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The New Year... what will it bring with it!?!?!?!?

Today I sit alone in a very quiet house. No kids, no sounds except for the purring of my cat George. Yes, George is of course a she. But, enter my little Bipolar brain and just nod that "Of course" nod that tells me you are not at all surprised. I think back to the year that is almost finished with a sense of completion, yet at the same time... with a feeling that so many things did NOT get done. Projects started 100 times over, sometimes with almost the promised look that they Would in fact be completed, but with the knowing that they probably would not.
I have watched all of my girls grow and change in many ways. I have felt things that have Always been, slowly slip away, leaving me with a sense of emptiness. I have been loved more than I am sure I deserve. Time has gotten away from me more often than I have controlled it. Times with my therapist that has helped me more than I can say. And finding a safe place that has finally settled in to my heart and mind, telling me that she will not hurt me or take advantage of the mind set that is "my" little world.
I wonder what this new year will bring to me. I await it with a huge mix of excitement and fear. Excited that I may see my next novels in print. Excited that I may see my oldest two daughters find happiness and true love. The fear of knowing that for every "UP", no matter how high it takes me, there Will be a "Low" to battle. Wondering if I will have the strength to make it through the on-slaught of Lows that will be part of my New Year. And the knowledge that with new things come changes and changes are simply something I do NOT do well with.
This has been a different Christmas for me also. The weather has been a disaster here, truly, since the Spring rains that did not want to stop. And on August 9th, the storm to beat all storms in Eldora struck. Winds so high that the town's meter broke and we were only at 116 miles per hour when it broke. Hailstones so big they took out every window in the house and part of the roof. One, kept for remembering, placed in the freezer, that was the size of a softball. The loss of our pet squirrel due to shock from the storm. Clean-up and new rooves and windows that after over 5 months, is still going on.
December, the month of Christmas... a time for joy and laughter and going to G-ma's and G-pa's for a huge Christmas meal. This year, like so many other things related to the ever changing weather, a winter storm hit us a week before Christmas. Eighteen inches of beautiful but dangerous snow fell on us. Then, Christmas eve and the day before, we were bombarded with Ice!!! Ice and rain and more ice and rain. All roads in and out of Eldora closed to travelers. There would be no Christmas dinner at Mom and Dad's because there was no way to get into their house. A change! Huge and different and hard for me to adjust too. We would have Christmas dinner at home with just my little family. Sitting down and enjoying and knowing that the true reason we got together was to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ and to give thanks for all he has given to us. Perhaps our father in heaven wanted to remind some that Christmas is Not about getting together and exchanging gifts. It is about celebrating his son's birth. No matter where you are or what you are doing, it is still the day we have set aside and called it Jesus' birthday.
Still, fear lies inside of me. A fear that the new year Will be like the year that is almost over. That I will still start a thousand projects, still make a hundred promises, that when they were made, were pure and true and that my heart meant to keep. Life, ever changing, some for the good and some... causing me to go into a massive depression again. I know that I am different in my issues and the disorders that are always a part of my life. I hear of all these people that hide away for days. I know of some that simply can not face anyone nor anything and they find a place to be and simply stay there until their Low has subsided for a time again.
Me!!!??? I have family that relies on me daily for so many things. Children that need their father to be able to reach out and be there for them. I can NOT simply disappear for a day or two. I know in my heart that to be able to do that perhaps would be the worst possible scenario for me. The feeling of worthlessness and of failure, the destruction inside of me that goes on because I KNOW I have not completed so many things, would overwhelm me in such a terrible way. BUSY!!!! That is my savior daily. Parents that taught me that no matter what, you have responsibilities and so where my mind or my heart go, must be always secondary to whatever this sometimes 1000 mile per hour brain of mine takes me. Too much alone time, to few responsibilities would translate for me into "time to atone for me sins." Sins that perhaps do not truly exist except inside of my own mind and heart. Hurting people I love because my mouth says what is on my heart, sometimes too quickly. I want to be that number 1 best selling author. I want to be a good father. I want to be true and good. And I KNOW that if not for the things that keep me Busy, I Would find a place and sit and not move and not speak to anyone except for myself.
Life is strange as it is. It is hard at times and beautiful also. I am loved so sweetly and my "issues" simply noticed and tenderly subsided. And yet, still, there is the sadness that lives inside of me that wants so much to destroy anything that might be finished. Why? Because in finishing something, it can now be assessed and judged or rated. And that... leaves a door open to failure. See the abstract places my mind goes? Feel the sense of dis-connection I must live with? Feel my heart today and know that I want the New Year to be a better year. I want to know the things I dream of. I want to touch the lives that are a part of my very being. I want to have a day that I Do NOT see myself as anything other than a messed up man that is out of place in this world. I want to know Peace.

Merry Christmas with Love... Bipolar and All.

Christmas... A season of joy and family togetherness. A time when people travel miles and miles, their vehicles filled to the brim with packages and food and children squealing and laughing. Thoughts of a huge turkey basting in Grandma's oven and all the trimmings waiting to be devoured by the on-slaught of person after person. Dressing, hot out of the Bird, mashed potatoes with turkey gravy covering them. Sweet potatoes, soaking in brown sugar and marsh mellows with cranberries in a bowl not far away. The relish tray adorned with olives and pickles and celery and carrots and a dip made of cottage cheese, mayo and ranch dressing begging to be eaten. And the Hot buns that will have butter melting inside of them, looking like the perfect place for a slice of the Honey Ham that will be sliced, fresh out of the oven. A house that is filled with all of the aromas that tell us it is Christmas Day. Conversations going every which way and family trying to be part of as many of them as they can at one time.
Listen closely and you can hear Grandma and Grandpa whispering to one another how wonderful it is to have all of their family together again. Each year a blessing just to be still present and well. A prayer being said by all of the children, young and older, telling God we are thankful that his son was born on this day that we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. How beautiful a picture that is. A Picture I painted directly from my own Christmas days Past and Present. How could anything so beautiful have a single thing about it that would cause a person to become depressed????
There is a measure of people... 3.5 million to be at least close, that the holidays are very hard for to get through. Life isn't always the same on the outside of ones mind as it is on the inside. depression has a way of finding things to be sad about. Taking all the wonders of the season, analyzing them, picking them apart and finding the things that DID NOT happen or that DID happen that had nothing to do at all with the season. Although many wish that for just one single day, their minds could forget all the past and the things that drag them down, somewhere in the quiet moments, when there is NOT 100 conversations going, thoughts will find their way out and take a person from very, very happy to very sad. Tears without reason will fall and feelings will over take the smiles that were theirs only moments ago. They will find a place to be alone because they don't want... or should I say Can not answer the question of why they are sad when someone asks them. It may be as short lived as a cigarette smoke or as long as the night lasts. It even comes in short spurts and a trip to the restroom can be the difference between happy and sad.
I write this today for the reason that I write most of my posts. I write it so that people know they are not alone in these feelings. I write so they don't feel as if they have ruined everything for the holidays or that Anything that goes wrong on Christmas Day was caused in some way by them. I write to let others know that they are loved and that they simply need to walk away now and then, find a place to be alone and gather their thoughts. Even if just for a moment or two, it will help. I write this today so that someone out there knows that if they have their "safe place" person with them on Christmas Day, it is alright to tell them you are feeling a bit Ummmm, "Abstract" I like to call it. "Disconnected" works wonderfully too. I write this today for people... people JUST LIKE ME. You can get through the Christmas Crazies and enjoy them. All the food and laughter and smiles is there for You too. Take the day a moment at a time and remember, those people love you, even when you don't think you deserve to be loved. God Bless you all and May the Christmas season be bright and beautiful for you. And remember, You are Not alone. Not ever. Someone bigger than you or I has his loving hand on us. Merry Christmas from our home to yours. Always, Darrel

Just my heart talking...

As another day was about to close last night, I reached for my guitar to tune the it. A new string needed to be added and so with that comes the stretching and tuning over the next day or two. Agreeing to play and sing with a four year olds program for a Christmas caroling at the local bank was a wonderfully rewarding blessing. The children are eager and they sing with their hearts. No worries about what others may think. No concerns as to whether they are singing in tune or in some key not yet defined by the music industry. They simply want to sing and see people smile as they do. They bring a joy to the hearts of all that hear them sing.
The guitar falls easily back in to tune and my family gathers around to sing a few songs. "Just a moment is all I need, to make sure it is in tune," I tell them. Two hours later, I am sure it is now in tune. We have sang as a family since they were babies. Now, grown and living lives of their own, they ask over and over for songs that we have sang for a life-time. Their life-time and mine. The sad songs of the Sixties. They beautiful songs of the 70's and the 80's ring out. We sing in the same way that this Abstract, bipolar mind works. We slide easily from Gospel to oldies and toss in a bit of country so that my beautiful family can do a little Line dancing.
"I don't know for sure how to Waltz, Dad. Show me please." I look at my oldest and smile. This ole body hasn't Waltzed since a few years before their mother went to heaven. But... Waltz we did. And I still have both my feet! A two step and a jitterbug later and my legs are telling me to sit. Did I miss a step in that jitterbug? Was my Waltz a little faster than need be? I don't know. What I do know is that we smiled and we laughed and we sang. Like those precious Angels I am blessed to sing and play the guitar with at a local bank today, we didn't worry whether it was perfect or not. We only cared that it was fun.
And so today, I think about Christmas and what I will do this year. I will sing with my family and will enjoy all the food and festivities that come with it. I will say a prayer for those less fortunate than I. And I will remember the pure innocence of the children and how they do not worry nor care about what others are thinking of their sounds. They simply Enjoy as will I this Christmas season. Times past mingled with Time present to make the season almost perfect. There is a feeling in the air this time of year. Grab hold of it and smile. Don't look back and don't worry what others may be thinking. Just Enjoy their smiles and laugh.

In another persons shoes...

This morning, as I sit and look out at the snow laying on the ground, thinking about how cold it is outside... I wondered something. Life is a challenge for most these days. There are bills to pay and kids to raise. There are tasks to be done and life in general to make it through. One day at a time. I look around at all that I have here. The roof over my head keeping my safe and dry. I see all of my world possesions. Things I hold close as my own and things that I can not remember when nor the reason why I bought them or still have them. I think to myself just how fortunate I really am. I close my eyes for a moment and I thank God in Heaven for all the blessings he had bestowed upon me. Not riches beyond my wildest dreams but enough to pay bills and enjoy life a little bit.
And then another thought came to me. I began to think about those less fortunate than me. My heart weighs heavy while thinking about the homeless and the unsheltered. My mind wanders to the Missions that open their doors to these people, some barely into their teens. I feel a stab at my heart and realize exactly how blessed I am. There are so many people, adults as well as children that are "without" this Christmas Holiday. They have no home, little to no food and their thought this Christmas will be where their next meal will come from. They are not worried about whether or not that will open a gift this year. All they want is a warm place to sleep and a hot meal to fill their stomachs. Winter is here! The cold has set in and suddenly... it isn't a place that any person should be outside in, unprotected from the elements.
We live in a world where we toss away more food in a day than some eat in a week. I can hear my Mothers voice echoing in my ear. She is telling me that I need to eat what she put on my plate. She says "there are people in this world that are starving!" My thought, though I kept it to myself was "O.k., send this to them then." It was funny then. I laughed about even years later. Long after my mother finally got tired of sitting there telling me to eat and tossed the food on my plate in the garbage. We ourselves were not rich in any way but we always had food and a roof over our heads. We always had heat in the house and the right clothes to wear when the weather turned cold.
Today, so many years later, I Understand. I know that my mother was right. She was right then and she would still be right today. There "really" are starving people in this world. In a world that produces food and more food so that we can toss it if we decide not to eat it, there are those that would gladly have eaten it for us.
Today, this minute, I sit and thank God for all he has given to me and my family. I thank him for the house and the food and the extra things that I sometimes, I forget I even have. I write this to you because we should not live in a world of hungry homeless people. We as a people should and Can reach out to do a little something to help those less fortunate. Walk in their shoes for just a minute and see how it feels. Better yet, walk outside in the cold without your shoes on and feel what they feel each and every day. The economy today has effected every single person in the world in some way. Whether it be big or small, the effects are visible and felt by millions. Jobs are being cut and families are going without many things they had been accustomed to. Lives are being changed and families are finding it harder to pay bills.
This Christmas season... I challenge you to reach out to someone less fortunate than you are. I implore you to seek out a family, a shelter for women or homeless. Find that someone or someones that will go without the festivities of the holiday season and take tyheir hand. Give of yourself something they do not have. There are so many ways to do this. I will list them for you so you don't even have to go looking. Take the initiative and share what has been bestowed upon you and yours. Just think how many we could help, if even for a single day, feel the warmth that is Christmas. Celebrate the precious season by freely giving to someone that does NOT have what you have. Two thousands years ago, a man lived and died for us. He suffered and bled that our lives might be enriched. He gave Everything for people that had nothing. Freely, he gave and freely we should Honor him and do the same.
Please, reach into your hearts and find a way to help another. They are our brothers and sisters, our mothers and fathers and our neighbors. They are not as far away as we may think or try to keep them. This year, let us not allow the "economy" to stop us from bringing warmth and good will to others. freely we have taken and now I ask you, freely give.
Here is a list of things you can do to out reach. The blessings in your heart will be something you can't even imagine. List... More... Food shelters...
This is just a few to help you get started. I promise you, you will not have to look far to find someone to bless. You may find them right in your own community or neighborhood.
Blessings to you All. Give with your heart. Volunteer somewhere and I promise you, it will be appreciated. And be thankful for what you Do have this year. Always, Darrel

Writing... It Is an Art.

When I think of writing being called an art, it causes me to think of the why it may be called that. When a writer is transferring thoughts from the mind or imagination, to paper, or as may be the case today... to screen, it does become Art. The ability as much as it is a Need to cause the reader to "See" what is being written is in fact Art.
To write without the ability to create a canvas painting or a Big Screen scene while writing leaves the reader with only words. Words that could be tossed into a Dictionary or a letter to an unknown person. They serve only to fill in space. It is truly the writer that can create a scenario for the reader that comes to life as if it were 3-D or Live , that creates with their mind the painting that will endure and last in a readers mind. To take a simple barn and cause it to become the "Red Barn that stands alone in a field, it's paint peeling from the wood, straw left long ago to dry and be blown into the wind, sticking out from the open window at the top of the now nearly colorless barn" is the same as painting a picture for the reader that they can see as well as feel.
Such is the life and the desire of every writer. This is the essence of their soul being layed out in the open for all the world to see. If a writer can capture this very vivid picture for their readers then he has indeed made writing "an Art." I am confidant in myself that I have done this for you, the reader in both of my novels. Be prepared to not only read the words, but to feel them as if you were sitting right where the characters are.

Daily Survey Panel

Surveys are very much a part of a supplemental Income for me. The time spent completing the surveys from different sites is well worth the compensation I receive each month.
I recently came across a new survey site that pays directly to my PayPal. The monies are placed in my PayPal account in a very timely manner. Daily Survey Panel offers over 100 paid surveys a day. If you fail to qualify for one, you simply click to try another and you are on your way. As an added incentive, if you complete a specified amount of surveys each month, you receive a Very nice bonus cash to your account.
The surveys are easy to navigate and enjoyable. Very few surveys will be unqualified for you. And the best part is that each day I watch my PayPal account grow from doing the surveys from Daily Survey Panel. Go ahead and give it a try. You will NOT be disappointed.

When Coin Collecting becomes Coin Investing...

Collecting coins has been a part of our world for centuries. Everything from the Liberty dime to the Carson City Silver Dollar has graced homes through-out the world. From the Novice collector of Wheat Pennies and Buffalo Coins to the expert collectors of the Krugerrand, people have been fascinated with coins. Some coins have grown in value over the years simply by age and the number of a particular coins minting. Others remain only worth the enjoyment and smiles that owning them brings to ones self.
The collecting of coins becomes an investment in your future when you visit "Gold Coins Gain." This site opens up to the seeker a world of coins that can easily become the best retirement plan a person could want. Coins such as $2.5 Liberty Quarter Eagle's, the Gold South African Krugerrand or even the Chinese Gold Panda, bought and left to time can become a nest egg saturated with the capabilities to become worth ten or twenty times their present value in just a few short years. Investors need go no further than Gold Coins Gain to find any coin they are looking for that is worthy of investment. With testimonials from people that have visited this site, the wonder as to whether Gold coins are a safe investment is taken out of the picture.
Gold Coins Gain offers not only the coins themselves but background on the coins origin and their value. Gold American Eagles and Gold proof American Eagles are even acceptable coins in IRA's today. Though the value of gold may fluctuate over the years, it's worth has held the standard for the money market for centuries. A proven good investment, Gold Coins Gain will guide you through the maze of what coin is a good investment and what coin is a Great investment. For your every Gold and Silver investment needs, Gold Coins Gain is the place you want to go to.

Sign of the Times...

As we approach the Christmas season, I sit back and think about the year that is almost over. So many changes, both personally and for our nation as a whole. We voted in a new President, filled with promises as they all make, Before getting into office. We have all watched our nation go through changes and though I would not lay all of our economic issues on One man, certainly we have NOT done better so far. We still have more men than I care to count over seas, Not coming home to be with their families this Christmas. That is huge to me. I am a Veteran and I understand fully the need to protect our land. I do NOT understand our precious men and women still not home. But... this is not about that issue today. So I will move on. This is about the economy and Christmas.
I know that times have changed from last year and that so many families are feeling the effects of the nations woes this season. I watched friends and family alike lose their jobs to another country. My own family is feeling the effects of the nations ignorance and greed. To save money, to make a bigger profit that will NOT be passed on to the workers that truly are the back-bone of any company that exists today. Neighbors that watched their jobs that they had given 20 years to, be sent to Mexico and other countries, leaving them jobless, will feel the impact this season.
I wonder why it is so hard for "intelligent" people, men and women that call themselves smart and American, to figure out that if you send our work to other countries, We as a nation will NEVER, EVER come out on top. People, the big boys up top will pad their pockets and will even give a "Token" amount to charity, but the people that made them what they are today, will not see those pluses to sending our work else-where. I wonder sometimes where it will really all settle out.
When presents are unwrapped this year, there will be a few less to open. There will be those left un-opened, waiting for loved ones to come home. There will be families that will talk to their loved ones Via satellite, the Internet... some other way than face to face. And there will be OTHER countries that smile and celebrate the good fortune of another country, our country, handing them what used to be ours. I wonder what our President and his cabinet will think, Our Congress and all the leaders that have allowed this too happen will think when we no longer need any of them because there is nothing left here to govern.
I am an American and I love this country! I am intelligent enough to know what should be and what really just shouldn't be. I wish only the best things for this land and Still believe that the people will one day stand up and find a way to Not allow this to happen anymore. A new year is coming and we as a nation, need to stand together, support our loved ones over seas, whether we agree or don't agree with the war... And make our home a better place. A Place with out Hunger or strife amongst our selves.
And then my daughter steps in and truly puts it all into perspective, concerning the Christmas Season. And I quote... "If it is really about the presents or lack of presents, Daddy...then maybe we needed something to remind us what Christmas is really about. It's about peace and love and the birth of our saviour."
Woww, she really knows how to make one think... Thank you for that, Shannon.

SHOPWIKI.COM,forALLofyourcomputerneeds.com

When searching for that new computer, whether it is for your personal use, an office computer or a gift for someone special, you need look no further than SHOPWIKI.Com. This on-line store doesn't just offer computers and all of the software that goes with it. Shopwiki.com takes their computers and their customers needs very seriously. Computers ranging from the home desktop PC to Laptops to a Mac are all available at the touch of a key. Budget PC's, Workhorse and High performance PC's are offered at Shopwiki. Depending on your specific needs, the shop will walk you through each PC and show you exactly what they have to offer you. Helping you decide if a Desktop or Laptop is the right choice for you, shopwiki goes the extra mile to aide in your decision.
Adding to the reasons that "shopwiki.com" should be your First and last stop for your computer needs is their features displaying each computer for you. They also detail what each computer is capable of doing. How much of the tasks you need to accomplish each type and size of computer can do is also included in this on-line store. Computer terms you may not be familiar with are included as well as the names of the manufactures that make them. All of the Specs are a keyboard away.
A visit to shopwiki.com will benefit the new PC user as well as the veteran. Your questions answered, you will come away fully equipped with the knowledge of what you need and how to obtain it. Shopwiki.com doesn't simply want to sell you a computer. They want to sell you the RIGHT computer for your needs.

agent Query Connect... the place to find your writers needs.

Agent Query Connect is an on-line site, created to help authors reach out to one another. The site offers avenues for writers to find agents and publishers as well as a place to connect with other authors. There are chat rooms so that you can converse with the people you need to know to succeed in the very competitive market of writing. For whatever your needs are concerning writing, you will want Agent Query Connect in your library of "things to have."

Your One Stop Spot for Auto Insurance

When Looking for a href="http://www.automobileinsurance.me/">">auto insurance, you will find everything you need under one URL. AutoInsurance.ME! is your one stop site for what ever you are looking for in an auto insurance policy. Knowledge is the key to finding the policy that is right for your specific needs. From liability to collision to comprehensive coverage, everything you need to know is right in front of you. AutoInsurance.ME! takes you through the plans with ease and allows you to become educated in what you need to know about coverage.
AutoInsurance.ME! offers a list of insurance companies so that you can find the rates that fit your budget. You can read about each company and what they offer before deciding which company is right for you. ">AutoInsurance.ME! even offer a section made just for student drivers and the families of those drivers.As an added bonus, you will find a Glossary of definitions for terms used by auto insurance companies. This list helps put You, in the "driver's seat" should the need to file a claim ever come up. AutoInsurance.ME! truly is your " ">everything under one roof" site for auto insurance. Check them out and I think you will be glad you did.

Great Christmas Gift Idea

If you are looking for a great Christmas Gift, look no further. My novels, Abduction and Until Death Do We Meet will make excellent gifts for that suspense reader on your Christmas list. Normally they sell for 20.00 dollars each. Purchase them as a Christmas gift and you can get them both together for 35.00 dollars. That's a five dollar savings to you... an extra stocking stuffer or roll of film for keeping memories.
With each order you will receive the novels, autographed YOUR way, along with a CD of easy listening music, written and recorded by me titled "SimplyD". In the U.S., I pay all shipping costs.For overseas, add 15.00 dollars for shipping. Get them now so that you will have them in plenty of time Christmas.
From me to you, I wish you all a safe and memorable Holiday season, now and throughout the New year. Thank you, Darrel.

Soldiers... here and gone.

Today is Veterans Day. A day set aside to honor and to remember the brave men and women who have or are protecting our country. We take a moment out of our busy lives and have parades and school plays and bands playing the National Anthem to pay homage to the wonderful soldiers that have layed down there lives to keep our country free. Today i went to concert at our local school. From kindergarten to the High school, every grade honored our veterans. They sang songs about our Flag and told in beautiful voices how beautiful our country is. From "Your a Grand Ole' Flag" to "Oh Beautiful", I felt the spirit of our Homeland being Honored. The Band played the Theme of each one of the services and as each Branch was played, the veterans of that branch were asked to stand and be recognised. I felt such a pride as the United States Air force Theme was played.
At the end, as 120 students paraded past the audience, each carrying a U.S. Flag, the song by Lee Greenwood, "I am Proud To Be An American" was being played.
Today, I stopped and really thought about what it means to be an American. It means loving and honoring your country. It means standing up for your country and defending it whether by words or weapons. It stands for being free and the knowledge that we are only free because of the men and women that have stood and paid the price for or freedom. The brave people that have fought for this country against every adversary that one could imagine. Leaving this land to go to places they have never seen before... some that they had never "heard" of until they landed on their soil. Leaving their families behind to stop the enemy from getting close enough to harm this land we call home.
I sit and think of the causes we have fought to keep, both here and abroad. The Right to freedom of religion. The right to bear arms to defend our selves. And then I thought of the "right of Freedom of Speech" and my heart saddened a bit. I thought about things I have heard "fellow" Americans say about our men, our country and the war we fight right now in Iraq. A war that for whatever reasons we are fighting, whether it be to defend against terrorists or free a people from Tyranny, we are in it. Freedom of Speech is not limited here in America. There are few rules to govern what we say aloud. What a shame that there might need to be.
To be an American to me, does NOT mean you can talk down your country. It does not mean you have the right to speak badly of our soldiers or what they are doing. They are doing what they were told to do. I think that being an American means that whether we agree or we simply agree to disagree, we show support for our soldiers. They are after all the reason we are living in a land that IS Free. I am thankful for each and every man and woman that has stood up to defend our Honor and our way of life. I sleep sound because they are there. And as for me and those in my house, I say THANK YOU, from the deepest parts of my heart to every single soul that has ever fought to defend my freedom. God Bless America ,,, And God, watch over our troops. They are just Angels in Uniform.

Purpose... Is it a Must for Surival?

Purpose... such a strong word. Purpose is the reason for an action being done, an object existing or being made or used. Purpose can be synonymous with the goal or the intended result of an action. It means to be here on earth for a reason. Something bigger than just existing. To go through life with out ever serving a purpose, without ever reaching out to someone to help them to me, is a wasted life time. So many are in need of someone to touch their lives and help them in some way. Many that have no idea how to ask. The rewards that come with helping someone, with knowing your purpose is immeasurable. For some... it is their only means to survive in this world.
This being said, what happens when you can no longer find your purpose? What changes in your world when the reason you got up every single morning leaves? And where do you go when even those around you don't truly need your help? They are totally able to care for themselves. Walking through life with a "care-givers" soul, it is difficult at times to find reason for even being, existing. The purposes we have in this world are what give us the motivation to get out of bed and start the day. It begins as soon as we open our eyes. We focus and even look forward to the day, existing with the knowledge that today... someone, somewhere is going to or already Does need you.
Suddenly, you wake one day and find yourself searching for that Purpose. Looking through your life and at those around you, you strive to reach into each one of them and find a Need. I knew for ever it seems what my purpose was. I reached out o so many and helped them along their journey through life. While I was helping them, they were also helping me in more ways than I knew sometimes. They were saving me while I was saving them. And some, sadly, I let down. I failed them as a friend and as someone they loved and cherished. Too busy with life and yet as mixed up as it sounds, I should have been busy with their life. My "Purpose" and I let them slip away, leaving them alone and without encouragement. When you surround yourself with people in need and suddenly that "need" is gone, where does that leave you???
The need to help someone, the desire to have purpose I think is a survival mode inside. I don't know if everyone has it with in them. Perhaps there are those that can survive without a real purpose. What I know is this. people are placed in our lives many times for a reason. A Purpose, They come into our lives, sometimes only for a season. When the purpose for them being in our lives is found and that purpose has been fulfilled, they may simply move on. But forever, they are embedded, bonded to your life and memory for the rest of your life. Someone else will fill their spot or you, will fill a spot in someone else's life. The blessings filling your life with a reason to be.
When you suddenly wake and realize you don't know what your purpose is, it is a terribly frightening place to find ones self. It can absolutely leave you feeling worthless. The search goes on to find my purpose in this world that surrounds me. I truly hope that I find it soon, before it destroys me and my world.