The Forest Has Ears... Part 3

Karen slept while Ellie drove. Ellie knew the way to where Karen wanted to go. It was the same place their parents had taken them when there was danger. A place that was circled by all the elements so important to a witches world. The forest protected them from peering eyes, even the eyes that did not need be beside you to see you. Inside the forest was a lake surrounded by more trees and fertile soil. Just beyond the lake burned an eternal flame.Not a flame that could be explained but none the less, a searing heat that could turn to ashes anything within 100 feet of it's flame. All the elements present... Earth, Air, Water and Fire. Few had ever been there and fewer even knew it existed. It was near dark when they arrived.
"Karen, you need to wake up, Sis. We are here."
"So soon? I feel like we just started driving."
The tall Cedars reached to the sky and made a canopy that shielded the Forest floor from nearly all light. They walked with their belongings until they found the small cabin that was nestled against the trees. Tiny shards of light still filtered through and made it appear as if the cabin were lit up itself.Pine cones arrayed the trees like Christmas ornaments and the ground was plush with grass like a carpet. They went inside and tried to get settled.
"We are going to be here for awhile, Ellie. I am sorry for this but it really is the safest place for us. The spell that Mom placed on the Forest here still exist. Only those we wish to see us can see us here."
"Melody has gotten stronger, Sis. I could feel her presence even outside the van. She knows where we are."
"I have no doubt that she does. Foolishly, we talked Mom into allowing us to bring her here when we were growing up. Mom seldom let her guard down but twice she did. The second time cost her dearly."
"Must we always dwell on the things that are gone now?"
"Gone? Nothing is ever truly gone, Ellie. It just moves on to another plaine. You know that. You know that. We have to remember or we will be caught off-guarde and then we lose. I have called on Jennifer and Alesha. They should be here within the hour."
"If melody hasn't found them and killed them."
"I placed a protective ring around them. They will be safe. In fact, they are here."
"Yes, I feel them too."
Jennifer and Alesha entered the cabin. The girls all hugged and greeted one another.
"The stories going around the different covens are that you are both dead. Killed by Melody because you betrayed the coven. It is total calamity out there. Witches vieing for your positions and some claiming they have your wand. Some even say they took in your aura and now have your powers. The coven is in complete disarray."
"Well, we all know that none of it is true,Alesha. Now we have to figure out how we are going to fix this."
"We need to know more, Karen. How can we really be of assistance when we don't even know what truly happened?"
"You are right, Jenn.I guess it's time to tell the tale. Some you know. My father and mother were both witches. Generation witches from further back than I need to go. Mother, like me, entered her Eldership at a very young age. As everyone knows,there are good and bad witches. The birth of a new witch is always followed very closely. When I was born, everyone knew. Ellie had been born first but she carried only a part of mother with her. For whatever reason, I was given more of her gift and the Craft was deeper embedded inside of me.I grew strong quickly and my "Book of Shadows" which any witch knows is truly a diary of sorts for us, thickened with spells and rituals and was my workbook, much like your own school books. When mother realized that the dark Craft were trying to take me from her, she created this place as a hiding place for us. Angering some very powerful witches, she and Father were killed. Ellie had the wisdom to hide me away until I came of age. She brought in witches and teachers to enhance my Craft until I was of age.
Years later, after I married and had my own children, Melody, the daughter of one of the Elders that sought me, waited for her chance and took my husband and children. Derek was only semi-protected because he was not a full witch. We did not perform the "great Rite" for marriage because he was only half witch. His mother was Christian. Whether she truly had the power to destroy him, I do not know. My daughter was very strong in her craft also and though the police said they found 3 bodies, I never saw the bodies close."
"You think they might still be alive?"
"I only know I never saw the bodies, Jenn. Where we are now is this. If we do not find a way to stop Melody, she will kill each one of us and take the Coven as her own. The balance of nature and of witches world-wide would be tossed so off balance that none would know for sure who was or who wasn't true. That opens the doorway to all sorts of bad things. Witches will begin doing as they please for good or bad. The world will re-open their eyes and the witch hunts will be little different from those of long ago. What man fears, he kills. Not a good thing for us."
"What can we do do stop Melody? They say she is as powerful as you are."
"Her strengths are great but weakened by her anger. She feels I am the reason her mother died. She truly hates me."
"You did kill her, right?"
"She did NOT kill her, Jenn!!!!" She gave her the option to step down and allow good witches to take the Coven. Anastasia chose to not listen and Karen used her wand to ward off an attack. In the struggle, Anastasia fell to her death. Karen was protecting herself and her family!"
There was a moment from behind the three girls. Books fell to the floor around them. They turned to see Alesha holding Karen's "Book of Shadows." She began to move towards the door. Ellie reached out to stop her. She was tossed across the cabin and fell limp to the floor.
"You can't see!" As soon as Alesha spoke the words, Jennifer cried out and placed her hands over her own eyes. She began clawing at them.
"Stop, Jenn... it is a Magick trick. Nothing more than words!" Karen raced to her side as she watched Alesha run out the door, book in hand. Holding Jennifer's hands so she could not scratch her own eyes out, Karen knew that she had been tricked. She would have to worry about the book and Alesha in a moment. She watched, as suddenly Ellie raised her own wand to the air. Fire and wind came from it and chased out the door after Alesha. Karen simply stood and stared. She had never seen Ellie use her wand and for certain did not know she had such power. A flame lit across the grass as it followed Alesha's path.

The Forest Has Ears... Part 2

The sky cleared almost as quickly as it had darkened. Karen turned and went back in to check on Ellie. She was sitting up, leaned against the wall of the kitchen. The only sign that she had been hurt was the blood stain on her blouse.
"Stupid, stupid me! If my head had been on right I would have seen that coming, Ellie. I am very sorry."
"Stop it, Karen. There is nothing we can do about it now. Thank goodness I have a little bit of mom in me or I would have been dead for sure. Thank you for the touch healing. That helps."
"What are we going to do, Ellie?"
"Right now, we are going to get out of here before that witch with a B sends more of her flunkies to mess with us. We can't go where we were headed, that's a given. Melody has eyes every-where. We need to find a safe place where she can't feel us for a while."
"Derek was a fool... A wonderfully, brilliant, handsome fool."
"O.k., where are we going with this, Sis?"
"He knew. He knew all along that one day being with a wiccan would cost him his life. He knew and still he stayed."
"He loved you. He always did, Karen."
"And it cost him his life! What kind of exchange was that!? Seventeen years of ducking and diving and hoping the next lightening bolt wasn't meant for you. When we walked the right of passage into Marriage, he knew then. No one has their broomstick break in half just from stepping over it. He said it was because our Love was so strong. I knew better and so did he. It foretold of his death even then. And still, he stayed."
"You have to remember that a lot of things were different with you, Karen. You were confirmed before you were ten years old. Unheard of. You were born with five stars on your shoulder, for cripes sake! At the initiation, we suddenly had a lunar eclipse. Your second Saturn return came to you before you were thirty. Anyone else is 58 to 60 years old, Sis. That's fact! No one really knew what it all meant. Mom and Dad maybe, but if they did, they didn't pass the knowledge on. All we can do is survive as long as we can. You didn't step out of the coven, remember? That was Melody and her followers. You tried to fix the tear in the fabric and..."
"And it cost me my husband and my children! What a price to pay for something I should have walked away from years ago!"
The lights began flickering again. Both ladies looked at the front door.
"Karen, we need to get out of here. We can not stay any longer. Take us to a safe place now."
Knowing the lights were not because the house was old, Karen knew Ellie was right. They finished loading the van and Ellie drove away from the house. As she turned the first bend, an explosion happened behind them. In the rear view mirror she watched as the house turned quickly to ashes. Quicker, she knew than was normal.
"Is it gone?"
"Yes Karen, completely. Where are we going? Point the way."
"There is only one place that Melody can't feel us. Head North to the forest. We can find refuge there while we figure out what we are going to do."
As they drove, a car suddenly appeared behind them. Ellie watched it in the mirror as it got closer to them. The car moved into the passing lane as it approached.
"I think we have company, Sis."
Karen looked at Ellie and then through the back window. The car was like any other car to the naked eye. To Karen, it shimmered and turned from silver to copper color and back to silver over and over again.
"It's more of Melody's girls. I can feel six of them. Keep driving and do not look back, Ellie. Do not even look into your mirror."
The car hit the back of the van. The van lunged forward as Ellie gripped the wheel tighter. "Just hold it as best as you can, Ellie. Keep your eyes glued to the road!"
Karen climbed from the front seat to the back of the van. She glanced up front and saw Ellie watching her. "Damn it, Ellie! I said keep your eyes on the road. Do you want to die!?"
"I am sorry... I am scared!"
"Me too, but I need to concentrate, please!" Ellie turned her eyes back to the road. She kept them focused on the highway in front of her, though she wanted so to watch what Karen was doing. Karen kicked the back door of the Van open just as the car struck it again. She grabbed the side of the door to keep from falling out. A bright light came through the back door and struck the floor. With a wink, the flames were extinguished. Karen stretched out her wand. It was long, longer than the traditional wand. It was a foot long and covered in every color that existed in a witches "tool kit." It was covered in Gold instead of brass and the shine from it could blind a person. The driver saw the wand first. Karen saw her eyes widen as she tried to back the car away from the van. Karen smiled.
Should have done that before you tried to kill us! Now it's my turn." Flashes were coming from every window of the car. They were striking the van on all sides and Ellie struggled to keep the Van on the road. Karen suddenly left the van and in an instant was seated next to the driver. The girls in the car began trying to hide on the floor of the car. Wands were being dropped and the driver could barely keep the car on the road.
"Don't you hate it when your leader forgets to tell you how nasty I am? You girls should have stayed in bed this morning. Now, I have to get mean. How shall we do this, ladies? Do you pull over and try to run or do we do it right here? Trap you like you did my Love and my children."
"It wasn't us, Karen, I swear it wasn't!!!!"
"Then I guess you should have just said "No", Tara. Too late for that though."
As the car came to a screeching halt, all the ladies reached for the door handles. As their fingers gripped the handles, they all heard the door-locks snap down. "Now that wouldn't be nice of you if you left just when I was about to start class, would it?"
With a wave of her hand, the car began to heat up. The windows fogged over quickly. Suddenly, Tara disappeared from the front seat. Karen turned towards the back seat.
"Tara is on her way back to Melody. She is going to tell her what happened here today. Unfortunately, you 5 will not be joining her."
"Please, please, don't hurt us!"
"It will only hurt for a minute, Selena. Much nicer than you were to my loved ones. And please don't deny it. I can still smell their presence on all of you. Bye ladies."
In a bright flash, Karen was back in the van. She watched as the car and all inside, turned to ashes. She crawled back into the front seat.
"Is it done, Sis?"
"For now. Let's get to the Forest. We can listen from there."

The Forest Has Ears... Pt 1

She didn't even know why she was sitting at the table. Karen knew she had at least 20 other things she could and truly, should be doing right then. She stared down at the picture again. She choked back the tears as she remembered. She was so beautiful, so spirited. Her long auburn hair was only paled by the sparkling of her emerald eyes. Her long legs led up to a body that was perhaps not so perfect to anyone else, but to Derek, it was always right. Her weight fluctuated the entire seventeen years but Derek always only saw beauty. Derek was the very love of her life and so very much the reason she rose every morning from her bed. Seventeen years with him seemed more like seventeen days now. Time had gone by so quickly but she had only realized it now. She touched his face with her fingertips and traced the outline of his body with her thumb. She was outspoken but never rude, soft but not weak and she was well versed in dressing to look elegant but never, ever over-dressed nor under-dressed.
The lights flickered in the kitchen again. She was glad to be getting out of the house. The last few days the house seemed to have decided to fall apart all on it's own. Karen moved her fingers to reveal the faces of their children. Mark, sixteen and sports savvy, shared only his looks with his father. He had Karen's out-going personality as well as sharing her gift to put a person "in their place" and make them feel as if he had complimented them. He was tall like Derek and fast on his feet. She looked down at seventeen year old Jessica. Standing beside her brother, the photo stoled her true height. At five foot, ten inches, tall for a girl, Mark made her look shorter. His six foot two inch frame towered over her. She was all her mother in looks. Watching this beautiful young lady move across the basketball court at school made a lot of guys turn their heads. She was Derek in every other way. She had his smile and his desire to laugh and make others smiles. She helped out with the after school programs and gave any extra time to causes for the less fortunate. She cried seeing a squirrel hit by a car. Too much like her father perhaps, Karen thought as she stared into the picture. So perfect a family. So very much her life. So very much...Gone. The lights went off and then on again.
"Damned old house" she murmured out loud.
"Karen, we need to get finished here. I want to be at least half way before dark."
Ellie tried so hard to keep Karen focused. Her only sibling, she was 3 years older than Karen. Their parents dying when Karen was six, Ellie had mothered her through out her growing years. She was there for Karen's tears and triumphs and there when she married Derek. She was always thankful she was there for her.
"I know, Ellie, and I am trying. It is hard for me."
She hugged Karen. As she did, she felt the muscles in Karen's body tense. She began to tremble and Ellie cried silently as Karen squeezed her. She knew she was at the fire again. She always knew.
"Karen, there was nothing you could do! Neither was your fault! How many times must I tell you that before you believe me?"
She held her tighter as she relived the fire again.
"It was me they wanted, Sis! It was always me! They killed our parents and then my family!!!! They took all I ever loved from me except for you. I never asked to be this way!"
"Karen!" she said, pulling back from her so she could look into Karen eyes. "You were born special. We have always known that. Mom and Dad knew it, Derek knew it and so did your children. There is nothing you did to make that happen. It just happened! Now we have one chance to get out of here and start fresh. But if we don't go soon, we won't make it out of here! Please, I need you to focus. You've seen the lights flicker. We need to go."
"Yes, yes, I know. I am so sorry. Let's gather our things and get going.They must be close enough to cause the lights to go out. Damn!"
She watched as Ellie made her way across the front lawn. She had loaded the SUV and was walking back to the house. Karen was never so grateful to have her sister with her as she was now. Ellie smiled as she came up the front steps. Karen reached out to hug her and thank her. The expression on Ellie's face hit Karen even before the sound did. She watched as Ellie stumble across the threshold of the house. She reached out and caught her before Ellie could fall to the floor. Her blouse was red in seconds. Karen laid her down and searched frantically for an entrance wound. When she was certain there was none to be found, she laid Ellie's body gently on the floor. She poured oil over the body and watched as Ellie slowly began to breathe again.Reaching for her wand, she closed the door with Ellie still lieing on the floor.
Outside, she saw the two young women walking away from the house quickly. As one looked over her shoulder, Karen saw the fear in her eyes. She tried to pull the other woman with her. Ellie stretched out her wand in the women's direction. The sky above them turned dark and the wind began to stir. Lightening flashed around the women as they began running away. The flashes danced all around them, barring their way in all directions. They stood clinging to one another, crying, begging Karen to turn her wand away.
"I will let you live long enough to tell the others Not to send little girls to take down an Elder. Me nor my sister will be harmed ever again by the sister Coven. You tell them that! You tell Melody that! Feel my anger now before you go!!!"
Karen swirled her wand in a circle and tossed the energy at the women. In an instant, lightening exploded where the two women stood clinging tight to one another. In one more instant there was a scream of pain. The next moment... they were no more.

To be or not to be... does it matter?

Sometimes, we sit too long and we think too much. We allow our minds to wander a little forward and a lot back into memories. I am forever hearing that you must move forward or you will get taken away by the past. I sat here today and thought about that. I wondered if it could be true.
Our past memories and experiences are what formed the person, created the very personality, good, bad, and the ugly, that we are today. A person that for whatever reason, loses their memories is empty. They have to start all over from block one and build memories. They have nothing to base their everyday life on... to say "this is a good day" or a bad day. They depend on each and every day to educate them, teach them lessons long ago learned before they forgot. Their lives are all new and they wait for each experience to show them something new.
Is there a way to move forward without the lessons and memories we have lived coming along with us? Would it not be better... Isn't it better, to bring along the life's experiences with us as we travel to our future? I have lived a full life and have seen and been a part of many beautiful things in this walk. I have loved and been loved in the most beautiful and precious ways. My life continues to know blessings daily and yes, there are some very sad times in my life too. Losses that people tell me will go away one day. Sadness that according to the world won't seem so harsh one day. I wonder.
I think of my world... the world I live in today, without the past. That's the good and the bad. What or who would i have been today if not for the events that happened in my life? No blame or fingers. We are where we are and no one is to point at but ourselves. But still, surely with different circumstances, Example, had I not been brought up to fear God and respect his word, perhaps i would have been more inclined to do things I knew to be wrong. Without the parents I had, the family closeness we shared, maybe I would not care the way I do. If you take away the hand on my shoulder that was my blind brothers, remove the 24 years of love and hospitals that my Love and I shared and endured...perhaps my compassion would be less than it is. These things and so much more made me the man I am today. Not a bad man by any measure, though some may disagree, but a man that lives each day, wondering if he has done all he could for those that love and have loved him. Feeling the deepest pain, deeper than most could imagine at just the slightest thought that he may have failed in someones trust in him or their friendship they shared.
Today I sit and I remember. I don't think that one has to leave the past behind to share the future. I don't think that it is a requirement for knowing happiness that anything that has made us sad, be left behind. And yet, my tears, my regrets, my very life seem to revolve around the things that have brought me here today. I am Happy. I am loved. I have a good life. And it should be enough. I have been loved more than any one man EVER deserved, certainly THIS man. And still, I cry. Still I search for that something that will validate all of the blessings I have been given in this life. I have not found it yet. The blessings keep coming and I, I continue to seek atonement for things done or not done. They are real in my heart and that is all that matters. And so I "atone."
Today, you have sat with a man that strives with all he is to make the entire world happy. To take away their sorrow and give them smiles they thought didn't exist. A man, a Bipolar man that each and every day must tell himself all of the reasons it is a good day to stay. A man that some will call weak, some will say is strong and others, will say just needs to "Buck up." People that love me yet do not want to understand that this IS REAL! It is as real as it gets. And one day, when it is done... then I will forget. Today is not that day.
Don't pity me or cry for me. We all have our crosses to bear. Just know that when I am far away, when I look through you instead if at you, that I stand always on the edge of the world, looking out. What you say to me or that single smile or frown may take me to places I have waited for or feared all of my life.
Don't let your memories ever fade. Imagine as I do sometimes, a world without you ever having been in it. What would be different???? What would be the same? Have I really ever influenced any ones Life?????

Desert Snow Pt 7 The End...

Sharu stood in awe as she watched Marlene raise her hands to face her. Marlene looked confident and ready to do battle.
"Sharu... I would like you to meet my daughter, Diana. I thought it was appropriate to name her after "Wonder Woman." Funny how things come to mind while you are being buried alive. Things like, "Oh My, I think I am going to give birth." My little Diana came out and she was just Full of energy! She also told me things that you would have omitted. This isn't about saving your precious people at all, Sharu. This is all about you losing control of your people. They want to mix and mingle with today's society but you could not allow that to happen, could you?"
"You and your precious little girl will not live long enough for any of these things to matter! Do you really think that you have the power to defeat me, Marlene!? I am Your power! I am where that little girl got her strength! And I am the one that will take it away from you! First though, I think I will kill your love and your friend. Perhaps that will remind you who is in charge here."
Sharu waved her hand fast at Dan and Bernie. Just as fast, she saw Diana nod her head. Without lifting her hand at all, a huge blue veil covered Dan and Bernie. The concussion from Sharu's powerful attack bounced away from Dan and Bernie and hit her full force. Sharu was tossed backwards against the sand dunes behind her. For the first time since they had seen Sharu, Marlene and Dan and Bernie saw of look of fear on her face.
"Stop this now and we can all go back to our lives. You can find a place in our world to live out your life Sharu. You are a beautiful woman. Any man would die to be with you."
"Live in a world Men!!! Be ruled by them and take orders from them!?! I would rather die here than live that way!"
Sharu waved her hand and caught Marlene off guard. The crashing blow sent her rolling over a sand dune. Marlene layed motionless on the sand. Dan ran to her side. He lifted her head and felt her pulse.
"You killed her, damn you!!!! You killed the only woman I ever loved. Left her daughter... Our daughter motherless!" He held Marlene's body next to his tight.
Then a soft voice, sweet and gentle spoke out. "Do not be sad Father. She did not take mother away. She is just sleeping." Dan felt a tiny hand touch his shoulder. He looked up into the innocent eyes of their daughter.
"No baby girl... your mother is dead. I can feel no life in her." Dan wept hard against Marlene's body.
"The desert snow will bring her back to us, Father. I promise you."
They all watched, including Sharu, as Diana beckoned the dragon to come to her.
"You have no control over that beast, little girl! That is my creation! I alone command it!"
Diana looked at Sharu as the dragon came closer. "You created nothing, Sharu. The desert created it all. This place is a gifted land and you have always known that. Nothing exists here except while we are present. When we leave this place, the desert will absorb everything we see here except you and your people. The only thing that will remain here is the Desert Snow." It remains here, unseen by mortal eyesto keep balance in the earth. It appears as rain to human eyes but we know it is ice that the dragon creates, to keep the earth from over heating. Where he came from, we will never know. It does not matter, really. Go with your people and find a new home amongst the world. There are good people there."
"No!!!! I will not do that nor will Listen to some little girl! I will simply kill you as I did your mother!"
Sharu waved her hand at Diana. Without ever looking back, Diana waved her hand and tossed the impact to the sand. The dragon sat beside Dan and Marlene's lifeless body. They all watched as it covered Dan and Marlene in a soft snow.
"It's so cold, Daughter. This is going to freeze us both."
"No Father, it is healing her. Stay with her." Diana turned and faced Sharu. "Will you now go and be with your people.? They will still need someone to guide them into their new world."
Sharu stood and looked at Diana. She knew her strength would only increase each time she attacked her. Diana would kill her before she could best her.
"You don't want to be their leader!?"
"I have my family here with me. I have no desire to lead anyone."
"Then I will take them a few at a time until they are all settled into the new world."
As Sharu walked away, Dan and Bernie looked towards the desert. A soft snow had begun to fall over it all. As the snow landed on each thing in the desert, they disappeared. Absorbed into the desert somehow. No more pyramids or lakes with huge ships on them. No more jet-planes or huge trucks were left. The only thing left on the desert was small huts and hundreds of beautiful woman. Sharu's people, they were sure.
Suddenly Dan felt Marlene stir in his arms. She opened her eyes and smiled at him. "Quite the little girl we have there, huh Daddy?" she whispered to him.
Dan hugged her tight. "Quite the little family we have, My Love."
The Dragon moved to a sand dune not far from them. It began to breathe snow into the sand. As the sand moved to the side, Bernie's eyes lit with excitement and awe. She ran to where the dragon stood and reached down to the sand. She took Marcus in her arms and held him tight. Marcus laid in her arms, confused but very much alive.
"Thank you for this," Bernie said to the dragon. With a nod, the dragon walked away towards the lower desert area. It walked until it was either absorbed into the desert or simply disappeared. None of them were truly certain.
Dan stood and took Diana's tiny hand in his. "Let's go find that Complex so we can go home."
Diana smiled and knelt to the ground. She drew a picture of a nice big truck. Softly she blew on the sand. As she did, the truck materialized before them. Dan shook his head.
"Will you always be able to do that or is it just the desert?"
Diana looked at her Father and smiled. With a wink to her mother, she said softly,"We will see Father. We will see."

Desert Snow... Pt 6

Sharu wasted no time letting the three of them know she was Angry. With the wave of her hand, Dan and Bernie were tossed across the sand dune like rag dolls. She waved her hand again at Marlene. As the ripples of force struck Marlene, a look crossed Sharu face of both surprise and knowing. Marlene stood exactly where she had been before the wave of Sharu's hand.
"Then it is as I suspected. That baby inside of you is protecting you. It is also blocking your thoughts and words from being heard by me. But then, you already know that, don't you Marlene? I wonder what else the little one can do. Shall we find out, Marlene?"
"Sharu, there is no reason for all of this. You don't have anything to prove to anyone. You have already killed one of us and we are your prisoners here. What more is there to show who-ever it is you are trying to impress?"
Sharu waved her hand again. The sound waves made the sand around Marlene roll like a huge wave. It rose into the air as if it were made of water and not sand. High above Marlene's head the wave of sand climbed until it was twenty feet above her head. As Sharu lowered her hand, the sand wave followed her movement and dropped on top of Marlene, burying her under it's weight. Dan called out as Marlene's entire body disappeared under tons of sand.
"Noooooooo!!!!!! Damn you, you didn't have to kill her! She didn't do anything to you! I will Kill you myself! What is it you wanted from us!!??"
Sharu held her hand up again. Dan waited for the blast to hit him. Nothing came. He opened his eyes and saw Sharu looking at him. "What do I want? I want my people to live."
"Who are your people? Where do you come from? Damn you, we deserve answers before you kill us all."
"I told you who my people are. We were once a very mighty race of people. Amazons your people call us. We found the secret to mind use and along with it, the truth to near immortality. We live for Centuries because we have learned how to control our bodies and slow the process of aging down. We are not some alien being come to Earth to rule it, though rule it some day we might. We simply want to put things back where they were before the ice took all that was ours. We need the water-crafts and flying machines to move the sand for us. It must look like ice until we are finished and can conceal our existence. Already we have covered much of your Antarctica with our ice."
"Why has it taken you so long to do that? With all the powers you have harnessed, I would think it would have been easy for you to move sand where you needed it."
"Though we are a powerful people, we can still die, Dan. The world has become a very strong force to be reckoned with. Your kind has shown time and again that what it fears or does not understand, it kills or enslaves. What do you think they would do to us, Dan?"
"So it is kill or be killed for you?" It was Bernie that spoke out. "You have already killed two of us. When do we go next?"
"We kill only to protect ourselves. That is more than I can say for your race of people. Egypt enslaved Israel for 400 years. Your "Hitler" almost erased an entire people from the world. You kill for selfish reason. We kill to protect our own."
"Yes, I forgot. Marcus and Marlene were such gigantic threats to a mighty warrior such as yourself. Wow! Good thing you got rid of them! Who knows what havoc those two little people could have caused for your people!"
"Choose your words carefully, Bernie. My anger is not yet tempered."
"And I care, why? You have taken from me all that matters anyways. If you kill me, you would be doing me a favor!"
Sharu waved her hand slightly. Bernie was tossed a short distance away to the sand.
"Weak," Sharu said in disgust. "How I detest woman that are weak like you, Bernie. Perhaps I will give you your wish now." Sharu raised her hand high into the air.
"Wait," Dan shouted out. "What happens to all of this here when you are finished? The Dragon and machines and all you have stolen here."
Sharu lowered her hand. "We have stolen nothing. All you see here either saw what they should not have or has been created from thoughts taken from the minds of those we captured. The dragon and water creature have all been from images in your own peoples minds. The craft??? They were taken when we were transporting our ice to our home. We can not always stay completely concealed when moving the ice. The path we take passes over what your people have named the "Bermuda Triangle." Your own curiosities have allowed us the chance to take as you are too filled with fantasies of what might be."
"You have answered a lot of things we had no way of knowing. Now we do. What happens to us now?"
"Truly, I have no use for you anymore, now with Marlene and the child gone. I will give you both peace. It is the best I can do."
Sharu lifted her hands high into the air. She clasped her hands together and a loud rumble, like thunder came from them. The wind began to blow and Dan and Bernie held tight to one another, waiting for the final blow that would kill them both. As Sharu lowered her hands in a quick, hard motion, Dan and Bernie watched her being tossed backwards, onto the sand dune behind her. A look of total shock was on her face as she layed in the sand.
"This, is impossible!!!!! You could not possibly be still standing and I on the ground! It will not happen again! Prepare to die, Now!!!"
The fire in her eyes was so hot the sand around her began to Crystallize. As she began to stand, Sharu was knocked off of her feet again.
"Nooooooooooooooo!!!!! I will kill you!"
As the sand settled from her first attack, all three of them looked at the sand dune between them. There, in the middle of the sand, stood Marlene, very much alive. Beside her stood a young girl. The girl appeared to be about 5 years old. Marlene held her tiny hand in her own.
"You should not have been so long winded, Sharu. And you should have never, ever tried to kill my Love and my best friend. Now, it is lesson time for you." With that said, Marlene raised the hand that was holding the little girls hand. She raised them both in the air and turned to face Sharu.

Desert Snow... Pt 5

All four stared into the burning eyes of Sharu. She began to move her hand across the sand. The sand responded to her like a Cobra responds to the music of a flute. The sand wrapped through the air and began to take form. As the shape of a sword became visible, Marcus stepped forward.
"It was Marlene. Marlene cried out because the baby kicked her. It was a terrible pain and she could not help but..."
The sword flew through the air and found it's mark. Marcus' words were cut off instantly. He grabbed the handle, total shock in his eyes. The impact from the sword tossed him backwards into the very sand dune that had moments before been a Phoenix. Bernie screamed out as she fell down beside his lifeless body. She cupped his face in her hands. Slowly she turned to look up at Sharu.
"You cruel cold creature. This man never did anything wrong to anyone in his life. He was the gentlest soul and knew only goodness. He would have let you live if we had found a way to kill you. You might as well kill me too. He was all I had in this vile world."
"He was a poor liar and served no purpose at all." Sharu lifted her hand again.
"No!!!!!!!" It was Marlene that spoke out. "No more killing. I screamed because this baby is growing inside of me at an abnormal rate. It is causing my whole body to cramp and send pain all through me. He was telling you the truth and you killed him for it. Why do you have to be so cruel!? You have all the power you will ever need to make the world do what ever it is you command. You don't have to kill innocent people to prove yourself."
The heat and glow faded from Sharu. She looked down at Marcus' body and then too Bernie. "We will be finished here soon. When we go, perhaps I will restore his life to him. Until then, you will all remain here."
As SHaru spoke, Dan began to think hard. He concentrated on ways to kill Sharu. He pressed into the deepest part of his mind and thought exactly how he would kill her, if only he was given the chance. He stared directly at Sharu as he thought. She was still talking to them. "And I will give you all your freedom, but the baby will be staying with us."
"Not my baby! You are crazy if you think I am giving up this baby just because you say so!"
"Then, dear Marlene, you will give her up when you die."
She was gone in an instant. Bernie lay beside Marcus. She began to cry. Marlene knelt beside her and hugged her. "We will find a way out of here, Bernie. And somehow, I don't know how, but we will get Marcus back."
Dan's voice broke the moment like a mirror shattering. "Ladies, I have discovered something. I want to test my theory a few more times before we act on it."
"Did I miss something Dan?"
"I noticed that Sharu had to ask us what was happening here, Marlene. She could not tell simply by reading our thoughts."
"Does it Matter, Dan!? Marcus is still dead!"
"And he would have been just as dead if she could have read his thoughts. He was in fact Lieing, Bernie."
Bernie stood up suddenly. She stood directly in front of Dan, her tears streaming down her face. "He was lieing to try and save us, Dan! Did you forget that!!?"
Dan spoke softly. "No, Bernie, I did not forget. I know the sacrifice he gave for us. But we still have to find a way out of here. I shot the most aggressive thoughts at Sharu while she was talking. I knew it was risky but staying here is No more risky. Please hear Mme out."
"We are listening, Dan"
"Thank you Bernie. She didn't know what had happened and I believe it is because of the baby. I think it is running Offense for us."
"What are you talking about, Dan!?!?"
"I believe there is a whole lot of smarts in that baby you are carrying. This place must have also increased it's mind as much as it has it's physical growth. It knows how to block our thoughts from Sharu. We can speak freely and discus how we are going tp get out of here. I really do want to test it more before we act on it."
The ladies agreed and the next few weeks were used to determine if Dan's theory was correct. The watched as the dragon took more and more sand and turned it to ice and snow.
"You do realize that we have got to stop that dragon somehow. Taking the sand as it is and moving it somewhere else will throw the entire eco-system out of control and way out of balance."
"You are right, Dan. We can not allow that to happen. Any thoughts on how we are going to stop all of this?"
"I have to really think on it Marlene."
"Well you don't have 9 months to think, Dan. If I am not mistaken, I think our little bundle is very close to coming out into this world."
"How long, Marlene?"
"Two weeks Dan, at the very most."
"Then I guess we better start thinking. Bernie, you are the bug Guru. Is their any Insect, that if it was as big as that dragon, that it could defeat?"
"Pound for pound, Dan, the only thing I would put against that dragon would be a giant Praying Mantis. But how do you propose to get it close enough to let them fight without Sharu figuring out what is going on?"
"I am working on that Bernie."
"Well work fast because here comes Sharu and she looks very angry!"

Desert Snow... Pt 4

Marlene and the rest of them were led away to a small camp. As they walked, the Dragon continued to sweep the sand with it's breath. As it did, the sand turn to ice crystals. Behind the dragon were large trucks that looked to be World War II vintage. Bulldozers picked the frozen sand and loaded it into the trucks. They watched in amazement at what the were seeing.
"I have seen the world over more times than I can count. I have never seen any creatures like what we are seeing here."
"Dan, this isn't anything of this world, I can tell you that!"
"Please, please be careful what you say, Marcus. That thing can hear what we say. Hell, she or it... whatever it is, can read our thoughts. The last thing I want is to be on the bad side of it."
"We can't just stop thinking, Bernie." Dan looked at Marcus. "It just came to me, Marcus. You are walking and there are no marks on you. How the.."
"They touched me and it was done, Dan. I wasn't going to argue with them."
"Them? Who was them, Marcus?"
"The woman that came to get us, Marlene. They were all beautiful and all touched hands to make me well."
"Bernie, didn't you take some classes concerning the power of mind healing?"
"I did, Marlene, long ago."
"That has to be what they did to Marcus. Can you do the same thing, Bernie?"
"Sometimes. It doesn't always work. It takes a lot of practice and closing your mind off to make it happen."
"But can you do it!?"
"I think so. I haven't tried it in years. I can't promise you anything. Why are you asking?
They sat down near a tent that was set up near a watering hole. Marlene made the motion for them to be silent and pointed at the sand. She began to write in the sand. She hoped that Sharu was busy again and was not listening to them. That was how she and Dan had caught her off guard the first time. All being knowledgeable in Hieroglyphics, they watched as Marlene "signed" them her thoughts. She wanted to somehow appear as powerful as Sharu. It was a huge risk but she felt the baby would keep her safe somehow. After she finished her drawings, she waited to see if Sharu would appear. When she did not, she knew they were safe to talk.
"We don't have long. She could stop to listen anytime. If one of you would hurt themselves, nothing serious, just enough to be visable, Bernie could stand close enough to me to make it appear that I had healed the wound. That might give me enough of an edge to get closer to the others and find a way out of here."
"It sounds like a suicide mission to me, Marlene. We need to really think on this."
"We don't have time to think on this Dan! Trust me on this one!"
"I can't promise anything, Marlene and I won't be responsible for yours or anyone elses death! You are asking to much here!"
"Too much! You think that Bernie? Come here and place your hand on my stomach."
Bernie did as Marlene asked. The men saw the look of shock in Bernie's eyes. She held her hand there and reached back and took Dan's hand. Placing it on Marlene's stomach, Marcus saw the same look in Dan's eyes as he had seen in Bernie's.
"What is it!? What do you feel? Are you sick, Marlene!?"
Bernie turned and looked at Marcus. "Not sick, sweetie. Marlene is pregnant."
"We knew that from the Amazon, Marlene, but I thought you were only just pregnant?"
"I was, Love. Something about this place has caused a change inside of me. Sharu knew it would. That is why she told me to take care. She knows this baby will be born soon."
"Soon? Define soon for me because last I read, 7 months was soon. Eight months is soon. What soon are you talking about?"
"From the feeling inside of me, Dan, soon will be very soon. We have got to find a way to get out of here. If not, then this baby will not be ours to raise."
"What are these things? They are not human!"
"Oh, I think they are very human, Marcus. The most advanced of humans. They imagine it and it becomes reality. At least in part."
"In part? Do you want to explain that, Bernie?"
"In my studies, I learned that the mind can cause images to appear... a mirage if you will. These images can sustain solidity for a time and even be used to do things. I think these people share the same depth of mind use as did the people of Atlantis."
"That was a myth, Bernie!"
"Did you see that freaking Dragon out there, Marcus?!?! Did you see the creatures in the water!? Those are myths too! Those aren't suppose to exist anymore than you think Atlantis did! But there they are! I think these people share that same quality and power of mind suggestions. They use it to build and work the desert."
"All of this means what to us, Bernie?"
"It means that that baby inside of you possesses that same mind set simply because it's all part of this place we are in. That power transfers to you, Marlene. You simply have to reach inside your self and use it."
Marlene looked at Bernie. It was all so ridiculous that it made sense to her. She turned towards a sand dune behind their tent. As she stared at it, the sand dune began to shift. It gathered around itself and began to form what appeared to be a bird of sorts. Not just any bird. In moments, a Phoenix, another mythical creature of fire that was immortal. As it completed it's transformation, it screeched loudly, then as suddenly as it appeared, it was gone.
"Oh my God! You did it! You really did it!"
"We did it," Marlene replied, rubbing her stomach tenderly. "Our baby and I did it, Dan."
Suddenly, above them on a hill stood Sharu. The heat was all over her body again. They covered their faces to shield their eyes.
"What was that sound!? What did I just hear? Tell me now or simply die. All of you!"

Desert Snow... Pt 3

The man looked down at Marlene. He stared at her for a moment before slowly lowering his hand.
"Why... why should I spare him or your friends? What are they to me?"
Marlene looked up at him. Her tears ended and she pulled herself from the ground.
"They are nothing to you. To me, they are my love and my friends. Does that mean anything to you or are you as cold as the stone you stand on?"
The anger in the man's eyes was so evident that it almost caused Marlene to step back but stepping back wasn't something she was accustomed to doing. She stood her ground.
"I should kill you for your tone... but the child has done nothing to earn it's ending. I will spare you for her sake... only once. Our people once held the passion and compassion as you do now. We found it was only a tool that our enemies turned against us. Our strength returned to us only after we stopped caring for anything or anyone but our own." There was a sadness in his voice as he spoke now. "A day will come that you too will understand this that i have told you. So shall your daughter."
"I pray that we never know that coldness."
"I am Sharu. I am the leader of my people. I find you to be strong, Marlene. It is that strength that has saved your life. Allow me to end the life of the weaker man and you can sit at my side. We would be a strong tie for my people."
"I would never allow you to hurt the man I love. I would die first before that happened."
Sharu looked into her eyes. He himself was amazed to find such a strong woman among a people he could conquer with just a wave of his hand. "It is good that you have come here. I wish for you to sit with our woman and teach them some of your strengths. It will be good for our colony that they can protect themselves when the men are gathering."
As Marlene helped Dan to his feet, she saw what was to be another first for her in this crazy valley they had stumbled on. As she looked at Sharu, he began changing right before her eyes. Marlene and Dan watched as this cold man became a beautiful woman. Her long hair, touching the tip of her buttocks, shined in the Sun's light. Her huge fawn-like eyes of almost purple looked back at them. She was still tall and her long legs were as perfect as the rest of her body. Marlene took her blouse off and covered the woman's top as much as she could.
"Are you embarrassed by my nakedness, Marlene? Are you not more shocked at my transformation?"
" I don't want my man to have a stroke out here," she answered with a smile. "What is it that I am looking at?"
"This is what I truly am. I appeared to you as a man because in your world, that is who is respected and feared. Few would fear a woman as they do a man. It was not always so with my people."
It all became clear to Marlene then. "You, are the lost civilization of the Amazon women we have read of and written books and comics about. We called you "Wonder Woman." What is it you want here?"
"We wish only to be left alone and go back to where we once called our home. We need certain things to survive there and we are gathering all we can. Our home was once like this that you see. And then the great ice came and we lost it all. We are freezing what we need and will take it back with us when we leave. Animals and trees and people to help us rebuild our home will go with us. We will freeze your desert and take it with us also."
"Where is it that you once lived?"
"In a place you call Antarctica. We will make it our home again. And then we will find those that tried to destroy us and we will take back everything with their blood."
"Those people that you fought then are long gone."
"Not their ancestry!" Marlene and Dan stepped back from her as she spoke. Heat came from her body that seared the hair on Dan's arm. Her body glowed like hot embers. "Do not try and protect them, Dan! We know their families and we Will have our vengeance!"
Dan wished he not spoken out. He did not want to anger this, this creature, whatever it was. He was certain it was not from Earth.
"Where we came from is of no concern of yours, Dan! Worry for your own safety and the safety of your friends. They are being brought to us now as we speak."
"Then you will spare their lives, Sharu?"
"For now, Marlene. They owe their lives to You. Their lives are in your hands. You are respected but make no mistakes. I will kill you and them as quickly as I blink should you press my anger."
As Marlene stood and listened, a Dragon suddenly came into view. It was enormous and walked across the desert sand swinging it's head from side to side. But there was something different about this Dragon. Instead of spewing fire from it's mouth, Marlene and Dan watched in awe as ice came from it's huge jaws. It froze everything that came into contact with the ice, sand and creatures alike.
"It's snowing in the desert! I have seen it all now" was all Marlene could say.
"No, you have not yet, but you will, if you live long enough. Take care of the child."
Marlene wondered what Sharu meant by her words. It sent a chill down her spine.

Desert Snow... Pt 2

"Are you sure that you didn't hit your head when we crashed, Dan?"
"I told you it was probably the Sun, Marlene. We need to get walking if we are going to find the complex before dark. Let's just hope someone comes along for us. I am worried about you and Marcus, Bernie."
"I promise we will be fine, Dan. You get going so we can get out of here quicker."
Dan and Marlene gathered a few things and then started to walk. Without a clear vision of where they were going, Dan headed North as the map indicated. The wind was up a little and helped to cool them, if the word cool could be used in this desert. Now and again, Dan would look towards the East as if he had heard something. Marlene watched him for signs of heat exhaustion. They traveled as fast as their breathing would allow them to. Nightfall was not far away and Dan wished they had a place to hide from the darkness.
"We should be coming to a ravine soon, Marlene. Hopefully it will hold some water and shelter for us."
"Dan, are we going to be alright?"
"We have been in a lot more frightening situations than this, sweetheart. Everything is going to be fine."
As they topped the hill, Dan and Marlene both stood silent. Looking down into the ravine below them, they both wondered if the Sun had finally taken it's toll on them.
"Dan, I am not sure if I want you to tell me you Do see what I do or that you Don't see it."
"Would not matter much, sweetheart. From that statement, I am guessing we are both seeing the same thing. I just don't believe what we are seeing."
Dan looked down at the ravine. It appeared to be more of a valley than a ravine. In the middle of the desert was a huge green pasture. Water ran freely as if they were standing in the middle of any place other than the desert. A lake sat to the East of the pasture and in it were creatures Dan had never seen. Ever. Old Viking ships, looking like they had just been crafted and fully loaded with their own Vikings sailed the lake. A sea serpent dodged the sharp blade of one of the Vikings as it tried to devour him. Beyond the lake sat an air-field, complete with vintage World War II aircraft. Beside them sat the most sophisticated fighter jets of modern time. Smaller boats filled the lake and the water was teaming with fishes of every sort, including some that had not existed in 10,000 years.
"It looks like a museum down there."
"Dan, there are things down there that No museum has because they never existed. When was the time you saw a sea serpent at Sea World?"
Dan knew that Marlene's jabbing was a cover for her fear of what she was seeing. He was no less frightened of what he was seeing. Frightened and fascinated all at once. Looking to the West, Dan saw something that should have seemed out of place but here... in this valley, it fit perfectly. A Pyramid reached out to the sky and filled the air with sounds of workers laying bricks around it.
One man stood atop of a huge stone that over looked the entire valley. As he turned towards them, Dan and Marlene tried to hide themselves. They both knew it was too late. They had been seen. In an instant, the man that had been on the other side of the valley was standing next to them. Dan covered Marlene's body with his own, trying his best to protect her. The man from the stone looked down at them.
"You have come far to view our secret place. I was remiss in not seeing you coming in time to shield our colony from your eyes. It matters none now. No one will ever know what you have seen."
Dan stood up. "Secret!!?? You call half a desert of a collection of everything we have on earth and some we do NOT, to be a secret!? How is it you could be here and no one know?"
"We have been here for a very long time. We hide our colony from planes that fly over or others that have come too near us with our own essence. It appears to be a desert to them just as it did to you. Those that see us before we can cover our selves simply become part of our workers. Their crafts become ours too."
"Who are you? Where are you from?" Marlene was too scared not to talk out. She wanted answers.
"We are a people your world thought long ago extinct. We hid away until we could discover all the secrets of the mind so we could exist here amongst you without notice. The mind is more powerful than you could fathom. We have cultivated it and made it our way of life."
"We just want to get to where we were going. We will remain silent about this if you just let us go." Dan surprised himself at the pleading he could hear in his own voice.
"That can not be. we trusted your kind many lives ago, only to be betrayed and slaughtered. We can not allow that to happen again. You will be our guests for now, for it was I that did not see you. But you will be helpful to us as you have much knowledge of creatures we have not yet harnessed."
"How do you know what we know!?"
"Daniel, as I have told you... the mind is more powerful than you have ever imagined. Your thoughts are ours to read freely. The one called Marlene will be cared for by our midwives. She and her baby will be safe here."
Marlene stared at him as she touched her stomach. "Baby??? What are you talking about!? I am not going to have a baby? I think I would know something like that!"
"You are with child now, Marlene. These things we know."
"Damn you! Get out of my head and stay the hell away from my body!"
Dan held her close to him. He wanted to reach out and attack this man. He wanted to run away with Marlene. He knew he didn't dare. Not yet. He thought of Marcus and Bernie.
"They are injured. They would serve no purpose to us. We shall send some people to end their sufferings. It is a good thing."
Dan suddenly felt rage flare inside of him. As if this man felt it too, the man lifted his arm as Dan was grabbing for him. In a single moment, Dan was tossed across the ground. His body slammed into a rock with a thud. He layed on the ground, moaning in pain. The man lifted his hand again and Marlene screamed out.
"No!!!! Please... don't hurt him, please. We just want our friends safe. We will do whatever you say. Just don't hurt them and I beg you, don't hurt the father of my unborn child."
As the man raised his hand higher, Marlene fell at his feet, sobbing. "I beg of you, don't hurt him. He is my love."

Desert Snow

The desert sun beat down harder today than it had in the past 3 days. Marlena cursed the day she had agreed to come with Dan to Africa. It was to be a days flight in and two days at the Sanctuary and a day's flight home. She had agreed only because she wanted to see the new "Freedom" exhibit that Dan had created. She had her own sanctuary in Australia that kept her busy. She didn't like being separated from Dan so much but what they were doing was important to them both.
"Dan, maybe we should try to walk out of here. We have waited for 3 days and no one has come searching for us."
"I know Marlene but I think without the shade of the truck's canopy, we would be burned to death.And with Marcus and Bernie hurt, we don't dare leave them here alone. Something would find them and kill them."
Dan was right and she knew it. Marcus and Bernie had been their closest friends for ten years and went with them where-ever Dan and Marlene traveled. Marcus and Bernie had signed on to assist them on a trip to the America's to help start a new cat complex. So impressed with their work were Dan and Marlene, they asked them to stay on for good.
Marlene was 32 years old and wanted only one thing more than she wanted the animals. With her cold black hair blowing in the slight breeze, the sparkle in her green eyes was fading with each passing hour. She was as beautiful as a moon-lit night and intelligent beyond her schooling. She knew anything there was to know about the Outback and every animal it held in it's beautiful landscape. Only a baby would give her completion in this already perfect world of hers.
Dan was a year younger than she was but had the same mentality and love for animals as Marlene did. Built for the outdoors, he stood 6'2" and had sandy blonde hair. His baby blues had captured Marlene from the first hello. Never needing to work out, he was graced with a body that took everything life had to give and convert it into muscle and energy. Their love was beautiful and their life dedicated to only one another.
"Dan, I only have a busted ankle. I can take care of Marcus while you go find help. Our water is going to be gone soon and our food supply is all but finished."
Dan turned and looked at Bernie. She was 25 years old and full of spunk. She loved all creatures and was educated in insects. Marcus was the same age as Dan. His build was smaller but his dark hair and almost black eyes made him a gift to look at for any lady passing.
Dan watched as Bernie wiped the blood from the side of his face. Marcus seemed to have taken the full blow of the crash. They were traveling towards the complex when out of no-where, a dust storm came upon them. Blinding all four almost instantly, Dan had lost control of the truck. It shifted under the sand and flipped over two times before landing on it's top side. Marcus had been thrown from the truck and landed some 100 yards from where the truck had stopped. He had a broken arm, a broken leg and almost for certain a concussion.
"We don't know how far we are from the Complex, Bernie. I only have a map that tells me where it is. We are within 25 miles I am sure but I would hate to be wrong."
"We need to do something Dan. The message from Larse sounded urgent. I didn't understand what he meant by the animals were freezing. Nothing could freeze in this desert!?"
"That is why we need to get there as soon as possible. Something isn't right and I can feel it. I think we really have no choice anymore. Marlene and I will walk and hopefully meet up with some one before Something... meets up with us."
As Dan stood, out of the corner of his eye he saw a movement. He turned to see the what looked to be huge lizard. Not just huge as in very large. This creature appeared to be as big as a Train Engine. He shook his head and took a small drink of water.
"Dan... are you alright?"
"I think the heat is effecting me worse than I thought. I swore I just saw a... A..."
"A what, Dan? What did you see?"
"I thought I saw a Dragon."

Thoughts...

Today is not unlike most other days for me. It started early, though not as early as most. I did the unheard of and slept in a little. Sometimes that only seems to bring on the morning "bipolars" it seems. As I said, it isn't really much unlike any other morning. But there was a little carry over from last night for me today. I fell asleep thinking about life and my daughters. I wondered if they were happy. I wondered if they felt like life was good to them or if they wished things were different. As I thought of this, emotions, as per normal took me over. I began to think of them as if they might not be totally happy with life as it is. I wondered how much my actions in their lives had effected this. Being empathic sometimes has side effects of it's own. To feel someones sadness is not for sure a great gift. Not always. And then you take Bipolar and toss it into the mix and you have got a recipe for disaster.
Today, I think back to my life and theirs. Certainly actions I took effected them and I wonder if they have caused them to look at life or perhaps approach life differently, more cautiously. Hurting their mother by leaving because I had lost touch with what was real had to have effected them. Leaving but never really going must have left them confused as to what was supposed to be and what was. Watching their father slowly drift into a new world, a different place and even yes, a different man must have left them wondering a lot. I lived in a made up world and yet the people were very real. The things I did that effected them, the decisions I made not only changed me for ever, they changed their lives forever also. Their cautiousness in approaching a relationship is part of it.
Not all of it was bad. I see strengths in them that perhaps were always there but were brought to the surface by things I did. This morning... I feel it all. Easily brought to emotions, sadness, thinking I have upset someone when maybe I didn't. fear that whatever I do today will have an adverse effect on those I love. So long this Low has carried on and I have tried to rise above it and yet, it seems to have me in it's grip tight.
Signs of the depression hanging on are so evident. Things that perhaps others of you or a loved one are going through and wonder what it is. Abstract thoughts. A passion of mine is fishing. Maybe even an obsession. I love it and spend so much time at the lake. But not this year. I have fished less than a half dozen times and it is way into June. The desire to get out and go are few and far. Gardening. Another Passion of mine. Having to force myself out to weed or just to smile at the plants as they grow and produce. Singing, writing... all the things I love, sitting idle as I try my best to get past this low. A low that I fear is slowly winning.
And so, I worry. I worry and cause anxieties to rise and wonder when it will all settle in to what ever is normal for me. Hearts I have hurt never did anything to me to be hurt. Losses that can not be measured nor forgotten. Not forgetting of course meaning they resurface and resurface over and over again. Sitting quietly in the dark, wondering how some are and trying to make some sense of the losses I have felt, most caused by my own hand. Wondering deep inside, if anyone really knows the hurt and pain I live with daily. How losing touch with someone is the same to me as losing touch with life. It leaves me strangely confused and tired inside.
I really do wonder what peoples lives would have been like, could have been if I had never existed...

Things I Learned About Bipolar Today.

Bipolar. Not a word that I nor my readers are unfamiliar with seeing here in my blog. I talk of it freely here and never give it another thought. So why am I writing again?
Something happened today that both shocked and confused me. I was in Poker on line and a terrible Low set in from no-where. There was no warning, as is usually the case but there was something more this time. As the Low took over my thoughts and actions, the mood apparently became noticeable to those that were at the same table as me. I found myself "off" somewhere else and had to concentrate very hard to play my cards. I lost over and over again. The anxieties were filling me with emotions and fright. Those that I call friends at the table questioned what was wrong. As I usually do when asked, I began to type the answer. I was telling them what was happening at that very moment. So... what is so different from that and any other day. I tell people almost daily about this disorder I have.
What was different? As I typed to tell them, complete and total embarrassment over took me. I began to cry, though they had no way of knowing that. My fears welled up and I thought to myself that perhaps they would do as so many do... shun me. I merely told them that I had a little disorder that flares up and makes me sad now and then. They were kind and I was thankful for their kindness. One said very little at all. So totally embarrassed that I had told them anything, I found myself not even knowing what cards I was playing. Losing terribly, I found myself wishing I could hide my issues from them. I did not tell them it was Bipolar and I did not say I have Turret's either. I was amazed at the embarrassment that settled inside of me. God, how I wanted them NOT to see me this. I was never so happy there was a screen between us. This disorder has so many sides to it. There are things that after so many, many years of living with Bipolar and all that comes with it, still take me by surprise. This was one of them. I lost control of myself and of my emotions. I was vulnerable and crying so hard. Still trying to work through this one, I am not sure where it will take me today. Already I am feeling all the effects of this damned disorder. My day is shot and doubts about things like love and friends and who I am. God, I hate this disorder.
To those in Poker that follow my blog, I say I am so sorry. I tell you here what I could not at the table. I will spend my day and evening pondering all of this. I will pray you don't but my "bipolar" mind tells me you WILL look at me differently when you see me again. I can not control the Lows nor the "highs." they come and go as they please.
Embarrassed... Hmmm. I didn't know this until today at that Poker Table that it embarrassed me to talk about it. I so want to be like everyone else but sadly, I Am not. Welcome to My World. A world of confusion and uncertainties. A world few would survive in and even fewer want to see.
Thank you for reading this and thank you for taking time out to read this.
Always I am, Simply Darrel.

Depression: not just for the mind.

Depression is an issue that does not just alter your mind-set. Depression can effect your health and truly, your ability to think things out in a safe manner. In every life, sometime or another, people feel down or as if nothing is going right. That is something that just comes with life. For some, they deal, they move on and live their life with no real issues. If life comes against them, they simply find a way to get around it and carry on.
This is Not the case for someone that suffers from Chronic or Manic Depression. It is also known as Bipolar Syndrome and it's effects are far from mild or "dealt with." I could just insert link after link but that wouldn't really show you any more than you could find yourself. Sometimes, direct from a person that knows the disorder intimately is a better way to learn. Some of the effects that Manic depression can manifest can not simply be harmful... they can be deadly. The way the mind can go from total chaos to almost shut down in 30 seconds also brings on other health conditions besides the terrible depression.
Insomnia doesn't simply deprive you of a restful sleep. It eats away at your ability to think or make decisions. It wears the body down to the point that you become susceptible to all manner of illnesses from the common cold to the flu to heart disease. There are so many "side effects" from Manic Depression and all of them can cause a great amount of damage to ones body and mind. When a person is in a severe depression, sometimes it is beyond friends and families ability to find a way to bring them out. There are times when medication and therapy are a very needed addition to the love and concern that is given by those that love a Manic/Bipolar person. And sadly, in one out of 20 cases, nothing works in time.
I write this today because I know all to well the effects that bipolar and terrible depression can have on a person. To cause ones self to shut off from the outside world unless they have no choice than to interact is a harsh effect. Loves and Lives are lost to this illness and a lot of the time, the fact that people do not accept it or try and acknowledge it's potential to literally destroy a person is a huge cause of such things. My body knows the harsh reality of depression and it's effects. Every time I have an anxiety attack or find my self awake for days at a time, I know and feel it's burn.
To lose touch with someone you love because your mind simply can not find a way to explain why you are away is very hard to face. To want so badly to speak with a loved one, but find that you can not tears at the very soul of a person. there are things I have lost to this disorder that I can never ever recover. There are people and desires and needs that are left to simply fade because of the fact that one can not find a way to give all of themselves. It is embarrassing and frightening for the one suffering to have to talk to a friend or loved one about how they feel inside. Fear of rejection. Fear of being mocked or scoffed is enough to close the inflicted off from the rest of the world.
Yes... we are high maintenance. Yes, we are nearly impossible to live with at times. And yes, sometimes it appears that we take more than we give back. The truth is, we give back as much as we can and that is sometimes more than we wish too. But because we love someone and fear them going away, we reach out into what for us is a scary place. We reach out into the unknown and unsecured regions of the safe zones for us. But... the love you get back will never be truer nor ever be more intense from another. It is everything we have and that makes it so very much.
I want those of you who know me to know this... I have not faded because I do not care nor because I do not hold you dear in my heart. Life happens sometimes and when a low hits, there is little to be done but ride the wave and roller-coaster and pray that you are still intact when it finally settles. I am sorry for being away so long and sorry that my mind doesn't always allow me to explain myself. If you have chosen to leave me behind, then my heart will always understand. If you choose to love me as i am and understand that myself, and a million others just like me wish we could be like you. Walking through life the way we do is not something that ANYONE would ever enjoy, not even us. But as someone I have cherished and loved in my heart for a very long time said to me... "It is what it is."
Should you look for me to be all sad and down and crying 24/7? On the contrary. My Highs are bigger than anything you have ever seen. My smiles and my belief that I CAN conquer the world, that I CAN save all those that are sad or without love are as huge as My lows are deep and dark. I will win this battle as I have a great support team in my life and heart. And I have the greatest of all looking out for me from heaven. I have been and am More blessed than any man on this earth deserves to be. I know that.
This is my world and i know it isn't always understood. I am sorry for that. It does not mean I care less or think of you all less. It simply means "Life 1, Darrel 0 right now. Remember, depression isn't just about the mind. It is about the body and soul also. It's destructive nature knows no boundaries nor prejudices. It effects anyone and is not shy about doing so. Love us, pray for us and try to understand... we do our best to show you our love and friendship. Depression... it IS a thing I know about... Always, Darrel

Blessed or Fortunate????

Blessed:Enjoying great happiness, eternal bliss,rewarded or holy.
Fortunate: Good, unforeseen, having good luck, favorable or victorious.
These are two words that have caused me to sit and really think lately. I have watched the news and watched Plant after Plant close down. I have read and heard of the thousands on thousands of people that are losing their jobs. It is a frightening time and especially for those directly touched by the economic situation world-wide. I sat back and looked at myself. Being Bipolar, too often even when life is great, I am down or saddened.I listen to the World issues and hear the word "fortunate" brought up. People fortunate to have jobs or money put aside for these "rainy" days. I thought to myself, am I blessed or am I simply fortunate? Strange question, I am sure to some but to me a very real question.
I looked up both words and though I found similarities, I also noticed a few differences. Fortunate seemed to have more to do with "luck." Luck being "the chance happening of fortunate" and "One's personal fate or lot." Blessed had more to do with something given to one rather than simply by chance. I thought about my up-coming vacation and the fact that I am able to go and enjoy. The very fact that I have the income to take a vacation while others strive simply to feed their family seems to bother me. And yet at the same time, I feel extremely blessed. I know in my heart of hearts that I have been blessed more than any one man ever deserved to be... especially THIS man.
I didn't grow up in a family of love by chance. I didn't have the opportunity to reach out and help my blind brother nor the friends that I hung with. I chose to do so and was rewarded for doing so in more ways than I can convey here. It wasn't fortune that a beautiful lady, filled with love for me came into my life. Being fortunate did not have anything to do with being a published author. All of these things came to me because I was blessed. Someone bigger than me saw fit to reach down and touch my life in a beautiful way. The things I had experienced in my life, good and bad, have taught me the things I need to survive in a world that cares more for the income of money than the in-flow of love into their lives.
I think that we need to sit down sometimes, look hard at what we have and where we are in our lives. We need to realize that blessings need to be acknowledged and praise given to the one that brings to us the blessings of our lives. There are many things in this world that seem to seek us out and try to take from us the bliss that comes with blessings. It is up to us to embrace what we DO have and be thankful.
My heart goes out to those that are suffering because of jobs being taken from them. But I think that through what happens in our lives, it may be an opportunity for those we love and love us to bless their family and in turn be blessed themselves. Reaching out to loved ones that have fallen prey to the economy is a perfect opportunity to give of ourselves and to touch the lives of those we love. Will we let them seek out being fortunate, leaving it to "chance" what happens to our family... or will we reach out and bless them? Giving of our selves and helping them to see blessings also. I think that when a door closes, another does not always open. But... it does appear and we do have the choice to open it or leave it closed. I hope that we are a people that Will open that door and allow the blessings to flow.
Fortunate or Blessed. I want my life to be blessed. I don't want it left to chance whether i survive in this sometimes very cold, very frightening world. Sometimes, issues such as this cause me to simply sit down and think. And I take the time to say "thank you" to the one that has indeed blessed me so in this life.
Why I write what I write sometimes, I am not always sure. A feeling that compels me to do so. I hope you do not mind the ramblings of a man that knows he has been blessed. Always, Darrel