and truly, your ability to think things out in a safe manner. In every life, sometime or another, people feel down or as if nothing is going right. That is something that just comes with life. For some, they deal, they move on and live their life with no real issues. If life comes against them, they simply find a way to get around it and carry on.
This is Not the case for someone that suffers from Chronic or Manic Depression. It is also known as Bipolar Syndrome and it's effects are far from mild or "dealt with." I could just insert link after link but that wouldn't really show you any more than you could find yourself. Sometimes, direct from a person that knows the disorder intimately is a better way to learn. Some of the effects that Manic depression can manifest can not simply be harmful... they can be deadly. The way the mind can go from total chaos to almost shut down in 30 seconds also brings on other health conditions besides the terrible depression.
Insomnia doesn't simply deprive you of a restful sleep. It eats away at your ability to think or make decisions. It wears the body down to the point that you become susceptible to all manner of illnesses from the common cold to the flu to heart disease. There are so many "side effects" from Manic Depression and all of them can cause a great amount of damage to ones body and mind. When a person is in a severe depression, sometimes it is beyond friends and families ability to find a way to bring them out. There are times when medication and therapy are a very needed addition to the love and concern that is given by those that love a Manic/Bipolar person. And sadly, in one out of 20 cases, nothing works in time.
I write this today because I know all to well the effects that bipolar and terrible depression can have on a person. To cause ones self to shut off from the outside world unless they have no choice than to interact is a harsh effect. Loves and Lives are lost to this illness and a lot of the time, the fact that people do not accept it or try and acknowledge it's potential to literally destroy a person is a huge cause of such things. My body knows the harsh reality of depression and it's effects. Every time I have an anxiety attack or find my self awake for days at a time, I know and feel it's burn.
To lose touch with someone you love because your mind simply can not find a way to explain why you are away is very hard to face. To want so badly to speak with a loved one, but find that you can not tears at the very soul of a person. there are things I have lost to this disorder that I can never ever recover. There are people and desires and needs that are left to simply fade because of the fact that one can not find a way to give all of themselves. It is embarrassing and frightening for the one suffering to have to talk to a friend or loved one about how they feel inside. Fear of rejection. Fear of being mocked or scoffed is enough to close the inflicted off from the rest of the world.
Yes... we are high maintenance. Yes, we are nearly impossible to live with at times. And yes, sometimes it appears that we take more than we give back. The truth is, we give back as much as we can and that is sometimes more than we wish too. But because we love someone and fear them going away, we reach out into what for us is a scary place. We reach out into the unknown and unsecured regions of the safe zones for us. But... the love you get back will never be truer nor ever be more intense from another. It is everything we have and that makes it so very much.
I want those of you who know me to know this... I have not faded because I do not care nor because I do not hold you dear in my heart. Life happens sometimes and when a low hits, there is little to be done but ride the wave and roller-coaster and pray that you are still intact when it finally settles. I am sorry for being away so long and sorry that my mind doesn't always allow me to explain myself. If you have chosen to leave me behind, then my heart will always understand. If you choose to love me as i am and understand that myself, and a million others just like me wish we could be like you. Walking through life the way we do is not something that ANYONE would ever enjoy, not even us. But as someone I have cherished and loved in my heart for a very long time said to me... "It is what it is."
Should you look for me to be all sad and down and crying 24/7? On the contrary. My Highs are bigger than anything you have ever seen. My smiles and my belief that I CAN conquer the world, that I CAN save all those that are sad or without love are as huge as My lows are deep and dark. I will win this battle as I have a great support team in my life and heart. And I have the greatest of all looking out for me from heaven. I have been and am More blessed than any man on this earth deserves to be. I know that.
This is my world and i know it isn't always understood. I am sorry for that. It does not mean I care less or think of you all less. It simply means "Life 1, Darrel 0 right now. Remember, depression isn't just about the mind. It is about the body and soul also. It's destructive nature knows no boundaries nor prejudices. It effects anyone and is not shy about doing so. Love us, pray for us and try to understand... we do our best to show you our love and friendship. Depression... it IS a thing I know about... Always, Darrel


Leona said...

Dear "D"
I do so miss you - and I understand that your illness doesn't keep track of the minutes, days or years. Please know that you are ALWAYS in my thoughts and my prayers and my heart. I miss our chats over morning coffee, and the letters and phone calls. You are and will always beone of my closest and dearest friends. I miss you my friend and check in on you often through this site. Although you may not know it - I am always here....
Chat with you soon
Leona :)

Darrel said...

leona... your words, how do i say to you how they touched me. I too miss you and think of you daily. Coffee in the morning isnt the same as it was when we looked out of your window at the deer and squirrels. The snows that had me worried sick for you and the beautiful time we shared.
I am always happy you have found some peace and found a good love. That was always first and most in my prayers for you. Thank you from my soul for keeping watch here. You are dearer to me than I can or will convey here. I will write soon, I promise you. Hugssssssssssss Always, Darrel

Anonymous said...

I can relate to so many of the things you have written. Although in some ways different, in others so much the very same. Depression is something I have lived with for so long as you know. No medication works for me so as you, I live from day to day. I wonder how can my husband still love me so when at times I have no feelings inside of me, except emptiness. Although I don't get the highs you do when I'm blessed to have a few happy days or weeks then that's great and I feel that is the real me. God has me me this way for a reason, HE has given me a good heart, caring for others. It's his plan for me and I believe there is a reason for everything. I'm so glad you wrote about depression and aniexty disorders and again although we differ we are in a way the same. Depression is as you say not just in the mind. It effects your entire body and drains you of everything. You feel as if you can't finish anything yet start many things. You feel worthless but deep inside at times you know you aren't. For me pressure is horrible although it's placed on me daily.Great write for those who really don't understand people that live with depression and aniexty disorder.

Linda H

Darrel said...

Linda... as always I am thankful for you reading these blogs. They are truly my heart and soul in type. You do undeerstand and you walk the same path as I do. Your heart is as mine and takes on the worlds pains and try to make people feel better and know some joy in their lives.
Life is as it is and we can decide to allow it to take us away or stay and do our best. I Do write these things so that others can understand. It is through their understanding that our lives are made a little less stressed. Thank you for your openness and honesty always. Hugss for you... Darrel

Anonymous said...

It is not true that the old men and women are more susceptible to depression than their younger counterparts and it must be mentioned that an individual is said to suffer from depression when he exhibits symptoms, namely, hopelessness, chronic tiredness, appetite loss, loneliness, sadness et al for one week or more. Therefore, it is important for you to get hold of right information on depression related details before starting to treat your depression.

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